


Survivors

by Ohthewildes



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-07-29 00:16:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7662751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohthewildes/pseuds/Ohthewildes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D has been missing for 13 days and the search is coming up short. Romanoff POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moscow

**Author's Note:**

> First fic. Constructive criticism always welcome. No beta so let me know of any fuck ups you find.

The exhaustion seeped through every cell in her body. The mission her and Barton and had been on hadn’t been particularly difficult, just long. Too fucking long. It was supposed to be a week maximum. Hydra facilities had been popping up all over the world, keeping everyone extremely busy. This one appeared just outside Moscow under the guise of a start up tech company. Several low ranking Hydra agents had been spotted on S.H.I.E.L.D’s facial recognition algorithm entering and leaving the facility. After a bit of digging, it became blatantly obvious it was a front for some sort of human experimentation. The recon team on the hellicarrier could only get so much, so in go Romanoff and Barton to get the specifics.

They reached the Moscow safe house. It was minimal contact with base, so there was no communication equipment to set up. The next day they set out to give the building, Akella, their full scrutiny. It was large, and from the outside looked like any other tech building. Delivery trucks came throughout the day, driving into the warehouse obscuring their line sight from the roof of the building across the street. They took photos of the drivers coming and going, the employees as well as the guards outside. Later that night, back at the safe house, they got several hits from the photos. The driver of the truck: Antonin Blantov, his colourful profile set the tone for the rest of this mission.  Human trafficking, armed robbery, murder.  Two days later, he made another delivery. Hawkeye hit the truck with a tracker.

The truck went back to a depot where it stayed for 24 hours before it was in use again. It made 3 stops before continuing its journey back to Akella , following the same pattern as before. This recon mission was quickly becoming something more. They checked out 2 of the 3 stops the truck made before making the delivery at Akella. What they saw inside was enough to chill even Romanoff to the bone. Women, hundreds of women at each facility, in cages. They were the cargo. It was becoming more than they could handle alone. They needed back up.

It took roughly another 4 days before they had a plan. Based on the intel Natasha had gave HQ, she had expected a larger, more experienced group of agents to show up. They were talking at least 4 facilities being taken down at once to minimise casualties. She had no illusions the people at the warehouses wouldn’t destroy their cargo as a distraction to get away as well as to destroy evidence. She tried to contact Fury for more backup twice. The day the 12 level one agents showed up at the safe house and the day before the mission. She was given the same answer. He was dealing with an emergency.

The mission was a success within the parameters. All the captive women were freed with minimal casualties. Akella was reduced to ash and they had secured several employees to question. Antonin Blantov had also been apprehended. Black Widow took a bullet to the bicep and 3 agents were in critical condition. Natasha considered it an overwhelming success. Fury had a lot to answer to for sending so many unqualified agents for this mission. Barton and her carried them and to their credit had done remarkably well. A week had turned into 2, and the adrenaline come down had her begging for her bunk.

As they touched down on the helicarrier, she was ordered to medical to have them look at her arm. Barton went to debrief while the other agents secured their prisoners. As she walked through the mess hall on her way to medical, she heard snippets of hushed conversations about an agent taken, captured outside her apartment. Understanding clicked in her head, Nick had put all resources on finding the missing agent. He took this kind of thing as a personal affront to S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Romanoff, Director Fury wants to see you on the command deck when you’re finished here” someone barked at her. She was currently lying back on a bed having the hole in her arm stitched together in the med bay. She had refused any pain meds, she’d had worse. She cracked open an eye. Agent Close.  She sighed, having been awake for the last 48 hours, she desperately needed sleep. Previous attempts to persuade him to her liking had failed miserably. The man hated her, so she decided to just go along with it for the sake of getting rid of him. She opened her mouth to reply “Sure th-“

“She needs to rest” came from beside her calmly and firmly by Nurse Kyle. Her eyes snapped to meet hers before Close interrupted again.

“I don’t give a shit. Fury’s orders” He sneered at the nurse before waiting for confirmation from Natasha in the form of a terse nod. She was too tired to fight. He turned and marched out.

“Asshole..” muttered Nurse Kyle before turning her attention back to Natashas arm. The redhead felt her lips lift at the corners. She noticed the nurse taking her time to give her as long as possible to finish with her arm. She appreciated the extra few minutes to close her eyes.

“Okay Agent Romanoff, that’s you all done” she felt the Nurse Kyle’s fingers trail down her arm before retreating to her lap. Natashas eyes flicked open at the tickling sensation. It took all her self control not to flinch away at the intimate touch. She looked at the nurse, raised a perfect eyebrow at her and gave her a smirk.

“Thanks, Nurse..” her eyes trailed purposefully down to the name badge “..Kyle”. She sat up slowly, ignoring the slight head rush.

“Please, it’s Sam.” she corrected with a smile of her own.

“Sam.” Natasha nodded. “Well Sam, you heard the asshole, duty awaits. See you later” she finished as her voice dropped an octave lower. Natasha walked out of medical confident in the knowledge the nurse was following her with lust in her eyes. That information was stored away. Always good to know who was around for a quick fuck. Not like she could just head down to the local bar and pick up a random when she was stuck on the helicarrier. Not to mention most people were afraid to even look her in the eye, let alone overtly come onto them.

She made her way to Fury, entering the command deck 10 minutes later. It was late, but there were at least 30 bodies working in there. She looked around trying to discern why there was so much activity.

“Romanoff, nice of you to finally join us” came the familiar voice of Nick Fury. He was standing over at the window staring out over the clouds. The atmosphere was sombre, she tried to take in as much as she could from the monitors as she walked over to meet him.

“Sir. What’s going on?  Are you still dealing with your _emergency_?” Natasha says, not bothering to hide the undercurrent of hostility. Hey, she had a hole in her arm. It was allowed.

Nick looked down at her with his piercing gaze, which she met coolly. He clenched his jaw and said,

“Yes, Agent Romanoff, as a matter of fact I am. The Deputy Director has been missing for 13 days and as of yet, no one has claimed responsibility. I want your help with this mission cause so far, we got nothin’”


	2. 35,000 ft

Natasha froze. The control room fell silent. The missing agent wasn’t just an agent. It was Maria Hill. 13 days. The thoughts raced through Natashas mind as she tried to quell the part of her mind that said she was already dead. The part that was telling her 13 days was too long for her to come back from. A slight frown marred her face. The engines of the ship were never usually this loud, she glanced toward Nick to see if he noticed the change only to find he was looking at her, his mouth moving yet she heard nothing.

With a start she realised the unusually loud engines was the roaring of her blood rushing through her ears. As quickly as she realised what the sound was it vanished, and the chatter and whir of technology in the control room assaulted her ears and she felt the impulse to run.

“Romanoff, did you hear a word I just said?” Nick asks with exasperation. Natashas spine straightened at the tone. She forced down the unexpected reaction and cleared her throat,

“Sorry Sir. I was.. surprised. Hill was there when I was brought in. She always treated me with respect. I.. What do you need me to do?” Furys gaze softened and he nodded. He held out his hand in the direction of an agent standing nearby, who promptly rushed forward and placed a tablet in his hand.

“Deputy Director Hill was abducted from outside her apartment building at 0257 hours. She was due to attend a meeting with several US Senators to discuss funding 2 days after she landed. This video was taken by security cameras across the street. The building security cameras were disabled”

He handed Natasha the tablet, who watched the video trying to take all the information she could from it. Maria had begun to walk up the front steps to her apartment, half way up a black SUV pulls up at high speed. Maria turns and pulls her weapon. They picked their spot well, she had no cover. Six figures leave uniformly from the car. Natasha notes they move with precision, most definitely professionals judging from the gear, dressed in familiar full tactical with assault rifles. Probably more weapons but the resolution, though enhanced, isn’t perfect and the finer details are obscured.  

Natasha watched as 5 of the attackers fired warning shots to force Maria into their 6th mens line of sight. He was standing behind the SUV with a sniper rifle. No, on closer look it was too small. A tranquilizer gun. Maria fired off several shots of her own. One of the men went down.  The glimmer of satisfaction she felt seeing him drop was crushed as she saw Maria grab a dart from her shoulder, look at it and fall.

Two of the men picked up their fallen comrade and bundled him into the back seat while the other three went to retrieve their target. The whole video was over in less than 3 minutes.

“Definitely professionals. How far in advance was the meeting scheduled?” Natasha asks, feeling a surge of energy through her veins fighting off the need for rest. Sleep could wait, Maria couldn’t.

 

“The meeting was the annual review of S.H.I.E.L.Ds government funding. Same month every year, date is chosen 2 months in advance. Since Maria Hill’s appointment to Deputy Director she has assumed that responsibility.” Nick explained. Natasha nodded, mulling over the information. She turns and heads to a vacant seat nearby.

Poring over the entire file she tried to make sense of it. Why her? What exactly did they want? They had lost track of the SUV 10 minutes after they left her building. Temporary camera black out city wide. These people had impressive resources.

“Air traffic?” Natasha says, not bothering to look up.

“We think she’s still in the city. As soon as the surveillance picked up on the abduction, instructions were sent to all airports within driving distance to ground all non commercial planes. Private air traffic was delayed and inspected by agents” replies a young agent to her right.

“Why do you think she’s in the city?” Natasha asks, knowing she couldn’t keep up the work much longer. Her head was splitting and the ache in her arm was radiating through her body.

“The camera blackout only affected the inner city. We have the footage from every city exit and no flags on the SUV or facial recognition inside the vehicles.” The agent looked just as tired as she did. He showed no signs of giving up his search anytime soon.

“I’m heading back to my quarters. If you have any new information I have my phone with me. This tablet will work in my room, right?” Natasha added as an afterthought. She felt too guilty to leave it behind. She knew she needed to rest. Having a few hours sleep will only help her focus on figuring out what the fuck happened to Hill.

“Yes, it will work anywhere on the helicarrier. I’ll let Director Fury know you’re still working on mission, Agent Romanoff” He answered.

“Thank you, Agent..?” she let the question linger.

“Childs, sir” he replied with a slight smile. She nodded in confirmation and headed toward her room not taking her eyes off the video of the kidnap. Hoping to see something, anything to give her clue on where to start.

Finally reaching her room she walked in not bothering to turn on the light. She climbed carefully on the bed, lying on her back. Closing her eyes, the pulse behind her eyes started to lessen. There was a nagging feeling at the back of her mind. She was missing something, she just didn’t know what.

\--

Natasha sat bolt upright. Their outfits. She had seen them before – in Moscow. Blantovs guys wore the same gear. Fucking identical. She had erased several from existence wearing those outfits, how had it not clicked? No way this is a coincidence. Practically leaping out of bed she headed to the control room.

Marching in she barked orders at whoever was closest,

“You, get Fury here now. You, I need everything you have on Antonin Blantov and whoever he has been in contact with in the last 12 months. Are they mob, free lance mercs, whatever they are they wear that uniform. Find brand, suppliers, a laundromat - someone knows."

Everyone jumped into action, the new information giving a boost everyone desperately needed. The hope was beginning to fade with the search. The new orders gave everyone a new sense of focus.

Ten minutes later Fury joined them,

“What have you got Romanoff?”he asked, eager for new information.

“The Moscow mission, sir. Barton and I were scouting an unknown potential Hydra facility – “ she started to explain.

“I debriefed Barton and the agents sent to assist. What does it have to do with Hill?” he cut her off, impatient to hear something he didn’t know.

“Look at what they are wearing.  Look familiar to you?” she held up the tablet with the recon shots she had taken of the warehouses where the women were being held. All the guards protecting the perimeter were wearing the same tactical gear as the men who abducted Maria. “It’s some kind of uniform.”

“Uh, Director Fury? I have a match.” Came a voice from across the room. Almost every eye in the room turned to look at her.

“A match for _what_ Agent Stillman?” Fury asked slowly, not wanting to get his hopes up.

“I ran a search for the uniform and uh.. well ill send it to you” she answered, nervous under the attention.

Fury looked down at the tablet still in Natashas hands, looking at an image of a woman, getting into a cab in Chinatown wearing the same outfit as Blantovs men, drenched in blood.

One thought ran through her mind. _She's alive_.


	3. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of liking the idea of if you have any suggestions on where you would like to see this story head, im all ears.   
> I'm really just making it up as I go along and if there was something that could fit into my general idea I'd be game for trying to fit it in. Tumblr of same name if you wanna chat. 
> 
> Thanks for even giving this story the time of day :)

There she was, looking straight at the camera, getting into a cab. Blood coated almost half of her face but that jaw line was as distinguishable as ever. In her right hand she held a small pistol, her left clutching her side.

“This is stamped over an hour ago. Has there been any contact from Agent Hill?” the Director asked of the room.

“No, sir. Nothing.” an agent answered. The atmosphere in the room was electric.

“Well where is the damn cab now?” Nick asked, his voice steadily rising in frustration.  “If this image was taken..” he glanced back at the tablet in Natashas hand “67 minutes ago, why the hell hasn’t she made contact?”

“Sir, the cab has been traced to 119 Fulton Street, Lower Manhattan.” Came a voice across the room. Natashas head whipped up, finally tearing her gaze from Marias face. Her mind running through every possible injury she could have to be covered in so much blood. Ultimately she came to the conclusion it wasn’t her blood, she wouldn’t still be standing if it was. That brought up a whole other load of questions. _What happened to you?_

“That’s her apartment. She went back to her apartment” Natasha said out loud, mostly to herself. “Sir, let me go bring her in.” She stood directly infront of Fury and looked up at him.

“Can confirm Maria Hill entered her apartment building 23 minutes ago.” Shouted an unknown voice.

“No. Thank you, Agent Romanoff, your assistance has been most helpful. However, in case you have forgotten, you were just _shot_ and you will not be cleared for field duty until medical says so. Get some rest, Natasha.” Fury replied. Natasha opened her mouth to argue but Nick kept talking,

“Agent Close, arrange a team to be dispatched to Agent Hill’s location. I want medical on hand and I want Hill in the infirmary within the hour.” Natasha tried really fucking hard to not punch Nick in the face. He brought her on the mission to just basically kick her off? No chance.

“Yes, sir.” Close replied, he turned at left.

“Everyone, good work. Objective remains the same, find what you can on anyone involved. Anyone who hasn’t slept in the last 48 hours, get out of here and I expect you back in here at 1000 hours” Nick called to everyone as he headed for the exit. Natasha stood beside the table. Glancing at the clock it was just after 2 am. She was too wired to even think about sleeping, so she headed to the gym. She could kill an hour before sneaking into the infirmary.

\--

45 minutes later, she made her way to medical. It was almost 3am now, so personnel were at a minimum throughout the helicarrier. When she got to the infirmary there were more people than usual, probably in preparation for Hill coming in. Natasha found a secluded spot where she wouldn’t be noticed. She took the tablet with her, looking through all the information collected on Blantov. He was scheduled for interrogation in 2 days.

Every few seconds her eyes flit to the doorway. She’d managed to avoid the glaringly obvious fact that her feelings for Maria hadn’t gone away. She hadn’t seen her in 4 months. Not even in passing. Not a single of her missions had involved her. She knew it wasn’t a coincidence and tried to not let it sting. She had no right to feel hurt by this. Whatever, it didn’t matter.

Antonin Blantov. Thirty-six. Russian. No known links to Hydra. He wasn’t even on any of SH.I.E.L.D.s watch lists, his profile was taken from Interpol. She flicked through the profiles of the Hydra agents that alerted them to the facility in the first place. Individuals suspected of using Hydras resources to fund their own research, no matter the cost to its experiment subjects. In this case their suspicions were validated, going through the debrief of agents on the ground at Akella, they found scores of corpses. Whatever they were working on, they were failing. The usual array of PhD’s is boasted under field of work. Genetics, biochemistry, biology – astrophysics. Well, that was different.

She glanced at the time in the corner of the screen.. _how can it only be 5 minutes.._

She was just here to make sure Hill was alive and breathing then it was back to normal. She already decided within the first several minutes of hearing Maria was kidnapped that her new normal would be making sure everyone involved in the abduction was eliminated. They had been friends before it escalated between them. She would do that for any of her friends.

How had they known she would be arriving home in the middle of the night? _Flight plan?_ It would mean there was a leak. It wouldn’t surprise her.

S.H.I.E.L.D had mostly eradicated hydra from its ranks but there were always stragglers trying to make a name for themselves. Delivering the Deputy Director on a platter was one way to do it.

There was a flurry of activity in the next room that broke her train of thought. She stood in the door way, obscured by shadows. Her first glimpse of Maria was of her being rushed into a secluded room with several doctors. Her clothes no doubt hid the extent of her injuries but she couldn’t help breathe a sigh of relief. She was here. Then she was gone. She couldn’t take a closer look without being seen, and right now she couldn’t afford any questions. If Fury saw her, she didn’t think any of her excuses for being here would hold up and she didn’t really feel like subduing the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D in the middle of a crowded infirmary. The doctors would probably attack her out of loyalty or something and did she really have the energy to take down an entire room of doctors? Probably, but they were helping Maria so she decided to just stay put.

Natasha could hear the steady beat of her heart monitor. It resonated in her ears and brought her racing heart back down to a non heart attack inducing level. She didn’t need to see her, she had no right to be here after their last conversation. The steady heartbeat was enough. Over the next half an hour, there were people in and out of her room. Nick arrived, and left shortly after. Several agents came and went, everything Maria came in with left in bags for analysis. Eventually the doctors filtered out around 4am most likely to get a couple of hours sleep before they’d be expected to start their shift.

She figured it was quiet enough that she could finally sneak in and see her. When the nurse turned to do something on the computer, Natasha silently moved forward and slipped into Marias room. It was worse than she thought. The nurses had cleaned most of the blood from her face only to reveal dark bruises colouring most of her face. Some looked old, some fresh.

Natasha dared to move closer. Maria looked asleep, most likely they gave her a sedative. She tore her gaze from her face to assess Marias body. _All body parts. Good._ Her arms also showed signs of bruising. Needle marks punctured her skin. Her wrists had been bandaged, Natasha could only assume the reason was rope burn or cut by handcuffs, common injuries in people restrained too long. The rest of her body was obscured by blankets.

Natasha subconsciously rubbed at her wrist before snapping her arms back to her sides. Confident Maria wasn’t going to wake up and order her from her room, she picked up the file at the foot of Marias bed, and flicking through it. Yep, she’s out cold and will be for the next several hours. Her list of injuries was relatively long. Two broken ribs, multiple lacerations at risk to infection and dehydration to name a few.

Putting the file back, she sat in the corner and looked at her for a while. None of her injuries were life threatening. She would survive this and be back to avoiding her in no time. The steady rhythm of the heart monitor was strangely reassuring. She felt her eyes closing and her body curling up on the chair. The tightness in her chest that had been present since yesterday morning had begun to ebb away. Breathing easier, she stole a last glance at Maria before sleep consumed her.


	4. Is this real life?

_Natasha_

“Nat, don’t do this..” Maria was still sitting in her bed. Her eyes were shining but she was too proud to let any tears fall in front of Natasha. She looked to the side, her breathing too controlled to be natural, neck tendons straining.  “If you go now you, know what it means.”

Natasha stopped, her hand on the door handle. She couldn’t look back. _I have to. I can’t ruin you._

“I’m sorry.” She choked out before nearly ripping the door off its hinges and running before she could change her mind.

_Natasha_

Her eyes snapped open. Fucking hell, she had slept in prisons more comfortable than this chair. She slowly sat up, wiping the drool from the side of her mouth inconspicuously while stretching out her neck.

“Subtle Nat, but you missed some drool.” Came a quiet voice across the room. Maria was sitting up in the bed, staring at her. “You didn’t wake up when I shouted.. well tried to shout.” Natashas eyes flashed to Marias neck, there were dark bruises blooming against the skin _. “_ Are you ok?” Maria explained, gesturing vaguely at the empty cup on the floor she had flung to get her attention. She missed by like three feet but the noise achieved what her aim couldn’t.

Natasha scoffed, “Am I ok? Yeah I’m fine. Are you? What happened? Did you recognise any of them? What did they want? How did you escape?” blurted out of her in one breath as she stood and walked towards her. Bombarding Maria with questions wasn’t exactly how she wanted this to go, truthfully she wanted to be gone before she woke up but having 3 hours sleep in 36 hours caught up with her. She reached out to grab Marias hand before realising what she was doing. She should be grateful she hasn’t been told to leave yet let alone allowed to touch her.

Folding her arms, she hoped Maria hadn’t noticed what she intended to do. It looked like she was in the clear because Maria hasn’t lifted her gaze from her lap since Natasha spoke.

“Maria..”Natasha started, trying to get her to look at her. Maria looked like she was trying to hold back tears. She glanced at Natasha, eyes shining, and tried to give a weak smile.

“I’m fine” she said, unconvincingly, followed by a slight sniff. “How long was I...” she coughed a little, clearing her throat, “How long was I gone? A few nurses have come in to check on me but no one will tell me anything. They took my file once they saw I was awake” she finished with a slight scowl. Natasha knew she was thinking she should have looked at it sooner. The redhead couldn’t stop the smile taking over her face. It dropped once she realised she was going to have to tell her what she knew. She wouldn’t lie to her.

“You were gone for 14 days. As far as I know your file only had a preliminary exam on it. You came in around 4am this morning. You have 2 broken ribs, you are severely dehydrated and malnourished and you needed stitches on multiple lacerations.” She was beginning to think the preliminary exam didn’t even scratch the surface to the atrocities Maria was subjected to. This wasn’t something she could just bounce back from. “You’re wrists are also hurt, so don’t pick at the bandages” she chided as she noticed Maria fidgeting with the fray of the fabric. “They gave you a sedative to help you sleep as well as some pain meds, which I would bet money is the main reason I’m still in here” she half-joked, half-totally-meant-it.

Natashas eyes never left Marias face, attempting to gauge a reaction as she read out her file from memory. Her stoicism rivalled even the Black Widow, Natasha would have been impressed if it wasn’t for the panic building up. She had always been able to read Maria, well she could read anyone but with Maria it was always so clear what she was thinking. How she felt. Now, it was blank.

Marias eyes were unfocused as she listened to Natasha. “Hey..” Natasha whispered as she reached out to thread her fingers through Marias. Emboldened by the fact if she hasn’t been kicked out by now, she figured she probably wasn’t going to be. She gave a little squeeze and felt one in return. “It’ll be ok. We’ll find them, I promise you. I am _so sorry_ we didn’t find you. “

Maria lifted her shoulders in a little shrug. Natasha wanted nothing more than to know what was going on inside her head. What she was feeling, how she could help her. She opted to just stay silent. Let Maria talk in her own time. Maria shuffled down in the bed slowly, trying to not jostle too much and hurt her ribs. She clung onto Natashas hand and closed her eyes. Natasha scooted her chair closer to the bed and pressed a small kiss to the back of Marias hand.

“I missed you..” Maria admitted quietly, not opening her eyes. Natasha didn’t say anything, but she started to rub her thumb back and forth as her breathing began to even out as she fell asleep.

Natasha had no plans of leaving, so she got comfortable and decided to check for any updated information on Marias case.

\--

“Jesus Christ, do you ever listen Romanoff?” came Nicks familiar drawl as he walked into the room. Natasha was in the slightly more comfortable chair beside Marias bed, still holding her hand. She was reclining in the seat, her feet propped up on the bed.

Natashas head jerked up to meet his eye, tearing her focus from the screen on her lap. Staring at the same information was getting her nowhere, so she spent the last hour playing angry birds on the tablet. He wasn’t looking at her though, his attention was captured by the entwined hands resting on the bed. She caught a look of surprise ghost his expressions before it schooled back into one of disinterest. Theory confirmed: Nick Fury is in fact _not_ omniscient. She smirked up at him. Let him try figure this shit show out. Maybe he can let her in on it.

“What part of this doesn’t look like resting, sir?” responded Natasha, innocence coating every word to soften the sarcasm. At the talking in the previously silent room, Maria had begun to stir. Nick moved closer to sit on the chair closest to the door, opposite Natasha. Natasha had started to sit up properly, dropping her feet to the floor. She had to lean forward slightly awkwardly due to Marias hand still gripping hers tightly. Yes, perfect, draw attention to it. Jesus, just what she needs. She started to flex her fingers, trying to subtly disentangle herself.

“Agent Hill! It is damn good to see you.” Nick said emphatically leaning over to gently squeeze her shoulder, once he noted her eyes were open. “How are you feeling?” The concern poured from the normally reserved man. It was no secret Hill and Coulson were his favourites. She tensed slightly at the touch, but gave him a small smile as she began to lift herself into a seated position. She tried to pull back her right hand to push herself up more, taking Natashas hand with her. Maria looked surprised to see someone else in the room, let alone holding their hand. When she realised it was Natasha, confusion was written across her face.

Immediately she unclenched her fingers, releasing Natashas hand. Natasha flexed her fingers helping get the circulation back in through her extremities a few times before bringing them to a rest on her lap. Even in her sleep her grip didn’t falter. She’d seen Marias shock at her sitting there. She felt foolish. She shouldn’t be here. Drugged up admissions and comfort in moments of vulnerability didn’t erase the hurt.  She probably didn’t even remember talking last night. Fuck, she needed to get out of here. Her thoughts were interrupted when Maria turned her attention back to Nick,

“Uh fine sir, a little banged up but nothing that won’t heal” she answered, the confident statement marred slightly by the rasp in her voice and the fact she won’t make eye contact with anyone when she speaks. From the look Nick gives her, he isn’t buying it either.

“I should uh.. go and let you two speak” Natasha utters quietly, standing up and quickly make her way to the door. She reaches out to grasp the handle,

“Wait!”

Natasha pauses, holding the handle. She didn’t hesitate to turn around to find Maria staring at her, open and honest expressions hidden under violent colours.

“Come back later? Please?” Natasha nods and tears from the room. Walking through the infirmary reception, she tried to control the joy screaming through her body. Maybe it wasn’t destroyed. Maybe she could fix it. No, hope was a mistake. She was getting ahead of herself. She would go back later. One step at a time.

\--

Natasha decided to track down Clint and find out if he knew anything more about Blantov. She hadn’t been able to do much research of her own, just checking up on the files on the tablet. She had her suspicions but nothing was confirmed yet. Suspicion number one was that they were giving Blantov way too much credit. Yeah he didn’t wear a uniform like the rest but he was still just a driver. She needed to know who they worked for, that was the start of this investigation.

It was around 8:30 am and she had been awake and starving for hours now. She couldn’t bring herself let go of that hand regardless of the hunger pangs. Knowing Clint would be devouring half a ton of eggs, she headed to the mess hall where breakfast would be in full swing.

Spotting him across the room, she walked over and dropped into the seat opposite him,

“Nat, where the fuck have you been, dude?” Clint exclaimed. He had expected her to join debrief after having her arm patched up but that was 2 days ago and he hadn’t heard from her since.

“Agent Asshole came for me at the infirmary. Fury wanted to see me. You hear about Maria?” Natasha explained as she reached over for a forkful of scrambled eggs before shoving them into her mouth.

“Good old Close, huh?  _Love_ that guy. Yeah, shit it’s all anyone is talking about. Should have realised you were on it. She’s back, right? Is she ok?” Clint asked, he and Maria had never been friends but he knew something had happened between her and Natasha. Natasha never spoke about it except the one time he found her drunk off her ass lounging on top of a quinjet. It took the lure of a new bottle of vodka to convince her to come down and go inside. When he finally got her back to her room, she told him enough for him to put together the rest of the story. It was never mentioned again by either of them.

“Yeah she’s back. Not sure about the ok part yet.”Natasha wasn’t about to regale Marias medical history in the open. When you work on an enclosed vessel, gossip was rife. No doubt the details would get out soon enough but she wouldn't be the cause. She grabbed a piece of toast off Clints tray and took a bite before continuing,

“I’m actually here to talk about Moscow. Blantovs guys were involved in taking her, I need to find out who they work for. Do you know anything more about them?” she asked, swallowing as she finished her question.

“Well for starters we should stop calling them ‘Blantovs guys’. The guy is an idiot. According to a couple other agents he was spouting some amount of shit on the way back here, shouting about how he isn’t Hydra, he just supplied the girls - as if that wasn’t a fucking crime?” Barton chuckled, “He didn’t say who he worked for yet, but he will. I’m leading his interrogation tomorrow.”

“Did the ground team find any documents about their research? If they hired these guys to supply girls in Moscow and the same group kidnapped Maria we need to know if they did anything to her” Natasha says.

“Yeah they found quite a lot but R&D are still sifting through it. From initial reports it looks like every single one of their experiment subjects died though, so it probably wasn’t the same thing. Is there evidence she was experimented on? I’ll ask Blantov what he knows tomorrow but I get the feeling he was kept out of the big league stuff” Clint asks, not sugar-coating the reality of the situation.

“Yeah probably not the same thing..” Natasha responds, “but uh.. yeah needle marks. Too many to just be sedatives. Torture or experimentation, pick your prize.” She attempts to joke about the dire situation to distract herself from the growing ache in her chest as she thinks about how long Maria was there, how long they had to hurt her while Natasha was in Russia unaware.

“Jesus. Do you know where she was being held? We could go scope it out later?” Clint suggested

“No info yet, but she’s talking to Fury now. I’m gonna go for a shower and head back down to see her.” Natasha says as she stands, “I’ll let you know if there’s any new info. Get me as many names as you can from Blantov. We have hunting to do.” She leans down and grabs another slice of toast bringing it up to her forehead in a salute as she leaves.

Natasha reaches her room, stripping as she walked to the ensuite. For essentially being on a giant plane, the water pressure was insane. She stood under the steady stream, washing away all the dirt and grime from the mission, while carefully keeping her arm from under the showers aim. The last few days had been intense, and she could feel herself relax under the heat. She took her time scrubbing every last inch of her body and massaging the shampoo into her hair. Rinsing herself of soap and shampoo she got out of the shower, brushed her teeth and quickly dried herself off before collapsing onto her bed. She would have a quick nap before going back to Maria, who _asked_ her to go back. She fell asleep with a content smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Shit? Not Shit? I can't really tell.


	5. Home

Natasha cracked an eye open, glancing at the clock on her on the bedside table. It was the longest sleep she’d had over the last several days. It was almost 1pm and she woke feeling better than she had in days, if not pretty cold. She had collapsed on top of the bed completely naked, not even bothering to go under the covers. She lifted her arms above her head and stretched her body out as much as her muscles would allow with a soft groan. There was a slight twinge in her arm, but it was nothing compared to a couple of days ago. Pretty soon there would just be a scar, she was grateful for her accelerated healing but it would always be tainted with bitterness.

She lay in bed a while longer, savouring the feeling of the soft sheets against her skin. There was a lightness in her chest she hadn’t experienced in far too long. She knew the situation was still royally fucked, Maria had suffered to an extent not yet known and she was still in a certain degree of danger. They still knew nothing about who had taken her, how big their organisation was or what their end objective was. They could still be after her for all they know. But still, Maria said she had _missed_ her, she didn’t hate her for leaving. With everything that had happened, Natashas fears that she would somehow destroy Maria paled in comparison to the very real fear that she had lost her permanently.

Standing up, she began her morning routine. Brushing her teeth, the studied her reflection in the mirror. She definitely look more rested, at least Fury couldn’t complain, she made a mental note to get the nurse who tried to flirt with her to sign her off for field duty. She knew Barton would sneak her on the quinjet if she asked but she might as well try proper channels first. Her hair was sticking up at odd angles and her curls were wild. With a sigh she began to tame it, dragging the brush through her hair.

Just as she was finishing up in the bathroom, there was a knock at her door. Since she was technically off duty for now, she threw on dark jeans and a black tank top before going to answer it.

“Sir? Is something wrong?” Natasha says, shocked to find the Director banging on her door. Immediately thinking something was wrong with Maria, she waited for him to respond. He looked slightly exasperated, but he was almost as skilled as she was when it came to hiding how he felt.

“Agent Hill is refusing to stay in the infirmary. She is demanding to go home. “ says Nick

“What? She can’t. We don’t know who took her. They might try again. Is she crazy?” Natasha exclaimed. Granted her control over her emotions had been lacking the last couple of days.

“Agent Romanoff, this is a delicate situation. Agent Hill has clearly suffered a great deal of trauma and when I denied her request to be discharged, she became... distressed, to say the least.” Nick faltered on the explanation, clearly trying his hardest to remain in a professional setting. Again Natasha was reminded this Maria was not one she was familiar with. Maria would never lose her cool in front of a superior officer.

“I am prepared to allow her to return to her apartment under several conditions.”

“Nick you can’t be serious.” Natasha tried to appeal to his senses

“There will be two guard details covering both entrances to the complex.” He continued, ignoring her interruption. “Independent cameras not connected to a grid and are resistant to EMPs will be placed in several locations and finally,” He looked her straight in the eyes, “she will not leave your sight.”

Natasha looked at him perplexed. Did he mean what she thought she did?

“I... I can’t.” Natasha stuttered out, completely thrown by the request “I think you should talk to Maria about this first.”She wanted to be in Marias life again, she wasn’t anywhere near ready for this. It was too much.

“She asked for you.” Nick stated, “I told her the conditions, one condition being she is accompanied by an agent at all times – look, this isn’t just babysitting duty. Agent Hill has been through a traumatic experience and the consequences of that are unknown. I need you to watch her, make sure nothing happens. She isn’t safe to be alone right now, and she refuses to stay here. She asked for _you,_ Natasha.”

She knew he was manipulating her, and she was furious it was working. She looked away from the intense eye contact, clenching her jaw, considering all her options. It would mean she wouldn’t be on the case, Barton would take the lead on figuring out Moscow, Blantov, everything she needed to go after the dickheads that kidnapped her.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Natasha conceded “Orders?”

If Nick was surprised at her easy convincing, he didn’t show it,

“Two teams have already been dispatched to the building to set up the cameras. Guard details will be day shift and night shift. Preliminary time frame is two weeks, we will reassess the need for guard detail after that. They are surveillance only, though if needed are fully equipped to handle any threats.” He explained “Natasha.. we still don’t know exactly what happened to her. She refused any further exams and treatments. I’ve never known Hill to be so against protocol. I need you to be on alert for anything out of the ordinary and to contact me immediately if she needs medical assistance, understood?”

The words caught in her throat so she gave a firm nod in response. He was worried. Really worried. It was infectious and Natasha found her own worry growing in return.

“Get packing, Agent Romanoff. You leave in 2 hours.”

He turned and left her small room, her mind reeling from the conversation. The lightness she had woken up with had once again contorted into something much darker. It left her feeling heavy and restless. She tried to push it down and get on with it. She filled a duffel bag with what clothes she could find and gathered some toiletries. Whatever she forgot she could always buy more. Sentimentality was not one of Natashas favoured traits.

\--

 

An hour and a half later, Natasha strolled into the infirmary, duffel in hand, heading towards Marias room. She cast a glance at the reception noticing Nurse Kyle watching her. She gave a quick smile her way and walked in the room. Maria was sitting on the edge of the bed, attempting to lace up her boots. At first Natasha thought her bruises were healing remarkably quick, but on a closer look she realised Maria had attempted to cover them with makeup. She did a surprisingly good job considering the extent of the bruising. Natasha stood and watched her struggle with the laces for a few seconds. This is ridiculous.

“Why are you doing this, you should stay here” she said with a sigh as she dropped her duffel and walked over to stand in front of Maria. Dropping to kneel, she swatted Marias hands away from the laces and began to tighten them up and secure them with a neat bow. Maria straightened up again with a low groan, relieving the pressure to her ribs. Looking up when Maria didn’t reply, she saw the increasingly familiar blank expression on her face.  She lifted her hand to rest it on Marias knee. “You need to heal, this is the best place for you”

“No. I need to go home. There’s someth- I just need to go home.” Her words were abrupt and slightly disjointed. Eyes wide, she looked almost on the verge of panic.

“Ok, ok. You convinced Fury, don’t worry, you’re going home.” Natasha tried to reassure her. She was out of her depth with this, but giving up on her wasn’t really an option. “Did someone pack your things for you?”

“Um, it was already packed I guess. When I came back for the meeting I had packed everything... they told me they collected it. It’s on the plane already I think.” She explained in a quiet voice, eyes cast on the floor.

“Uh, right, yeah. Sorry.” Fuck, she was fucking this up already. “We should get going. You ready?” She needed to get moving or she was going to explode from the uncertainty of the entire situation.

Still looking down, she nodded slightly and began to shuffle forward, her feet planting firmly on the floor before attempting to push herself up. She was a bit wobbly on her feet, but when she found her balance she began to walk forward. Natasha studied her as she walked towards her, almost out of habit whenever she was around Maria. She was wearing SHIELD issue cargo pants with a thick jacket. The arms were slightly too long and her fingers where just poking out. At a glance, you would never know anything had happened.

She opened the door and gestured for Maria to go first as she collected her bag. The sounds of the busy infirmary flowed in through the open door and Maria froze. Natasha waited 30 seconds before reaching forward and gently grasping Marias hand. She startled at the touch but it had the desired effect. She took a deep breath and stepped forward, gripping Nats hand tight. They crossed the infirmary quickly, Maria keeping her head down avoiding eye contact with everyone. Natasha kept her head high, keeping her gaze on the exit. Natasha kept holding Marias hand the entire way to the hangar.

They got settled in the quinjet. Natasha went about securing their bags and Maria sat down heavily in one of the seats closest to the back. She was exhausted from the walk and Natasha could tell she was in pain with every step but she didn’t stop for a break once. Every time they passed someone, her grip had tightened on Natasha’s hand. She tried to let her know she was safe by rubbing her thumb over the back of her hand, anything to try and soothe her.

The journey wasn’t too long, Nat hoped the ride was smooth enough that Maria wasn’t in too much pain travelling. She should still be in bed, for fuck sake. The entire ride back, Natasha was plagued by thoughts that she was being left out the loop with this mission. Fury knew something he wasn’t sharing. Maria wasn’t speaking _at all_. She hated the uncertainty.

\--

Thankfully, Maria’s apartment building was large enough that the quinjet could drop them on the roof. It saved unnecessary travel and exposure. Natasha was on edge enough without a solo car ride with a silent Maria and thinking every car was going to run them off the road and take her.

They only had one flight of stairs to walk down, Maria going first with Natasha following behind her. Concern coloured Natashas face as she watched Maria struggle, the pain she felt evidently not only from the broken ribs. If she was going to take care of her, she would need to find out what happened. Getting Maria to talk about it wouldn’t be easy, hell getting her to talk about _anything_ seemed near impossible at the moment.

When they reached Marias front door, the first thing Natasha saw was blood. There was blood on the door at the bottom, as well as on the floor. She grabbed Marias arm, pulling her away so she could check for intruders,

“No, its ok. It was me. I.. I came back here. I couldn’t get in so I.. I just sat down.” Maria explained, in a surprising moment of sharing.

“Why did you come here? Why didn’t you call Fury, the cab driver would have had a cell” Natasha asked, confused. Marias eyes glanced up at her every few seconds, like she was trying to keep eye contact but failing,

“I don’t know... It was like I was on auto-pilot. Before I realised where I was, SHIELD were here taking me in.” She explained, opening the door behind her. Natasha nodded at her explanation, not sure of what to say.

Maria walked inside, dumping her bag at the door and taking off her jacket, that’s clearly too big for her. Some of the tension left Marias stiff shoulders as she took in the familiar surroundings. Maybe her coming home wasn’t such a bad idea.

“I’m going to go for a shower. You know you’re away around.. “ she trailed off, staring at Natasha who still stood near the door not sure what to do. A frown settled on Marias face as she turned and walked to the bathroom.

Everything about this was awkward. The last time she was in this apartment she had destroyed the best thing that had happened to her, and now they were forced together again, forced to deal with unresolved feelings, conversations that they never had now lingered in the air between them, suffocating them.

With a sigh, Natasha began wandering around, familiarising herself with the place again. She always loved this apartment, so open and spacious. She had stayed here regularly, before they were stationed on the helicarrier. The sliding doors to the balcony were the height of the wall, revealing a stunning view of the city. Wandering outside, she’s reminded of lazy days, cooking breakfast together, fucking against the kitchen island, napping, ordering thai food, fucking on the balcony. It was the most human she had ever felt, with Maria. Shaking her head she tore herself from the memories. This was a mission, she needed to stay clear headed.

She went to the kitchen to see if there was any food, she would make some lunch for Maria coming out of the shower. Empty cupboards, empty fridge, she needed to go grocery shopping asap. She figured she could go while Maria was in the shower, there was a store down the street. It shouldn’t take too long. She headed over to the bathroom door and gave a quick knock.

“Maria, I’m going to go get food, do you want anything?” Natasha shouted through the door. She waited for a response. Nothing.

“Maria?” She tried a bit louder. She should have heard her over the water. She tried the door. Unlocked. She opened it tentatively, calling as she went in “Maria, are you ok?” Steam came billowing out of the room, she could hardly breathe through it. Rushing forward she whipped back the shower curtain to find Maria sitting in the bathtub, hugging her knees tight against her chest, hot water pelting her. She turned the hot water off and knelt down beside the tub hoping the cold water would soothe her scarlet skin. She didn’t even flinch at the change in temperature, or even acknowledge Natashas presence.

“Hey, come on, let’s get you out of here ok?” Natasha says quietly. Her skin had begun to go back to its normal colour, Natasha reached over and grasped Marias knee, “I’ll order some pizza and we can watch shitty TV.”

“I just wanted to be clean.” She murmurs.

“I know, babe. Come on, I’ll help you up.” Natasha says as she stands up, reaching for a towel to wrap her in. Maria began to unravel herself and try to stand up. Her wrist bandages would need to be changed. When she stood, Natasha reached forward to wrap her in the towel, hugging her tight. She felt Marias hands clutch at her back, grasping at her jacket. The sobs wracked her body and she buried her face in the crook of Natashas neck. “Hey, it’s ok. You’re ok, you’re ok” Natasha tried to console her. They stood like this for a few minutes before Maria calmed.

Maria pulled back, holding onto the towel as Natasha helped her step out of the bath, holding tightly onto her hand.

“Let’s get you dried off. Do you want me to help?” asking for Marias permission before doing anything. She nodded in response. “Ok, I’m going to dry you with the towel. Are you ok with that?”Another nod.

Natasha had to pry Marias hands from the towel. Once she let it go she dropped her hands to her side and let Natasha dry her. Natasha tried to be quick but thorough, the last thing she needed on was to catch a chill on top of everything else. Natasha was right in thinking injuries she had sustained had been extensive. Bruises littered her body. The ones that concerned Natasha the most were the one on the inside of her thighs. The file had said nothing of sexual assault but it could explain some of her erratic behaviour. She quickly checked all of her stitches, being careful not to tug on any.

She was just as beautiful as Natasha remembered. She brought the towel up to her head, squeezing her hair, she was focusing so hard on being gentle she never noticed Maria staring at her. Dropping her eyes down to meet her gaze, she let the towel fall. It was an intense look, her eyes still slightly red from crying.

“Thank you” Maria ended the silent stare. It was a loaded statement, Natasha knew she didn’t mean thank you for drying her. Natasha smiled in return

“There’s nothing to thank me for. Anything for you” she said as she brushed a stray strand of hair from her face. Maria leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss. It only last a couple of seconds before she pulled back, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Natasha stood there, eyes still closed. Breathing out a heavy sigh, she opened her eyes, finding Marias gaze. Seeing Marias first smile in days, she couldn’t help but return one.

"I’ll go order us the pizza. Get your jammies on, you can choose the movie.” Natasha said as she walked backwards toward the door. “You’re ok?” she added.

“Yeah Nat, I’ll be out in a few” Maria assures. Natasha nodded, heading out to find her phone.

Natasha shed her jacket, now it was drenched. She found her phone, ordering a domino’s on her app and sitting on the couch. Things felt more normal for her than they had in a long time. She hoped she could help Maria feel more normal too. In that moment, she decided to make it her new mission. First, help Maria find her new normal. Second, destroy the people who stole her old normal.

 


	6. Pizza day

While waiting for Maria to come out of the bathroom, Natasha went to get the first aid kit she knew was kept in the kitchen. She knew its contents by heart, she was the main reason it was here. Natasha would show up at Marias bleeding or hurt after a rough mission and Maria would have to patch her up. She sought out the bandages, anti bacterial cream and scissors, before placing everything on the table in front of the couch. She sat back, resting her bare feet on the table, crossing them over. Flicking through the TV she left it on a daytime talk show rerun. It was a guilty pleasure.

She heard the bathroom door open behind her, and she reflexively turned to look. She was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a dark tank top. Her hair was still damp, and with no makeup on Natasha could see the bruising was beginning to lessen. She went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and pulled two beers from the drawer at the bottom. Heading over to join Natasha on the couch, she gave her a look that screamed _really?_ at her choice in show. Natasha just gave her a smirk and shrugged, reaching out for the beer.

“I need to change your bandages, you wanna look for a movie?” Natasha asked, reaching to pick up the scissors.

“Sure, any preferences?” Maria asked, sounding more like herself than she had since she got back. It warmed Natasha.

“Nah you choose” Natasha gestured for Maria to extend her arm. There was a slight hesitation before she exposed her arm to her. Natasha used the scissors to cut off the sodden bandage wrapped around her wrist, while taking great care to not stab her with them. Pulling it away, she saw it was bruised and cut, recognising the injuries from pulling on handcuffs all too well.

“They were pretty adamant I stick around” Maria remarked bitterly, not looking away from the TV.

“We will find them, you know that yeah?” Natasha said, telling herself that as much as Maria. “This will heal, it all will heal, I promise. At the red room.. they used to handcuff us to the bed every night, so we wouldn’t escape. At first we would struggle, try to fight it. Eventually, it..  it just became normal. My scars healed.. so will yours.”

Maria turned her head slightly in her direction, her eyes shining, “It doesn’t feel like it, right now.” Natasha could the ache in her chest coming back. She felt helpless.

“I know.” She lifted Marias hand, pressing a light kiss to her knuckles. “You’ll see though.” Natasha started to massage the cream into her wrist. Maria clenched her jaw, the only indication she was in pain. Natasha tried to be as quick as possible, repeating the process on the other wrist before wrapping them in the gauze.

“All done. They should be fine for a couple of days, don’t get them wet though ok?”

Maria nodded in response, taking a swig of her beer. She had finally settled on a random made for TV movie, when there was a loud buzz through the apartment. Maria jumped, her knuckles whitening as she gripped the bottle in her hand.

“It’s ok, it’s just the pizza.” Natasha reassured as she got up to let the delivery guy in the building. Maria relaxed and turned her attention back to the TV to cover up her embarrassment.

Two minutes later, the smell of pizza filled the apartment and Natasha stashed the cookie dough ice cream in the freezer.

A comfortable silence settled over them as they both chewed on pepperoni pizza. Maria had been reluctant to take a slice, but after a pointed look from Natasha she reached to the box and took one. Having ordered pepperoni specifically for Maria, Natasha was going to make sure she ate it. Natasha was on her second slice before Maria had eaten half of her first. It was amazing, eating shitty canteen food for months, it was a piece of heaven in her mouth. Maria was curled up on the opposite end of the couch from Natasha, staring at the television. Feeling absolutely no shame, she went in for a third.

Maria obviously wasn’t watching the movie. Natasha wasn’t either, she was too busy watching Maria _not_ watching the movie.

“So, I have to ask you something. It’s pretty serious and I need you to answer honestly, cause I really don’t think I could be let down if you lie, ok?” Natasha interrupted the silence, effectively pulling Maria from wherever she went in her head. She took another bite. Maria stiffened at the question. She looked over at Natashas sombre face with a wary expression, but she nodded, indicating for Natasha to go ahead and ask.

“Okay, so I need to know just how much pull you have on the helicarrier. This is the first pizza I’ve had in months, _months_ Maria. Surely the Deputy Director can arrange like.. I don’t know.. pizza day once a month or _something._ I just don’t know if I can go back to that kind of pizza free existence.”  Natasha asked, clearly trying to hide her smile.

Natasha watched the emotion change on her face with each passing word. Worry gave way to exasperation and finally settled on amusement.

“You’re an idiot.” Laughed Maria. Playfulness danced in Natasha eyes as she continued,

“Wow, rude. This is a very serious request to my superior officer, Sir. Can you, or can you not, swing pizza day?” Natashas resolve finally broke and a thousand watt smile broke over her face.

“I’ll see what I can do” says Maria with a roll of her eyes. It was getting late and Natasha could tell Maria was exhausted. She had begun to shift to lie on the couch more comfortably. She had stretched her legs, still slightly bent as to not kick Natasha. Just as Nat was about to reach out to grasp Marias ankle and pull it across her lap, Maria suddenly sat up leaning forward slightly.

“Are you ok?” Natasha asked quickly, worried. She was breathing deep, hands on her knees. “Are you gonna be sick? Should I get the basin? Shouldn’t have let you drink beer..” Natasha chided herself. She scooted forward to rest her hand on Marias back. After a few more deep breaths Maria tilted her head at her,

“Let me? Please.” She scoffed. The colour had drained from her face, well the parts that weren’t blue. “I’m ok, it’s passed.” Another deep breath. “Could you get me a some water please?”

“Yeah, of course.” She quickly crossed the room to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.

Handing out the bottle of water to Maria, she sat down close to her.

“I’m ok, honestly. It was just a side effect of the medicine I took earlier. I think I’m gonna try sleep” Marias vague explanation only increased Natasha concern. Natasha watched as Maria stood and walked towards the bed. “I’m gonna turn the lights off, ok? You can keep the TV on, though”

 Medicine? Maria was obviously shutting her out, why now?

“I didn’t know they had given you meds.”

“Uh yeah, just some painkillers. For the ribs..” Natasha didn’t remember Maria being this bad a liar. Or maybe she just hadn’t lied to her before. Maria had to know Natasha wasn’t buying a word.

“It’s fine Nat, I’m fine now.” Maria tried to get her to drop it. Flicking the light switch before climbing into bed, she effectively cut off any further conversation. Natasha was left sitting on the couch, worry building with every second. With a sigh, she turned off the tv and decided to drop it. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it.

Natasha went to get the spare sheets and pillow from the closet and try to sleep for the night. She got settled on the couch, staring at the ceiling. Just as she got comfortable enough to fall asleep, the pressure from her bladder made itself apparent and she got up to pee. After washing her hands, she sighed and sat on the edge of the bath. She didn’t know how to do this. Maria’s moods are erratic, she needed help Natasha couldn’t provide, even if she desperately wanted to. Natashas method of dealing with her problems were to _not._ She would let them fester and build until ultimately she ruined all the good things in her life. Relationship with Maria: Exhibit A. Washing her face, she headed back to the couch.

“Feelings of nausea are a common side effect of levonorgestrel. “ Marias voice was quiet in the silence of the apartment. Natasha froze. What the fuck was that? “Also known as Plan B.”

For a second, Natasha thought she might be sick. She swallowed, choking down the sensation.

“Maria..” Natasha didn’t know what to say. What _could_ she say? Anything that popped into her head seemed trivial.

“I just needed to be sure, nothing would happen.” She continued, her words merging together, seemingly desperate to explain. “I couldn’t tell them, I couldn’t have it on my record. I needed it, Natasha.”

Natasha moved as quickly has her feet would take her, climbing on the bed, her hands seeking Maria in a will of their own. She couldn’t control the tears escaping her eyes. Maria reached out to grip her, pulling her close. Too many emotions were flooding her body for her to identify a single one, all she could focus on was holding her. Maria tucked herself under Natashas chin, pulling her close, desperate for the comfort. They just clung to each other, both crying, both not wanting the other to know. They both knew.

They had cried themselves out after about half an hour, the room was quiet and cold and Natasha shifted to climb under the covers. The rigidity of Marias body had relaxed; Natasha would have thought she was asleep if it wasn’t for the careful control of her breathing. Natasha had to extricate herself from Maria to slip under the covers, and soon as she was in Maria gripped her around the stomach, pulling her in close as she rested her head on Natasha shoulder. Natasha was lying on her back with her arm curled around Marias back.

Natasha willed her mind to _shut. up._ All she could think about was the multiple ways she was going to disembowel everyone who hurt Maria. Now wasn’t the time, but the fantasies stopped her from rushing from the room and actually doing it. She tried to bring herself back to the present so she focused on Maria. She trailed her finger tips along the exposed sliver of skin where her tank top had ridden up. Maria gave a content sigh at the contact and reached to thread fingers with Natasha other hand. She heard Maria take a deep breath, as if to speak and then falter. She did it a few times, so Natasha gave a kiss to the crown of her head in silent encouragement. Eventually,

“They were going to kill me. I don’t remember much, to be honest.” She starts with a shaky voice “The first week.. the days blended together. I was drugged most of the time. There’s snippets of them questioning me.. fuck knows what drugs they used. It was like.. amnesia I guess. They would question me and I would answer, then I couldn’t remember what was asked or what I said. All I remember is being returned to the room, covered in cuts and bruises and another needle mark to add to the collection. I could have given them anything, but I figured out after – I couldn’t tell them what they wanted. When they weren’t interrogating me, I was handcuffed to the bed in my cell”

Natasha stayed quiet, not wanting to interrupt or put her off. It was good for Maria to talk and the more she said, the more Natasha had to work with on hunting them down. Her thumb began to rub back and forth on the back of Marias hand.

“The guards,” Maria cleared her throat “There was one guard. He was just a kid. He was the only one who gave me food. He gave me extra sips of water when it was his turn. I would have died if it wasn’t for him.” Natasha could hear the guilt in her voice as she spoke about the guard. She suspected the blood Maria as drenched in when she escaped belonged, at least in part, to this guard.

“After about a week, I think, they stopped the interrogations. They had much more fun things to do” she added sarcastically. “It was excruciating, Natasha. I thought they were trying to kill me. It felt like I was dying, and then I would wake up in the cell shivering. After the first ‘treatment’ “ she scoffed “I was in some kind of makeshift lab. They were talking about me like I wasn’t there. The scientists, they were so excited. It was disgusting. They were all huddled around the computer. I was kind of out of it, I tried to listen over the pain, they were talking about needing samples. Brain.. marrow. I passed out, I didn’t think I was going to wake up again. I wish I hadn’t. “

The longer Maria spoke, the more rage built in Natasha chest. The breath caught in her throat at her words, she pulled away slightly so she could look at Marias face. Maria wouldn’t look her in the eye. Natasha put her fingers under Marias chin and coaxed her up, finally Maria met her eyes.

“You survived, do you understand? Do you know how many people this would have broken? I’ve seen people give up after a lot less than you have endured. You are _here_ and _alive_ and you will get through this. It’s my new mission, and you know I don’t fail at my missions.” She finished with a slight smile. “I’m with you every step ok? I promise. Whatever you need, it’s yours.”

Natasha watched Marias expression lighten, adoration clear in her face.  “I’ve really missed you, Nat.” Maria admitted. “How do you always know how to make me feel better?”

“Cause I know you.” She said with a smile. Maria leaned up for a kiss, it was soft and lovely and perfect. Natasha let her set the pace, and was pleasantly surprised when she deepened it. After making out for a few minutes, they parted for breath, foreheads resting against one another. “I missed you too, ‘Ria”

Natasha placed a quick kiss to the tip of Marias nose, “Let’s get some sleep. I’ll make you omelettes in the morning.”

They fell asleep, legs tangled and arms around one another.

 


	7. I'm ready.

Light filtered in through the closed curtains, giving an ethereal atmosphere to the large apartment. This was always Natashas favorite time of day, the moments between sleep and the real world awaiting. Feeling the other body flush against her, Natasha nuzzled her head further into the neck she was tucked into. No matter what position they fell asleep in, Natasha always woke up to being the little spoon with Maria. Lying in the safety of Marias embrace, her mind travelled back to the first time she had stayed the night.

They had been hooking up for months. It was release, quick and easy and familiar and _amazing_ but no more than that. Natasha wouldn’t let it go farther than that, before this arrangement with Maria, Natasha hadn't been one for repeat performances. It was after particularly gruelling mission, they lost several good agents because of seriously _bad_ intel. It wasn't the first mission that had some hiccups, but Nat couldn’t help but feel responsible. They were to headed to the docks, they had intel a deal was going down, alien tech capable of mass destruction was being sold to the highest bidder. Natasha went in first solo, she had taken down several lackeys milling around aimlessly before giving the all clear for the team to proceed. Natasha continued to clear the perimeter of any stragglers Barton couldn’t reach from his location, while the team of agents went in to secure the object.

It was a trap, the entire warehouse was rigged to blow and no one who went in, came back out. The force of the explosion blew Natasha into the water, her location at the time probably saving her life. Natasha comms went down as soon as she hit the water. Pulling herself out, she tried to check the warehouse for survivors but there was no way inside, the roof had collapsed, the windows blown out and fire raged at every entrance. Finally admitting defeat, choking down the guilt at sending the team to their death, she went to the rendez-vous. She was the last to arrive, Barton had already informed them she was fine – he had seen her climb out of the water before taking off himself. The longer they lingered the more chance of running into local authorities.

Maria had been running point back at the Triskelion and was trying desperately to remain professional. At the debrief, Natasha could feel her eyes on her the entire time. That night, they went back to Marias and drank copious amounts of alcohol and lost themselves in each other. From then on, they fell into a comfortable setting. It was the closest Natasha had ever come to a real relationship, and Maria was savvy enough to leave it undefined. She was happy, for the first time.

"I know you're awake" murmured Maria. Natasha groaned and pressed herself against Maria more.

"No I'm not, go back to sleep" Natasha says, not wanting to break the reverie. Maria chuckled, and the sound inflated a bubble of happiness in Natasha chest.

"I believe you mentioned something about omelettes? You backing out, Romanoff?" teased Maria.

In an effort to prolong the cuddling, she shifted her head and pressed a kiss to Marias neck, the point she knows will render her silent, every time. Maria sighed and tilted her head to give Natasha room. She brought her hand to the back of Natashas head. Natasha smiled and continued to lavish attention to the sensitive spot. It was sweet but Natasha deliberately held back the passion. She hadn't forgotten Marias admission last night, however she was determined not to walk on eggshells around her. Maria loathes to be perceived as weak and Natasha understands this more than anyone. She began to pepper kisses along Marias jaw before finally pulling back. She studiously ignored the throb between her legs.

Lifting her head to look at her, she noticed the bruising had eased further and she seemed in a better mood, more rested.

"Challenge accepted, _Hill_ " Natasha says with a smile, "What kind of omelette would you like?"

"Mushroom and cheese, obviously"

"Sounds good. I'll need to go to the store, there's like nothing here." Natasha pulls herself away reluctantly, sitting up on the side of the bed. "You want to come or wait here?" She saw the look of apprehension flit across Marias face before her face rearranged to neutral.

"I'll wait here, clean up a bit." Natasha nodded, pretending she didn’t see it.

"No worries, write a list of stuff you want while I change." She headed toward the duffel that was dumped near the door, stripping as she went. Pulling out fresh clothes, she glanced back at Maria to find her staring, pupils blown.

"List?" Natasha smirked, Maria dropped her head and pulled the notepad from her bedside table. Finally dressed, she pulls on her sneakers before going to get the list from Maria. The list is pretty scarce. Currently it has: Eggs, cheese, mushrooms and wine. She looks at Maria who just shrugs.

"Okay then." She quickly checks her appearance before heading out the door.

\--

Natasha huffed as she walked back along the street. She should have taken Marias car. Getting way more than she had planned, she had to awkwardly walk along the street struggling with several bags full of food. Natasha was strong but with every step a bag whacked against her legs which was _annoying_ , to say the least.

Finally making it back to the apartment, she noticed the door and floor were still covered in blood. She had completely forgotten.

"Maria, its me!" Natasha shouting through the door. She didn’t want to startle her by just knocking.

After a few seconds, Maria opened the door with a frown on her face. Stepping forward to quickly dump the bags in the kitchen, she turned around to see Maria staring at the blood stains. She had obviously forgotten too.

"Hey, close the door. I'll clean it later" Natasha said softly. Closing the door, Maria padded back to the couch where her laptop was lying open. The frown on her face deepened as she went back to doing whatever she was doing before Natasha got back.

"You ok?" Natasha asked while putting away the groceries.

"Fury's locked me out." She said through gritted teeth. Natasha stopped what she was doing and went to sit down beside her. Wordlessly taking the laptop from her, she typed in her log in and went back to the kitchen.

"Thank you."

"No problem, anything I can see you deserve to see. More so. He's probably just trying to help but he doesn’t know everything, y'know?" Natasha said, trying to keep the tone light. She wasn’t sure what it was Maria wanted to look up but keeping her in the dark was a mistake.

With everything away, she got to work making the omelettes. Natasha was a surprisingly good cook. She had to play the part of so many different people, she had many useless skills. This one came in very handy. Finishing up, she poured two glasses of OJ and plated up breakfast before heading over to the couch.

"Put the laptop down, eat. I'll tell you everything you want to know after ok?" Bargained Natasha as Maria made no move to put it down. Reluctantly, she did and began to tuck in.

"Mmph" groaned Maria at the first bite."How do you _do_ that, every time I try it tastes like garbage"

Natasha just gave her a smug smile and ate her own. It had always amused Natasha what a terrible cook Maria was. Stopping for a drink, she picked up the remote to flick on the TV. Natasha hated being in a house without background noise. Growing up in an environment where speaking unless spoken to was forbidden, she had grown to hate the silence.

They ate in comfortable quiet, Natasha watching the TV while Maria went back to looking at the laptop, reading up on missions that had taken place while she was gone.

"I didn’t know what happened until 3 days ago." Natasha said unexpectedly, "the Moscow mission ran for 2 weeks." Maria had just taken the last bite of her omelette, she looked at her and chewed slowly waiting for her to continue.

"I think Moscow is related. I'm not sure how yet but.. There's too many coincidences. Are you sure you're ready to talk about this? It won’t be easy." Maria took her time answering.

"I need to know, Nat. I can't be oblivious forever" Natasha wasn't convinced.

"It's been two days, no one is going to judge you for taking some time."

"No. I'm ready." Natasha stared hard, looking for any signs she couldn’t handle it. Eventually she nodded and continued.

"Did you look at the Moscow report?" Maria shook her head, so Natasha brought up the file on the laptop so Maria could read it. "It was supposed to be recon, but we basically found a front for a human experimentation lab. We discovered three warehouses full of women, they're fine now, but the ones we didn’t get to in time... The facility had already killed countless women."

"Jesus...”

“Yeah it was pretty shocking, and trust me I've seen.. I've seen a lot of shit and that was _brutal_. The pictures are attached to the file but I seriously recommend skipping them.” Natasha advised, no one needed to see corpses stacked, discarded like trash.

“I don't really see how it's connected though?” Maria said confused. Oh right, the pictures. Natasha took the laptop shielding, it from Maria's line of sight before scrolling through the attachments. She found the one she was looking for, the pictures of the guards around the warehouses. She put it back on the table and turned it toward her.

Natasha studied Maria's expression as she took in the image in front of her. It took a few seconds before she realised what she was looking at. Her face paled and she cleared her throat before,

“The uniforms.”

“Yep.”

“Who are they?” Maria asked, clenching her jaw.

“I don't know yet. But Barton is interrogating” Natasha shuffled forward, clicking on the a different picture “this asshole. His name is Antonin Blantov and he was the only one we could find a record for. He was driving the trucks delivering the women to the lab. Whatever he knows, Clint will get out of him. He's going to call tonight with details.”

Maria nodded. She hadn't taken her eyes off the photograph. She reached forward to move onto the next photograph but Natasha's hand snatched out to grab her arm.

“You don't have to do this now” Natasha began to protest.

“Come on, Nat.” She sighed “You know as well as I do I'll have to look. I'm the Deputy Director for christ sake, I might as well get it over with. If it is connected.. I might recognise some.”

Natasha knew she wasn't going to win this argument. This was Maria's decision and she had clearly already made it. Natasha let go of her hand. She decided to collect the plates and do the dishes instead, she certainly didn't need to see that shit again.

She heard a few taps on the laptop as she ran the water into the sink. Maria took her time with each photo, analysing every detail. Every few minutes, she heard another tap and dreaded the moment Natasha knew was coming. It had of course entered her mind that the experimentation these women had endured may have been what Maria was subjected to, the main difference being Maria had survived. She wasn't sure if Maria had made the connection yet but it was inevitable really.

Just as she was finishing up, she heard the sharp intake of breath as Maria clicked on the horrifying image. The people who did this were truly savage. To simply discard a human body once you were finished with it was… Abhorrent.

“Did you see this first hand? Were you there?” Maria asked quietly.

“No. It was the backup team that went in after we blew it. We had no idea what we would find, we should have found another way to take it down. They found some information but… We could have had more.”

“Has the stuff they found been uploaded on here yet? What they were working on?” Maria's voice was slightly strained. She was trying to hide it but Natasha picked up on it immediately. Leaving the plates to dry, she back over to the couch knowing Maria had also reached the same conclusion Natasha had.

Pulling he laptop toward her, she did a quick search. Only a few documents were there, she knew they had found more than that just from hearing people talk on the quinjet back.

“A couple of files, not the bulk of it. I'll ask Clint to badger them to be faster with it tonight.” Natasha replied, pushing it back to her. She watched as Maria read the files furiously. Yeah, she definitely reached the same conclusion.

Natasha’s gaze burned into her, she must have felt the intensity as she glanced at her. Maria sighed,

“I feel different Nat. Like… Physically. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel… different.” Her voice was tiny, like she was afraid to even say the words out loud. Like it might make it just too real.

Reaching out, she put a hand on Maria's thigh, “We’ll figure this out.” What else could she say? She had no answers and was feeling more useless by the minute.

“How Nat, seriously how. All these women _died_ for fuck sake!” Maria jumped to her feet and began pacing. Running her fingers through her hair, she asked possibly the most heartbreaking question she had heard yet, “ What if they did something to me?”

“If they did we’ll fix it. You and me. We _will_ find out who they are, what they did and what they want. I'm calling Clint now to put a speed on the Akella scavenge and we’ll sort out what they were working on, OK?” Picking up her phone she speed dialled Barton while Maria still paced. After a few rings, he answered

_“Nat? Everything ok?”_

“Hey, yeah, I just need a favour. Everything's fine”

“ _What's up?_ ”

“I need you to put a rush on uploading the info recovered from Akella. All their experimentation reports. Everything. And preferably without Fury knowing I asked.”

_“Uh sure thing. You're sure everything's ok over there?”_

“Yeah Clint. We’re all good. Call me after you rip Blantov a new asshole, yeah?”

_“Ha! You know it. Later dude”_

“Later”

“There, done. Clint’s on it. Soon we’ll know exactly what they did. It might be something completely different.” Maria looked at her and scoffed.”I know just now that seems… Unlikely… But we don't have all the facts yet.”

“Natasha I know you're trying to help but honestly right now I need you to _stop talking_.” Maria's breathing was so laboured, she was close to hyper ventilating. She sat down heavily on the couch and tried to regulate her breathing. Natasha stood still, not sure how to proceed.

Nat… I can't… I can't breathe” Maria stuttered. Natasha sat down beside her, grabbing her hand and pressing the palm flat against her chest.

“Breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out. Good, just like that.” They stayed like that for a few minutes, breathing in sync until Maria had caught her breath. Long after Maria had recovered, she finally pulled her hand away and dropped her head to her hands.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.. I'm sorry.” Her voice was thick and Natasha could tell she was crying.

“Hey it's ok. You don't have to be sorry.” She placed her hand on the back of Maria's neck, under the bulk of her hair, playing with the wispy hairs underneath. She eventually lifted her head from her hands, relaxing into Natasha's touch.

“To be honest, I expected that a bit sooner.” She said with a smile, “I know they sound like empty promises of finding answers, but I mean it when I say I won't give up until I know everything, and everyone responsible suffers.”

“They don't stand a chance” Maria gave a small strained smile in return.

“I'm going to go for a shower, ok? By the time out, I want you to have looked through the fridge and decided what you want from what I bought, I'll cook it for you tonight. I also want you to have made some sort of couch duvet fort thing, I demand comfort for my day of lounging. Aaaand, a beer.” Natasha finished with a winning smile.

“Yes, sir” Maria chuckled as she watched Natasha disappear into the bathroom.

Sitting on the toilet, Natasha let out a huge sigh. She _totally_ wasn't equipped for this.


	8. Running again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so rating change for you know, reasons which if you read will become apparent. 
> 
> It's probably awful so don't say you werent warned!

Having been in the bathroom for almost 30 minutes, she decided to finally step under the water. She wasn’t hiding, not entirely, she wanted to give Maria some time to collect herself as well as give herself time to relax. Natasha was made to cause pain, not comfort it. She had never been close to enough anyone to offer that kind of emotional support and now that she was, well, it was fucking terrifying. She was doing her best, but she felt painfully inadequate. 

Relishing the heat of the water, Natasha felt some of the tension ease from her muscles. Taking her time to wash every part of her toned body, brushing lightly over the wound on her arm. It was healing nicely, she didn’t feel much pain from it anymore but it would definitely leave a gnarly scar. Massaging shampoo into her hair, her thoughts drifted to the many occasions Maria would follow her in, managing to sneak up on her, one of the very few locations it was possible with sound of the water pounding around her.  

Closing her eyes and tilting her head back to rinse the shampoo from her hair, she recalled her favourite memory in this shower. She had stayed the night, and gotten up before Maria for her morning run. Jumping in the shower once she got back, Maria had still been in the bed. Then she heard the curtain being pulled back slightly before she felt Marias hands on her waist. The smile she had at the time was mirrored now as she recalled the precious moment. Marias hands had drifted up, one pulling her hair to one side to give her access to sensitive flesh of her neck while the other gently cupped her breast. Maria was one of the best lovers Natasha had _ever_ had, and due to the nature of her work that was quite the compliment. 

Concentrating, she focused back on the memory, bringing her hand lower, just the way Marias had. Bracing her hand against the wall of the shower, her hand moving in tight circles over her sensitive clit. She practically felt Marias body flush against her back, the way her hard nipples pressed into her back as she brought Natasha to ecstasy. Natasha shuddered as she pressed two fingers inside herself, slowly pulling out to go back in again. Feeling the involuntary clenching of her muscles, she knew she was close. Picturing Maria in her mind, she gave a final swipe over her clit with her thumb and came with a strangled cry, trying to stay quiet, as her strong walls clenched rhythmically around her fingers. 

Breathing hard through her come down, she switched off the water and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around herself. She quickly dried, not wanting to linger in the shower even longer, towel drying her hair before dressing again. By the time she came out the bathroom, a good hour had passed. Maria was still sitting with the laptop in her pyjamas, if it wasn’t for the duvet and blanket bundled beside her, Natasha wouldn’t have thought she had moved.  

She padded over to her, barefoot and jumped on the duvet, 

"Mighty fine fort you built here, Maria. Colour me impressed." Natasha remarked sarcastically. Maria finally looked at her, frown on her face, 

"I'm sorry, I got distracted. Clint came through, there's loads more files." She explained. "It's complicated. I don’t think we'll be able to make sense of it on our own. I was thinking of maybe sending some to Coulson. His team, they were some of the best from the academy. He would help." 

Natasha nodded. Bioengineering certainly wasn’t her forte, she knew her way around a computer but this was out of her range. "Sounds like a plan. I've seen some of the tech his team came up with, definitely an impressive bunch." 

Maria stood, heading to the kitchen, Natasha watching as she went. She opened the fridge door, studying its inhabitants. After a few minutes deliberation, moving stuff out the way to reach into the back, she looks over at Natasha and states, 

"Spaghetti bolognese. Definitely." Natasha smiles, getting up from her comfortable position on the couch. She comes up behind Maria, her hands circling around her waist. She rests her head on Marias shoulder, which she can only do by standing on her tip toes.  

"Spaghetti it is. I'm choosing ice cream for desert though. Deal?" 

"Deal." Maria turns around in the embrace bending down to meet Natasha lips in a light kiss before straightening up again. Marias smile sends butterflies to Natashas stomach, whatever desire she had quenched in the shower came back full force and she practically launches herself at Maria, pushing her back into the open fridge.  

"Mmph" Maria grunts in surprise before returning the kiss vigorously. Natashas hands began to roam, lost in the heat of the moment, she started to push up Marias tank top. Just as her hands reached the swell of Marias breast, Maria broke the kiss, turning her head to the side. 

"Wait... I can't" she was breathing heavily. Natasha stepped back several paces until her back hit the kitchen island.  

"No, of course. I'm sorry. I... I shouldn’t have." Disgust flooded Natashas entire system. Her favourite human on the planet insinuates not 24 hours ago she thinks she may have been raped and she does this?  

Natasha turned and headed toward to door, she couldn’t stay here. She felt like she was going to vomit. Grabbing her shoes before leaving, she chokes out "I'm so sorry Maria." 

\-- 

Natasha climbed every single step of the 25-storey apartment building. She had ran for almost an hour without stopping. She had gotten a few strange looks, she wasn’t exactly dressed for a run but she needed to. Running was one of the few things that stopped her from thinking. That and a spliff, but that wasn’t exactly accessible at the moment. So she ran, and ran until she found herself back at the apartment.  

She shouldn’t have left so abruptly. She couldn’t help it. Now she had to go back and make sure Maria was ok. In her haze of desire, disgust and shame -  she just ran. She slowly walks along the corridor to the door. _Jesus_ _christ_ _, remember to clean the fucking door you asshole._   

"Maria... It's me." She said just loud enough for her to hear. A couple of seconds later the door clicked open. Maria stood in the doorway, staring at Natasha with a raised eyebrow. 

"I half expected you not to come back." She was pissed. Natasha felt like a child being reprimanded.  

"I'm sorry." 

"Jesus, Nat stop saying that! You have nothing to be sorry for! Not for the first time you left and not for this time. You said you knew me?" Natasha nodded, not trusting her voice. "Well I know you too." 

Maria stepped aside, giving Natasha space to walk in. Closing the door, Maria went to the fridge and got out the bottle of wine and poured two glasses before sitting on the stool at the island. She slid one toward Natasha. 

"I get that this is hard for you.  We haven't seen each other for months and suddenly we’re together and there's feelings and it's confusing. So fucking _confusing."_  

Natasha still hasn’t said a word. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Maria yet. 

"it's hard to find the words to explain just how grateful I am that you're here. I.. If I was alone.. You make things easier. You always have." Natasha could tell Maria was struggling, she reached forward to hold her hand before faltering and resting it on the counter. Maria closed the distance and grabbed her hand. "I told you I loved you. And you left in the middle of the night." 

Natasha blinked furiously, refusing to allow tears to fall. 

"I understand Nat." Natashas head jerked up to meet Marias eyes, confusion swimming in her own. "I won't pretend it didn't hurt, but I do understand. You weren't ready. I knew what commitment meant to you and I was happy as we were. It just came out and you freaked. You held it together at the time, but I could see it in your eyes" Maria smiled, a slight chuckle escaping. "Pure unadulterated panic." 

"I don’t feel that way now. I thought you were _dead_ Maria. For 24 hours, I thought you were gone. It changed everything. I thought I had lost you" Maria squeezed her hand "That night in the infirmary, I waited for hours to sneak into your room, just to see with my own eyes that you were alive. I thought for sure when you saw me you would kick me out straightaway." 

"I was surprised, I'll admit." Maria took a sip of her wine, "but knowing you were there made me feel safe. And that was exactly what I needed. You give me the strength to get up in the morning Nat. It sounds lame and cheesy but you do." 

Natasha smiled, some of the shame with herself beginning to dissipate. "You wanna hear cheesy? I gave myself a new mission, the directive was to help you find your new normal." 

Maria gave a bright smile, full of perfect teeth. "That is incredibly sweet. Thank you. Geez, the infamous Black Widow is a huge sap, who knew" 

"You did." Natasha quips, taking a sip of her own wine. 

"Yeah, I kinda did" Her smile still lingering. "You don’t have to feel bad about what I'm dubbing 'fridge-gate'. It really is ok. We just need to figure out where we're at. I'm ok, you don’t have to run everytime we hit a hurdle."  

Natasha won't look at Maria again, the lingering shame colouring her cheeks. Maria reaches forward to lift her chin. Natashas eyes flick up to meet hers. 

"You did nothing wrong. Do you understand? You make me feel human again. Nothing about this is easy, but we'll figure it out. Well, I mean I'm willing to figure it out, if you are? I understand if you don't wa-" Maria had begun to ramble before Natasha interrupted with, 

"Stop. Of course I do. I don’t ever want to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured into anything. What I did... I left because I was _disgusted_ with myself. After everything you've been through, I just.. I didn’t think. I know you want me to stop saying sorry but I need you to know I didn’t mean to hurt you" 

"You didn’t Nat, I'm just not ready for anything more yet.  I trust you." 

Natasha was impressed at how well Maria had navigated this difficult conversation. She kept everything light and managed to console Natashas raging guilt and shame and eased it. She stood up, pulling Maria to her feet, before pulling her into a hug. Maria returned it, wrapping her arms around Natashas smaller frame. Finally parting, from this position she noticed the living area had been transformed. Looking back at Maria, she raised an eyebrow. 

"You were gone a long time, so I figured I'd keep myself busy." Maria explained, a smile on her face.  

"You built me a fort." Natasha said, grinning. 

"No shit captain obvious, go have a look." 

Natasha went over to the impressive looking fort. She had incorporated various pieces of furniture to give it height and length. Long enough to include the TV which Natasha was thrilled about. She dropped to all fours and climbed inside while Maria sat back on the stool drinking her wine and watching with a soft smile on her face. Getting everything out in the open had clearly lifted her mood. 

Inside the fort, Natasha could see the true architecture of the fort. Several sheets had been used as the roof and walls, they were held up buy two bookcases, the coffee table on its end standing up, a coat rack and a couple of boxes stacked on top of each other. Maria seriously went all out. The floor was the duvet, and the pillows were rested against the back of the couch. The light from the TV illuminated the small area and Natasha _loved_ it. She sat down, cross legged admiring the space. She heard Maria wander around the kitchen, pulling things out of the fridge, so she crawled out to see what she was doing.  

She was gathering the ingredients for the bolognese, so Natasha went over to help. They worked around each other, Maria was designated to chopping the vegetables and sitting drinking wine while Natasha did the bulk. It was a good system, they were guaranteed good food. Maria enjoyed watching Natasha work, she was graceful and elegant at everything she did and cooking was no different.  

"Get the plates? It's almost ready." Natasha asked as she put the spaghetti into the pot. Thinking ahead, she got the second bottle of wine and put it in the fort. A few minutes later, they both had quite a large helping of spaghetti bolognese and were sitting in the fort cross legged watching The Great British Bake Off. Natasha had a silly grin on her face that just wouldn’t go away and Maria looked as happy as Natasha felt.  

"Do you think I could just pretend to be British and enter this competition? I would totally win." Natasha asks, a serious expression on her face.  

"You could pretend to be a _koala bear_ and be convincing. I reckon you could get away with being British." Maria jokes. 

"You're right. I'm going to look up the application form tomorrow."

Maria snorts and continues to eat her _incredible_ dinner. Christ Natasha was a good cook.  

"I mean seriously, they call that a croissant? Amateurs." Natasha exclaims. "I'm genuinely surprised they aren't just asked to leave right now. Why have a vote, throw in the towel dude." 

Maria just laughs beside her. She likes these shows but she really only watches them because of how much Natasha loves them. They spend the rest of their evening cuddling inside the fort, drinking the rest of their wine and criticizing terrible cooks on TV. For how the day started out, it ended pretty damn good. 


	9. Escape

Slowly opening her eyes, Natasha sat up and took in her surroundings, not immediately recognising the vast expanse of the loft apartment. It took a few seconds for her to remember they had fallen asleep in the fort after neither of them could be bothered making the bed after several glasses of wine each. They had just about mustered the energy to put the dishes in the sink.  

She sat up, glancing at her phone she read _3:_ _48_. Wondering what woke her up so early, she dragged a hand down her face feeling groggy from the wine. The TV was still on, illuminating the small area, though it was muted so Natasha ruled that out as the cause of her untimely awakening. She looked back at Maria to find her dripping in sweat, face pulled into a frown and breathing very quickly. She was quite obviously having a nightmare.  

Natasha turned and kneeled infront of her, deliberating on whether to wake her or leave her. Deciding it was best to wake her, she reached forward to touch Maria's shoulder. Just as skin was about to meet skin, Maria gasped, sucking in a deep breath as a visible pulse emanated from her body, expelling in every direction. As quickly as it happened, the TV cut off and Maria snapped up in an upright position desperately pulling in breath. 

Natasha froze. Her eyes quickly readjusted to the sudden darkness. Maria was looking at her, eyes wide, chest heaving and hair sticking to her face. Natasha felt her heart pounding. This was bad. So, so, _so fucking bad._  

 _“_ Stay here.” Natasha orders. She scurries from the fort not waiting for a response from Maria. She sprints to the huge glass doors, pulling them open before stepping onto the balcony. Looking out, her heart sank. For at least two blocks, there was darkness. She ran back inside and went straight for her duffel pulling out her pistol.  

She strode over the to fort, quickly pulling the sheets down and throwing them on the bed, she saw Maria was still sat in the same position. They didn't have time for this, 

“Maria, get into bed. Now.” The only indication she heard the order, was to slowly turn her head and blink up at her. She bent and collected the pillows, before barking “Now Maria! The surveillance team will be up here in less than a minute and if they suspect something is wrong, I can't protect you. Now please! Bed!” 

Maria clambered to her feet, stumbling toward the bed. She sat on the edge, confusion and fear etched across her face. Not 2 seconds later there was a loud knock on the door, 

“Agent Romanoff! Please open the door!” 

Double checking Maria was on the bed, she launched the pillows at her and walked towards the door. Before opening the door, she shouted 

“Authorisation code?” 

“Authorisation Alpha Gamma 0-3-0” 

She pulled open the door, facing three agents with flashlights shining at her face, 

"What happened?" Natasha asked, trying to figure what they already knew. If they knew the source of the blackout originated here, they were fucked. 

"Not clear yet, Sir. Initial speculation is localised EMP. Director Fury gave orders to make sure Deputy Director Hill and yourself were safe.” 

At the last statement she raised her eyebrow, as if these guys could keep them any safer than she could herself, “Any sign of attackers? Is this outage similar to the camera blackout when she was taken?” 

“We don't know. That's why we are here, in case it is. It may be unrelated, but Fury wanted us here. We need eyes on Hill, Sir. It’s our orders.”  

Natasha stepped back, giving the agent space to come in the apartment. He shined his flashlight around the apartment, finally finding Maria sitting on the bed. She gave a little wave, before the agent about turned and stepped back outside the apartment.  

“We will stay in the corridor, until Fury gives the order we can leave. Surveillance Team 2 has split and half will cover our position downstairs. Sorry to wake you, Sir.” 

"No need to apologise, agent. Report to me when you leave.” 

“Yes, sir” 

Natasha closed the door, suppressing the sigh of relief threatening to escape. Heading into the kitchen, she grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge.  

“Natasha, what –“ she was cut off by the TV flicking back on, the blaring sound assaulting the quiet. Finding the remote, she turns it down a little, leaving the volume up louder than necessary but not loud enough that it was obvious she was trying mask their voices. 

She climbed onto the bed, sitting cross-legged and Maria mimicked her, their knees touching. They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, 

“What happened?” Maria's voice was quiet, Natasha could barely hear her over the TV. 

“You were having a nightmare.” Natasha started, but struggled to find the words. 

“I remember. I was at a meeting on the helicarrier, everyone was looking at me and I was trying to give a talk when they turned into the guards.” Maria felt Natasha's hands on hers, pulling her finger nails out of her palms where she had left small half moon indentations. “They were bleeding from their eyes, then their mouths. There was so much blood, I tried to get out but I couldn't. I was drowning. Then I woke up. I felt… I don't know what I felt” 

“Something happened. It was like.. A pulse. It came from you just as I was about to wake you.” Natasha tried to explain what she had witnessed. “Have you.. Experienced anything like that before?” 

Maria took her time before uttering a _very_ quiet “Yes”. Natasha stayed quiet, waiting for her to elaborate. 

“It’s… It's how I got out. Sort of.”  

“Tell me, if you can. The more I know, the more I can help.” 

“I told you that I didn't remember. That's not, strictly true. I remember some parts. I remember the guards had a rotation. Two guards were assigned to me. One was ok, the other… wasn't.” 

Natasha clenched her jaw and prepared to listen. She began to run her thumb back and forth the back of Maria's hand in an attempt of comfort. 

“I don’t remember the interrogations, but after, after they would bring me food and water. They needed me alive, so I had the basics. The kid would give me all the water I wanted, and he gave me half his sandwich, every time. He undid one of the cuffs so I could sit up and eat it myself. I got the feeling he didn't want to be there, like he was forced or something. I don't know, maybe I'm just trying to humanise him but.. He was nice to me.” 

Maria's hands began to shake. Her voice was level, void of emotion. Her sentences were static and abrupt.  

"The other guard... He wanted to be there.” Maria gave a small shudder, “He wanted to see me in pain, he wanted to _cause_ me pain and humiliation. I _hate_ him, Natasha. He took my clothes.” Maria sneered the last part, utter disgust in her voice. Natasha had to control her breathing, holding onto Maria's hands the only thing preventing her own from clenching into fists.  

“When they moved onto the ‘ _treatments_ _’_ _,_ I would wake up and vomit, every time, when it was _him,_ he would just laugh and leave it there. The smell was… horrific. I wanted to die, I was so ashamed. He used to say what a waste it was, he wasn't allowed to play with ‘the new toy’, but after the time I woke up in the lab, and heard them saying they needed more samples, I guess the rules were lifted.” Maria's brow furrowed as she recalled the experience. 

“You don't have to tell me this part, if you don't want to. I understand” Natasha finally found her voice, giving Maria's hands a small squeeze. 

“No I… I think I should tell you.” Maria's eyes flitted up Natasha's, unable to stay longer than a second. “I trust you and… It happened… I can't pretend it didn't. I can't let it, _him,_ control me” 

Natasha nodded, lifting Maria's hands up to her mouth to place a small kiss on her knuckles. “You can tell me anything.” Maria took a deep breath and continued, 

“When I woke up, I remembered what they said. You can't take brain samples from a living host and I… I knew they were going to kill me. He was there, he knew they were going to kill me too. So he did what he wanted to since I got there. I couldn't… There was nothing I could do, the handcuffs… I just closed me eyes and tried to think of somewhere else. His hands were… Everywhere. It probably didn't last long, but it felt like hours.” 

Natasha blinked hard, trying to will the tears in her eyes away. She hoped Maria didn't see it. Instead she envisioned ripping the guards cock off and feeding it to him to calm down. The thoughts of violence clouded her mind instead of imagining Maria's ordeal. She couldn't deal with that. Violence was better.  

“The kid came back after, he knew what happened. He brought food and lots of water. I asked him to take me to the bathroom, I could see the guilt in his eyes. He agreed. I knew I only had one chance, and if I fucked it up, I was dead. When he turned around to give me privacy, I punched the mirror, by the time he turned around the shard was in his neck. The blood, Natasha, it was _everywhere._ There was no one around, so I took his clothes, his weapons and his walkie. I didn't know my way around, I was terrified someone would see me but it was quiet. I realised later it's cause it was the middle of the night.” 

Images of the photo taken by the cab flooded Natasha's mind, she pictured her creeping around this facility in the dead of night, a fucking warrior. She looked at the woman in front of her in reverence.  

“I only saw 3 other people. The first one, he didn't see me, he went down. The second, he saw me. I saw the fear as I pulled the trigger. I've killed people before but… I'd never enjoyed it. Not like this. The last one, he did this” one of her hands leaving Natasha's, she gestured vaguely to the bruises on her face, “he caught me by surprise, hit me hard and I went down. Before I knew it he was on top of me, throttling me. I thought this was it, he was going to kill me and I was going to be dissected and that was that. All I thought was at least I don't have to go back to that cell. But then… He started to shake. His hands loosened around my neck but it was like he couldn't take them away, he went red. Too red, and then there was smoke. I thought at first there must be a fire, but then… It was coming from him, Nat. The smell.. It was… He was…  _cooking._ Because he was _touching_ me. What did they do to me, Nat” Maria finished her story, looking at her hands. She began to pull her hands away, realising what she just said. She couldn't put Natasha in danger. 

Natasha gripped her hands tighter, and when Maria looked up, about to explain, Natasha shook her head, 

“I don't know, I don't know what they did, but we have _heaps_ of their research. Coulson’s team will figure it out. One of his team is enhanced, aren't they? They must know about this stuff. “ Natasha started, she was just given so much information she wasn't sure _where_ to start. “Did you tell Fury where this place was?” 

Maria shook her head, “I was so out of it, I don't remember. It wasn't far from where I got the cab, I told him that much. I don't know if they found it, nothing's been put online.” 

Natasha nodded, “And the guard.. He's still alive?” She didn't need to specify which guard. 

Maria nodded, her throat tight. 

“Good.” Natasha uttered with a clenched jaw. “I'd like to meet him.” 

Maria gave her a small smile. Natasha was always on her side.  

“I have to ask… Were you.. Checked? You know, for STI’s and stuff?” It was a difficult question but Maria's health was always Natasha's number one priority.  

Maria wouldn't meet Natasha's gaze, “I… No. I couldn't tell them. I was.. I was too embarrassed to admit it.” 

“That's ok, I can make you an appointment. A private doctor, no one at SHIELD has to know, but I need you to be safe.” Natasha's voice was soft, reassuring. 

“I.. Ok. Thank you.” Maria looked apprehensive but she understood it was necessary. “Can we.. Can we wait a little while? I'm not.. I'm not ready yet.” 

"The sooner the better with these kinds of things but.. We could wait until next week maybe?" Maria nodded at the timescale. 

“You have nothing to be ashamed of Maria, or embarrassed about. These people are _scum,_ and they will suffer, I promise you. _Suffer_ ” she emphasised. 

Maria nodded, but her expression told Natasha she didn't believe her. It would take time but she would convince her. She was a strong, incredible woman, who did what she had to to survive.  

There was a loud knock at the door making them both jump. Natasha got up and peeked through the hole, seeing the agents. Opening the door, she waited for the team to speak, 

“We have been cleared to return to our posts. Director Fury seems confident this isn't another attempt on Deputy Director Hill.” Natasha nodded in agreement. “He has asked me to inform you, he would like a report at 0800 hours.” Natasha kept her face neutral, but she was worried. He knew something, she knew it.  

“Ok Agent, thank you.” The agent nodded before turning and heading back down the corridor. 

Natasha closed the door, resting back on it, letting her head tip back. 

Her mind was reeling. They would come for her. She knew for sure they would. Dozens of women experimented on, all dead. One alive. She looked over at Maria sitting on the bed. She looked so small and vulnerable. Before she knew it her feet were carrying her over to her, climbing on the bed. She lay down, rearranged the covers and indicated for Maria to lie down with her.  

Maria lay down, her head resting on Natasha's chest as Nat’s arm curled around her in a safe embrace. She could feel Maria shaking in silent sobs and her heart broke. Natasha kissed her head, whispering close, 

“No one will ever hurt you again, I promise. And the ones who have, I'll kill them _all_.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it, please leave a comment.
> 
> It makes me happy and want to write more for you guys :)


	10. Hope

Maria had finally fallen asleep. It had taken almost an hour, but eventually her breathing evened out. Sleep was the last thing from Natasha's mind. The adrenaline from the panic meant that was it, she was awake. Her mind was in overdrive. Very slowly, she began to edge away from Maria, praying she didn’t wake her back up. She just couldn’t lie here anymore.  

Finally detaching from a still sleeping Maria, she began to pace in the living area. There wasn’t much she could do right now with the investigation. She hadn't heard back from Clint yet and it was too early to call him. Checking the time, it was only 5:30am. She stood for a minute, deciding what to do. 

Sending a quick text to Clint, _'Call me ASAP'_ , she pulled out all the cleaning products and began cleaning every surface she could find, the dishes were sparkling and put back in the cupboards. She moved all the furniture from the fort back to its rightful place. She _finally_ filled a basin of scalding hot water and sat down at the front door, prepared to scrub every last speck of blood from existence. It took longer than she expected, blood was not an easy stain to remove. The door would probably need another coat of paint. Scrubbing the dried blood from the carpeted corridor first, she got most of it out. The remainder she scrubbed until her arm _burned_ with exertion. It did the job though, the focus on cleaning cleared her mind and the resulting stain free area made her feel accomplished. A welcome change from the _overwhelming_ inadequacy for the last several days. 

Her phone began to buzz in her pocket, ' _Clint_ _'_ , she quickly answered it and with a glance at Maria to make sure she was still asleep, she stepped out into the corridor, making sure the door was unlocked before closing it over. 

"You didn’t call yesterday." Natasha started, foregoing a greeting. She began to pace in front of the door. 

 _"Yeah, it ran a bit longer_ _than I thought,_ _then_ _Fury wanted immediate debrief."_  

 _"_ So what did he say? We know the name of his group? Where to find them?" 

" _Uhh, before I tell you, something happened Nat. We have a_ major _problem."_  

 _"_ Spit it out, Clint" She wasn't in the mood to play guessing games 

" _We have a mole. About an hour or so after the interrogation, the cameras to his cell went out. When they came back on,_ _he'd slit his wrists. Blantov's dead."_  

Natasha stopped pacing and stood facing the door. A mole. She needed to get back to the helicarrier immediately. She would need to convince Fury to bring her back in on the investigation, her arm had healed so he didn’t have that ammo anymore. He knew she was close to this now, it would take some convincing but.. She could always get Clint to come get her. But Maria.. Natasha couldn't decide which would be safer for her. On the ground she was at risk – Hydra, and Natasha was convinced it was Hydra who had done the experimenting, would try to come for her eventually. She _wasn't_ safe here. But on the helicarrier, it was everyone else who wasn't safe. If Maria had another nightmare, she could bring it down.  

" _'Tasha, helloooo_ _, did you hear me?_ _"_  

"Yeah, I'm here, sorry. What did you say?" 

" _I said Nick is furious. He's demanding individual interviews with everyone on board."_  

 _"_ Are you joking, it took months the last time! How will that help us find them before they come for her. There's thousands of people on that ship" 

" _I know, I know. Wait, what do you mean? They’re coming for her again? Did you find something out?"_  

"It doesn’t matter just now, tell me what Blantov told you" 

" _Natasha..."_  

 _"_ Clint. Tell me" 

" _Fine, fine. He told me everything. Well, everything he knew. We kinda lucked out nabbing him, fucking idiot dude."_  

 _"_ Clint! Jesus christ, tell me what he said, please!" 

" _Sorry, ok so he works for a R_ _ussian_ _mercenary company. 'Moran Security Group', they hire out their guys, usually to countries_ _afflicted by war, but they started branching out. Hydra_ _contacted_ _them several months ago. He was higher up_ _tha_ _n_ _we thought, he knew mission specifics. Hydra needed women for an experiment – he didn’t know why women, I asked. Their experiments were failing. They'd asked him to find another component. One they were sure would make their experiments work."_  

 _"_ What was it?" Whatever it was, Natasha knew they found it. The evidence was 10 ft from her. 

" _Debris from New York. Alien tech, they were messing with some fucked up shit Nat."_  

 _"_ Did he know anything about Maria?" 

" _No, I reckon that was a different sector. He only knew about his mission._ _Seems_ _they rely heavily on_ _compartmentalis_ _ation_ _. I've been assigned to the mission team for recon once research has done their part."_  

 _"_ Good work, Clint. I should go, I have to figure how I'm gonna get Fury to let me back on the ship to find this mole." 

 _"Nat.. Are you ok?"_ Natasha thought her voice was pretty steady, that she was holding back the rage pretty effectively but evidently not. 

"I.. I'll be fine. Maria..It's hard." 

" _Is she ok Nat? Everyone is talking about her leaving medical early."_  

 _"_ That ship is full of gossips, honestly. She will be, when we find them. Moran are the way in. If they are a legit mercenary company, they might have contracts or names in their facilities. Where are they based?" 

" _Moscow. I'll get the minions to put everything on the database so you can both look over it. It's being kept quiet about the camera being cut out. No point_ _inciting_ _panic on a closed vessel. People just think he stole a pen or something after the interrogation."_  

 _"_ So you're cool with everyone thinking you're incompetent instead of them being on alert for a threat?" 

" _I am secure in my competence, thank you very much. It's Fury's orders, whether I'_ _m cool with it or not."_  

 _"_ Fair enough. Look I'm gonna go, I have to call Fury soon and I have to figure out some spectacular story as to how I'm getting on this recon team." 

" _Good luck Nat, tell Maria she's sorely missed and I hope she feels better."_  

 _"_ Thanks Clint, say hey to Laura for me." 

Hanging up the phone, she creeped back into the apartment. The sun was beginning to rise, bathing the room in a soft orange glow. Maria was still asleep, and she went over to the bed, practically hearing it calling to her. She had an hour before Fury was expecting a call, and the lack of sleep was catching up on her. A quick nap before her alarm went off sounded magical.  

Crawling into her side of the bed, she stretched out her muscles and turned on her side. She studied Maria's face, the beautiful soul sleeping peacefully in front of her didn't deserve the horrors that had befallen her. Natasha wished she could take it from her. She had caused enough pain and suffering to countless people in this world, that it would be the least she deserved.  How could Maria love her? Maria knew who she was, what she was, what she had _done._ And she loved her anyway.  

Maria had begun to frown in her sleep, so Natasha scooted forward closer, bringing her finger up to Maria's forehead, the tip of her finger smoothing the bunched up skin. She allowed her finger to rise up to her hairline, and trail down the edges, over the shell of her ear to find her jaw below. Seeing the frown disappear, and the ghost a smile on her face, she let her hand fall and brought it under her head. Closing her eyes, sleep clouding her mind, she thought, 

"I love you too, 'Ria" before sleep consumed her completely. She missed the way Maria's smile widened just a little, before she threw and arm over Natasha's waist, holding them together. 

 

\-- 

 

Natasha woke up to soft lips pressing against the nape of her neck. She felt Maria's nose nestle into her hair, before the soft whisper of, 

"Your phone has been vibrating for the last five minutes, I figured I should wake you up" 

Natasha groaned, her alarm was set for 7:50, she needed to shake the sleep so she could talk to Fury. She rolled over to face Maria. She was smiling at her,  

"What?" Natasha asked, slightly self conscious her hair was sticking up or something. 

"Nothin'. You." Maria replied, still smiling. 

"Not that I'm complaining, but what's got you so cheery. It's too early for cheeriness." Natasha didn’t exactly want to bring up last night, but seeing Maria with a grin on her face was exactly the last thing she expected to see this morning. 

Maria took a minute to answer, "I just like waking up with you. That's all."  

Natasha smiled back at her, 

"Sap." 

"Say's you." Maria said through a chuckle 

"Er, you're way sappier than me." Natasha teased, knowing they were probably as sappy as each other.  

Maria just shrugged, no doubt thinking the same as Nat. 

"You have to call Fury? About last night? What are you gonna say?" Maria asked, her smiling vanishing but her good mood remained. 

Natasha shrugged, "I'm not sure. Honestly I think he knows more than he's letting on. Guy's a better liar than I am and that's saying something.  He's going to ask me if I know anything about the EMP, I'm going to say no, he's going to know I'm lying, I'm going to know he knows I'm lying. It's a practised routine with us. He trusts me though, it'll be fine." 

Maria's brows furrowed in concern, "Maybe we should tell him. What if he can help?" She sounded hopeful, and Natasha hated to burst that hope but false hope was worse. 

"I.. I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think he knows you were part of their experiment. Before you told me I thought so too, the needle marks.. It was either torture or experimenting, and I'm sure Nick came to that conclusion too." Natasha tried to explain her reasoning, "He let you leave the helicarrier. That's... unprecedented. If it were _any_ other agent, they would be confined to the infirmary and under observation but.. He just let you leave. He wanted me to observe you, to note anything, and these are his words, 'o _ut of the ordinary',_ and report back to him." Natasha finished. She glanced at Maria, worried of her reaction.  

"I figured he would have asked you something like that, relax, I'm not gonna order you out or anything" Maria said light heartedly. "But if he suspects.. I'm still not seeing why we shouldn’t tell him?" 

"Well, either you would be taken to the Triskelion for observation and tests, which I don’t think would be at all helpful. Physically you are healing fine, by the way remind me to change your bandages later, and mentally, I think testing would be detrimental to your progress. Or he would want us back on the helicarrier, which if you emit an EMP when you have a nightmare..." 

"Down we go." Finished Maria. 

Natasha nodded, "I think we should do what you suggested and speak with Coulson, he's probably our best chance at understanding it." 

"I'll call him later today, explain what I can. I'm going to go for a shower, you call Fury. It's already 8:05." 

"Yes, ma'am." Teased Natasha. 

"Shut up" Maria said as she pressed a chaste kiss to Nat's forehead. She got up and padded into the bathroom.  

Natasha grabbed her phone, and called Fury's cell. After 2 rings, 

 _"Romanoff. You’re late."_  

 _"_ Sorry, sir. Your lackeys woke up me up in the middle of the night because of a power cut. Needed the extra few minutes" 

" _Hilarious Natasha. What happened"_  

 _"_ I know as much as what the surveillance team told me. Localised EMP, origin unknown, possibly attackers. After a certain amount of time it was decided no attack was imminent and they retreated to their posts. After that we went back to sleep." 

" _Right, right. Give me an update on Agent Hill. How is she recovering?"_  

 _"_ Physically, she's doing better. From what I can tell, majority of the pain is gone. Just minor things like the bruising and the cuts on her wrists. Mentally, I think it will take a bit longer than a few days to recover from." 

" _Understood, agent. No change in mission parameters currently. You are to remain with Agent Hill. Surveillance teams report no disturbances to perimeter."_  

Just as Natasha opened her mouth to ask Fury to allow her to return to the helicarrier to help hunt the mole, Maria walked out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, hair dripping wet. She flashed Natasha a grin as she went to her closet and pulled out clothes for the day. She went back into the bathroom to get dressed, leaving Natasha staring after her.  

"Yes, sir. Nothing out of the ordinary." 

 _"Good, Maria needs rest. Please make sure she gets that. Dismissed, Romanoff"_  

"Yes, sir. Goodbye" 

Her plans of going to the helicarrier disappeared as she realised she couldn’t leave here. She couldn’t abandon Maria, not when she needed her. If Maria couldn’t go to the ship, then neither could she. They were a pair, one went with the other. So Natasha would stay, she knew Clint was perfectly capable of sorting out the mole situation.  

Knowing Maria would be hungry, she want to keep her good mood going, so she started to make breakfast. Quickly whipping up some pancakes, she looked for the syrup in the cupboard and cut up some strawberries as she heard the hairdryer in the bathroom switch off. Just as she had finished plating up, Maria walked out of the bathroom looking better than she had in days. Wearing proper clothes instead of pyjamas for 2 days straight, Natasha could tell she felt better too. Stunning, as always. 

"Pancakes!" Maria exclaimed happpily, walking over the the kitchen. Eyeing the strawberries, she let out a sigh. "Seriously, what did I do to deserve you" 

Natasha didn't reply, she knew if she said what she was thinking Maria would just disagree, that it was the other way around. So she smiled instead, and slid the plate toward where Maria had taken her seat.  

As the sunlight spilled into the apartment, Natasha felt for the first time since they were reunited, that they would get through this, together. The hope Natasha felt was foreign and she relished it.  

 


	11. Normal

With both of them sitting on the couch, the setting could have seemed almost normal, if it weren't for the first aid supplies surrounding them. Changing Maria's wrist bandages was something Natasha didn't mind doing, she liked knowing they were clean and she was healing.  Maria hated it. Natasha could tell from her expression, the way she avoids eye contact with her, settling for a laser focus on the TV, regardless of what's on.   

Finishing as quickly as possible and packing all the supplies back into the kit, Natasha stashes it back in the kitchen out of sight. It's still early in the day and she knows they have quite a bit of work to get through. An hour or so of just relaxing would be nice. The last few days had been... intense, to say the least. Important conversations would need to be had, but Natasha couldn’t bring herself to say it and jeopardize Maria's happiness.  

Flopping down on the couch, "You probably won't need those much longer. You're healing really well, shouldn’t be any scars." Natasha stretched out her legs, her feet resting on Maria's lap as she turned her head to watch the TV. She wasn’t really paying attention, Maria had rested her hands on Nat's bare feet and started to trail her fingers over the soft skin.   

"Yeah" Maria murmured in agreement. They sat just enjoying each others company. Natasha had never really embraced domesticity. When they had been together before, they led such busy lives, both being high ranking members of SHIELD. Anytime they got together, initially, had been rushed and passionate. Over time they got comfortable and it turned into more like a relationship. Spending time off ship together, off mission. That's when it really hit Natasha she was in too deep. Maria's accidental admission sent her over the edge. Taking off was in her nature and she gave into it.  

Lying here now, it felt _right_. Like she belonged. Emotion welled up in her chest, belonging was a feeling she had never really experienced. She could fake it like a pro, insert herself into any situation and own it. To everyone else, she _did_ belong. Natasha Romanoff – the outsider. Taking a deep breath, trying to regain control, she breathed out slowly. Now was not the time for an emotional breakdown. She was supposed to be the strong one here, Maria had enough to worry about without her sobbing on the couch for no reason.  

Closing her eyes, her mind drifted to Maria's.. New abilities. She couldn’t find a word that didn’t terrify her, so abilities would do for now. Natasha had loads of abilities. She could cook, dance, kill a man in 2.3 seconds in hand to hand contact, heal quickly, exceptional marksmanship – loads. Granted she couldn’t cook a man by touching him, but everyone's different. It must be some form of electrical manipulation, but to what extent. If she can emit an EMP in her sleep, can she do it when she's awake? If Maria could learn to control this, she could be _incredible_. Well, she already is, but this could help keep her safe. Just now it seems to manifest in times of extreme stress and panic.   

"I'm not sure what to tell Phil" Maria's voice breaking her train of thought. Natasha went to sit up a little to talk but Maria's grip on her foot stopped her. "I'm comfy, stay" Natasha just smiled at her and relaxed again.  

"We tell him what he needs to know to help you. His team have been the lead on enhanced people for a while now, natural and induced, maybe they’ve seen something like it before? And you know he'll keep it quiet, he kept Johnson a secret for months." Natasha says, "They'll need to do tests, either we can go to him or he can bring his team here."  

"He still has the bus, he could be anywhere. Still can't believe Fury gave him a plane, I mean I know he went through a lot but talk about favouritism." Maria joked, "Maybe I'll get my very own."  

"You hate flying. And if you wanted a plane, all you had to do was ask." Natasha smirked at Maria's offended expression.  

"I do not hate flying, why would you think that? Also, what?" Maria added perplexed at Natasha's offer.  

"Uh, ya you do. You get all sweaty, talk a lot and get very, very tense. And I could totally buy you a plane. I mean maybe not as high tech as SHIELD shit but totally like I dunno, a private jet." Maria just stared at her, incredulous, her hand stilling its repetitive motions on her foot.    

"I didn’t think anyone knew that. I tried _really_ hard to hide it. And you can't just offer to buy me a plane Nat. It's a _smidge_ extravagant."  

Natasha just shrugged like it's perfectly normal to offer people jets, "Even before we got together... I noticed you. Before getting on the quinjets you would get mean. You weren't Deputy Director at the time but you were still the boss" Natasha smiled at the memory "Agent's were terrified of you. Did you know? You were so wrapped up in hiding your own fear, you were completely oblivious to everyone else's. "  

"Is that why you were the only one who sat next to me?" Maria asked, as if this revelation explained a mystery she had long wondered about.  

"People didn't want to get shouted at for breathing too loud" Natasha smirked. "You never shouted at me." 

Maria shook her head, smiling. "If I have to go on his plane, you'll come with me right? Make sure I don't get... _mean?"_ She hid the question in a teasing tone, but Natasha could hear the undercurrent of concern. 

"Yeah of course. Sorry babe, you're stuck with me" Natasha grinned and turned back to the TV. "Fury's off our backs for a few days. He knows somethings up but he's taking a step back. There was an incident on the heli he has to take care of." 

"Don't be coy, tell me." Maria knew there was more, Fury wouldn't back off without good reason.  

"I talked to Clint this morning, he was supposed to call last night but he didn't. He interrogated Blantov yesterday, it was pretty successful. The report should be uploaded by now, if you want to take a look."  

"Or you could tell me the reason he didn’t call instead of a feeble attempt to distract me?" Natasha suppressed a flinch at Maria irritated tone. Finally turning to look at her, Natasha told her, 

"Blantov's dead. After Clint's interrogation, he was put back in his cell. Under an hour later, surveillance was cut and when it went back on, he was dead. Wrist's were cut." Better to just tell her in the one go instead of dragging it out. 

Natasha could practically hear the thoughts racing through Maria's mind as she fit the puzzle of the entire situation together. 

"Traitor. There's a traitor on the helicarrier." She managed to piece together the sentence. 

"Yes. The only people who know are the Director, Clint, probably security and us. He's starting individual interviews, it'll take forever but he's furious." 

"That's how they knew. Where to find me, whoever it was told them how, where and – why? Why did they want me? I can't fucking _remember_! _"_ Maria's words were rushed, slightly slurred together as she tried to sort through her thoughts. Maria's hand lifted to her head, Natasha saw the movement and before she could make contact with her head, Natasha's hand shot out and grabbed her arm. 

"Hey, hey, take a breath. Yeah, that’s what I think. How would they have known when you would be there otherwise? It makes sense someone fed the mercs the information. The Hydra infiltration ran deep, it's plausible there's a couple of stragglers left behind. People are transferred on and off the helicarrier weekly, my initial thought was maybe they had given flight times?" Natasha explained, trying to calm Maria. "And I think I know why they wanted you. Blantov said they needed another component to their experiment. Chitauri debris from New York. You handled a lot of the clean up, didn’t you?" 

Maria closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. "Yes" she uttered, quietly. "For months that was all I did, coordinating teams, arranging what should be destroyed and what should be kept for study by research and development." Looking over to Natasha her face was distraught, her hands clenched on her lap, "They obviously got it, I must have told them where it was. Wait, how could they have infiltrated a SHIELD facility unknown? We eradicated most of Hydra from our ranks, surely they can't be everywhere still."  

"Cut off one head, two more grow back. They weren't kidding. They're worse than a fucking roach infestation" Natasha growled. "Look, you are the _only_ person to survive their experiments. For all we know they're doing the same thing to defenseless women right now. There is a high possibility, that they might try to come for you. I won't let them, understand?" Maria nodded. 

Pulling up the laptop, she quickly sent word to Fury about the Chitauri tech possibly, _probably_ , missing from storage. They needed to know what was missing, what the added component was, then once they have all the reactants of the 'treatment' as Maria called it, they can get it to Coulson's team and reverse engineer it.  

"I thought you wanted to keep Fury in the dark." Maria asked, confused as she watched Natasha type. 

"This is different, it's part of the Blantov investigation. As far as he knows I'm still working on it. He won't know its to do with you." Finishing up her email, she handed the laptop over to Maria, letting her read the report from the interrogation. She sat close, putting her arm around Maria's shoulder pulling her in. "Email Phil on the secure line just now. We can send him everything we have so far from Akella, and when Fury finds what's missing, it’s the last piece." 

Maria nodded, still reading from the screen. "I'm going to keep the whole... " Maria lifted her hands and imitated a bomb exploding, sound effects included "out of it until they've looked over the research."  

"Ok, it's your choice" she replied nodding her head. "Have you tried to.. Use it? I know it's scary and you probably want to just pretend it isn't there, but it could help you. If they do try to come for you, having some extra firepower can't hurt. Honestly, the amount of rage I have pent up right now, I could take down an army, ripping faces off left right and centre" Natasha tried to joke at the end it fell flat. Maria's expression was unusually blank again, and Natasha didn't know what to make of it. 

Squeezing her shoulder a little, she leaned in closer to Maria's ear nudging her nose against it. "Talk to me, what are you thinking?" She breathed out, pressing a soft kiss to Maria's cheek before pulling back. Maria turned her head a fraction, 

"Everything." She said, just as quiet as Natasha's question. "There's so much, Nat. _So much_. I'm trying _so_ hard to be normal. To keep it together. I can't control.. One minute I'm happy, genuinely happy which is.. wrong, and the next I just want to crawl into bed and never leave. I don’t... I can’t even think about the stuff that's happening to my body."  

"It's ok, I understand. I shouldn't have brought it up so soon." Natasha said in apology, guilt twisting her stomach. "Why is being happy wrong? That's a good thing. You have every right to be happy, _especially_ now. Your happiness means they didn't win." Natasha tried to understand her thought process but was falling short. 

"Wrong maybe wasn't the right word.. How can it be normal to feel happy now? After everything that happened, still _is_ happening, it's not normal." Maria finished with a shake of her head. 

"Normal is subjective. Finding happiness in the face of trauma is extraordinary. You are extraordinary. Plus, I'm not normal. Like, at all. In the Red Room, there were a bunch of us. We trained together, learned together, ate together. They made us do... awful things. But when we were just us, in the bunks and we managed to get out of the cuffs we would sneak into the kitchens, I think they knew but.. They let us. I was happy then. We would sit in a circle and share what we scavenged. During sparring, as we got older, the winner had to... Losing wasn't tolerated. But no matter what happened during sparring, the circle was ours. We were happy then." Natasha finished her story with a steady voice.  

Speaking of the Red Room was like repeating a story she was told long ago. Like it didn't _really_ happen. Maria had turned to look at her during the story, her features contorted into sympathy. Her arms had snaked around Natasha's waist, pulling her closer, trying to comfort her without being overbearing.  

"Normal is subjective" Maria repeated, nodding. She rested her head on Natasha's shoulder, "I'm so sorry that happened to you." In response Natasha gave slight shrug. Shifting the laptop to the side, they curled in closer to each other. Everyone had their share of traumatic shit happen to them. Unfortunately, they had experienced more than most. At least they had each other. 

 


	12. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so first attempt at proper smut. If it's not your thing, feel free to skip. This chapter isnt necessary for the story it's pretty much just fluff but hey, thats why you're reading this. If you like, let me know. If you dont - fair enough!

The energy Natasha had accumulated over the last few days was making her agitated. Her impromptu run had barely put a dent in it. She decided to fit in a workout while Maria was figuring out how to write her email to Coulson. It was her decision to include what she wanted to, so Natasha left her to it. Quickly changing into her workout clothes, she began stretching. It felt good, falling into a routine she knew by heart. After a few minutes, she dropped to the floor doing push ups. Doing it until she felt a burn in her arms, Natasha flipped and began sit ups. Her core strength was immense, but after a while she began to break a sweat.  

She moved on, doing a variety of different exercises before finally lying back on the floor, panting for breath. It wasn’t as a good as a run or a spar, but she felt good. She had lost track of time halfway through her workout, but she thought it had been long enough that Maria would be finished. Sitting up after her breathing returned to normal, her gaze flicked to the couch seeking out Maria. When their eyes met, Natasha saw Maria had obviously been staring at her for quite a while, her pupils huge with desire. 

Natasha smirked, raising her eyebrow as she said 

"See something you like?" Her grin widened as Maria nodded, words failing her. Getting up from her position on the floor, she walked slowly towards her, eye contact never broken. Natasha lifted the laptop from where it rested on Maria's thighs, replacing the weight with her own body.  

"Is this okay?" She whispered in Maria's ear as she felt hands grip her waist. Maria nodded, her hands drifting under Natasha's tight tank top. "I need to hear you say it." Natasha's voice was quiet, caring. She didn’t want to overstep what Maria was comfortable with and she knew how arousal could make people do things they would later regret. 

"Yes, Natasha. This is okay." With Maria's consent, Natasha began her journey kissing along Maria's jaw, finally meeting her soft, inviting lips. Maria immediately kissed back, opening her mouth to run her tongue along Natasha lips. Wasting no time, she opened her mouth meeting her tongue. There was no desperation, no fighting for dominance. It was a dance of equal partners, both taking their time relearning each other.  

Natasha's hands had threaded themselves through Maria's long silky smooth hair, getting tangled as she gently scratched her scalp in the way Maria loves. She could feel Maria smile against her lips, so she pulled back slightly to look at her. Her hands still in her hair, she took in the blissful expression on Maria's face. Her eyes were still closed and the smile on her face grew when she realised what Natasha was doing. Cracking open an eye, she stared up at Natasha and asked, 

"Something wrong?" The smile still on her face. Natasha's eyes soaked in the entire picture. The blush on Maria's cheeks, the ruffled hair, the dopey smile. She wanted to say the words screaming in her mind, but they caught in her throat. She just shook her head, and leant back down to capture Maria's slightly swollen lips. They continued their slow, sensual make out session until Natasha felt Maria's nails scrape up her abs, bringing the tank top with her. Natasha pulled back, eyebrows drawn together in the unasked question, Maria looked her in the eye and nodded, pulling it up further.  

Natasha raised her arms above her head, willing to go as far as Maria wanted to. She felt the tank top peeled from her sweaty body before she returned to Maria's lips. Sitting topless on top of Maria, her nipples hardened in the cool air. She felt Maria's soft hands gently cup her large breasts, her thumbs brushing across the hard peaks. Her breath caught in a slight gasp as she began to pinch lightly, she dropped her mouth to Maria's neck, kissing the sensitive skin waiting.  

The throb between Natasha's legs was getting harder to ignore, so she shifted positioning herself to straddling just one of Maria's thighs, while Maria instinctively lifted her leg slightly giving Natasha something to grind against. She began to rock her hips back and forth, pressing down on Maria's strong, toned thigh. Her breathing was getting faster, and she dropped her forehead to rest against Maria's shoulder, focusing on her own pleasure. Maria sensing she was getting closer, sought out her neck, alternating between sucking hard and dragging her teeth across the sensitive skin. She shifted her hand resting on Natasha's waist, holding her steady to the slight space between her thigh and Natasha's sex desperate for friction. Feeling Maria's fingers against her, she caught a whimper in her throat. Maria sucked down _hard_ on Natasha's neck, her fingers quickening their assault on Natasha's nipple while her other hand pressed strong circles to Natasha's clit moving with her increasingly frantic hip jerks, through her tight workout pants.  

"Maria..." Natasha managed to breath out.  

"Yes?" Maria posed the question, detaching herself from Natasha's neck 

"More" Maria chuckled at the request. 

"More what?" Natasha growled at the teasing, Maria knew her too well. It was something she loved and loathed. No one else had ever been able to get her into this quivering mess except her. Natasha was _always_ the one in control. 

"More, _please"_ She all but begged. She needed to come. Now.  

"Good girl" Maria purred against her neck. When she removed the hand pressed between her thigh and Natasha, she heard a whine escape Natasha's mouth which would be _denied_ if it was ever mentioned. She quickly shoved her hand down Natasha's pants, seeking out her hot, wet pussy. Wasting no time, Natasha felt two fingers enter her with no resistance, she couldn’t hold back the gasp. When Maria's thumb began to brush her hard, sensitive clit Natasha began to buckle under Maria's skilled ministrations. Her arms were locked around Maria's neck in a hug as her walls began to clench around Maria's strong fingers. Their faces pressed together, Maria turned slightly and she peppered soft kisses to her cheek as she rode out her intense orgasm.  

Maria slowly pulled her fingers from Natasha when she felt the last of the spasms, she put her arms around Natasha as she caught her breath. Natasha had missed the closeness, it was the first time they had any form of sex in almost 5 months, and she forgot how _incredible_ Maria was.  

Finally climbing off of Maria's lap, she collapsed on the couch, dragging Maria with her. Maria got comfortable, her head resting on Natasha's shoulder. "Are you ok?" Maria asked, slightly nervous at Natasha's silence. 

Opening her eyes, she stared at Maria. "Yes, I'm _amazing._ That was.. Unexpected, but.. You're amazing." Maria grinned up at her, pulling her into a tight hug. They lay there, ridiculously comfortable. Maria's body heat keeping Natasha warm despite her lack of top.  

"Did you finish the email?" Natasha asked, her senses slowly returning.  

"Yep, I attached all the Akella experiment documents, told him their missing component was Chitauri technology, that they were trying to create people with super powers. He might ask how I know that, but he's not stupid. We've worked together for years, I think he'll figure out what I'm not saying." Maria explained. It was the first time she had said the words super powers, and Natasha was a bit surprised. She decided not to mention it and just nodded.  

"Good, the sooner his people are on it, the better. I'm just gonna.. Close my eyes for a bit. " Natasha murmured sleepily, her head resting Maria's. Maria smiled and snuggled into her closer. 

 

\-- 

 

When Natasha finally woke, it was dark outside and she had absolutely no idea what time it was. It was disorientating. She had a blanket over her, which wasn’t there when she fell asleep and Maria wasn't beside her anymore. She sat up, looking around, spotting her phone on the table. She grabbed it, looking for the time, _9:_ _36 pm_ _._ Damn, she had slept almost the entire day. Feeling a breeze across her chest, she glanced down realising she was still topless. Smirking, remembering the encounter before the midday nap, she looked around for her tank top.  

Hearing the toilet flush and tap begin to run, she found the top crumpled on the floor. Remembering her workout this morning, she couldn’t put it back on so found a clean one in her duffel. She might have to broach the subject of finding somewhere to unpack her stuff.  

Just as she had pulled on a clean pair of shorts, Maria came out of the bathroom stopping as she noticed the couch was empty. Her eyes flicked around the room and found her standing by the door. 

"What are you doing?" Maria asked with a smile 

"Well I woke up sorta naked so I figured I should sort that out" Natasha quipped with a smirk. 

Maria smiled back at her, a slight blush colouring her face. Natasha crossed the room, standing on her tiptoes giving Maria a light kiss.  

"What do you fancy for dinner? I'm starving." Natasha asked as she started folding the blanket on the couch up. The pancakes were a distant memory to Natasha's growling stomach. Maria had gone to the fridge, pulling out two beers just as someone knocked on the door. Natasha's head snapped to the side, concern over taking her features. Maria walked to the door, and just as she was about to pull it open -  

"Maria wait! What the fuck, look through the peephole! Who is it? Is it surveillance? Is something wrong?" Natasha rushed to her side. 

"Nat, calm down. It's pizza. I ordered it while you were asleep" Maria explained, her hand resting on Natasha's bicep. "Go turn on the TV." 

Trying to bring her heart rate back down to a reasonable level, she nodded after looking through the peephole herself just to make sure. She flopped onto the couch, choosing her favourite show again. Maria wouldn’t mind, she rarely had a chance to watch it and there was a new season so it was a given. And would Maria have series linked it if she didn't want to watch it? Nat didn’t think so. 

Putting the large pizza on the table, Maria took her time getting comfy, pretending she didn’t see Natasha boring a hole into the box, before finally flipping over the lid open. Natasha practically lunged for a slice, burning her hand in the process. 

"Fuck.." She hissed, whipping her hand back.  

"You are literally a child, let it cool." Maria laughed 

"I'm hungry" Natasha pouted, "Hey you got my favourite! Thank you" she realised with a huge smile. 

"Well yeah, you got my favourite the other night so it's only fair. I know you're not big on pepperoni." Maria shrugged. Maria had turned her focus to the TV, "Seriously, this again?" 

Natasha grinned, "Um, don’t pretend you don’t love it. I saw the series link." Natasha reached forward for the barbecue chicken heaven in front of her. Sitting back, she kicked her feet up on the table, enjoying the show.  

"It's a new season, so I don’t want to have who gets kicked out ruined for me. I'm gonna have to figure out a way to get it on the helicarrier. For some reason torrenting doesn’t work up there. It's infuriating." Natasha complained. Maria smiled over at her. She loved hearing her bitch about the most random things. It made a change from the seriousness of their work and life recently. 

"Maybe I can have a chat with IT. I don’t think they'll let you torrent but if I can get them to download it and make sure there's no viruses, I don’t see it being a problem to get it on a drive for you" Maria said. 

"Seriously? Yes! If they ask it's obviously for you. I have a reputation to uphold." Natasha said in complete seriousness as Maria laughed at her. "Ok, focus please. It’s the challenges and I kind of love it when people fail." 

They watched the show in relative silence, munching on the pizza while Natasha would randomly exclaim some criticism or laugh at a bakers fuck up.  

"Well for once I agree with the decision. Lee was awful. How do they even get on the show? Embarrassments." Natasha said, shaking her head. Looking over at Maria, "Ice cream time?" 

Maria nodded, "You go get it, it's my turn to choose what we watch. I'm thinking.. Comedy?" 

"Your choice" Natasha shrugged as she padded into the kitchen to retrieve the ice cream and 2 spoons. Bowls were for idiots, who needs more dishes? Flicking the lights off before settling back on the couch, they snuggled close before Bridesmaids started playing.  

"Good choice" Natasha said through a mouthful ice cream. Maria shook her head at her disgustingness. Noticing the shake, Natasha pressed a kiss to her cheek, 

"Hey! Cold!" Maria exclaimed. Natasha smiled and focused back on the movie.  

"Did I mention I'm really glad you're here?" Maria asked. Natasha smiled, looking up at her.  

"I'm really glad I'm here too." The smile didn’t leave Natasha's face for the rest of the evening. Her sense of belonging intensified with every day they spent together. It hadn't clicked yet, but soon she would realise it wasn’t the apartment that felt like home, it was Maria. 


	13. The Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter so far. Mostly fluff, a little angst, very little plot progression. If you feel like its dragging on, let me know. If you like the fluff and them spending time together, let me know. This is for your enjoyment as much as it is mine.

After the best night sleep Natasha had in months, she got up early for a quick shower before she started on breakfast. She had spent longer in the shower than she planned and hoped Maria was still asleep where she had left her. Towel drying her hair, her thoughts drifted to yesterday. The encounter with Maria was exquisite. She worried though, that things were moving too fast for her. Maria's experiences at the hands of her captors would take a lot longer than a week to recover from, Natasha knew, but her progress was phenomenal. She admitted to feeling happiness on occasion, it was a great sign she would one day move past it. Not let it ruin her life.  

Natasha was well aware of the consequences at that kind of trauma. Growing up in the Red Room she was trained to be the perfect assassin. A spy. Seductress. Those weren't traits one naturally possesses. Especially growing up in that environment. No, these were skills that were... learned. Taught, in lessons she did not want to attend. Granted, murdering your sisters was considerably worse. Shaking her head, she pushed those thoughts down. Most of her experiences in the Red Room were locked away, only surfacing when she chose to reveal those dark parts of her soul. It was rare, but she found spending so much time with Maria, she was opening up more than she ever had. It was causing thoughts to slip out without her permission and it was throwing her off balance.  

Throwing on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, she went to start breakfast. She was in the mood for something greasy and heart-attack inducing. Natasha didn't exactly restrict her diet, if she wanted pizza she ate pizza, though she normally leant towards more nutritional food naturally. Some habits were difficult to break. Automatically her gaze went to the bed, only to find it was empty. She found Maria standing in the kitchen, an array of food around her, literally everything Natasha had been fantasizing about in the shower.  

Natasha frowned, "Not that this isn't a beautiful sight or anything, but I was gonna make breakfast" 

"You've made breakfast since you got here, it's my turn" Maria smiled at her. "I know I'm a shitty cook and everything, but I'm sure I can manage this" 

Natasha stalked over to the kitchen, standing flush against Maria's back wrapping her arms around her waist. She peeked over her shoulder to see what she was currently working on. 

"Ok how did you know this is exactly what I wanted?" Natasha stared at the food around her incredulously. Maria for once _wasn't_ butchering a meal! She must have been trying really hard, it warmed Natasha's heart. She felt Maria chuckle against her, she tucked her head and pressed her face against her shoulder, savouring the feeling.  

"How can you be so good at learning people, knowing their every intimate detail, their habits, their ticks and not even recognise that your morning-after-sex breakfast is _always_ , and I'm not exaggerating, greasy fry-up food?" Maria explained, much to Natasha's chagrin. 

"I... not always..." _Only when it's good. Only when it's you. "_ Sometimes I'd rather eat you for breakfast" Natasha tried to cover up the embarrassment and overwhelming emotion by making a stupid joke but she could hear it in her own voice that she had failed. Maria tried to turn around in Natasha's hold but she held tight, and just moved with her. 

"Natasha, stop" Maria laughed. Natasha relented and loosened her hold allowing Maria to turn around. Taking in Natasha's face she saw the lingering blush and reluctance to look her in the eye. She gently lifted Natasha's chin, willing her to look at her. Maria was confused, this type of reaction from Natasha was unusual. She hadn't said anything that bad, she didn’t think?  

"What's wrong?" Maria asked, when Natasha finally looked at her.  

"Nothing" Natasha schooled her expression into a winning smile and leaned forward for a kiss. Maria pulled back, not interested in being lied to. Instead she raised an eyebrow, and waited. 

"I... this is new for me..." Natasha tried to explain, seeing that Maria wasn't going to let her _childish_ reaction to such a regular thing go "People usually don't get close enough to know my habits. I don’t _let_ people close enough. I'm trying." As explanations go it was pretty vague, but she thought Maria understood. If the fact that Maria leaned down and gave her the most gentle, loving kiss after, she thinks she got the message across. 

"Pour us some OJ, I'll plate up" she murmurs against her lips, reluctant to pull away. Instead of following her orders, Natasha kisses her again, just as gently. Finally pulling away, she does as asked and takes her seat at the island. What is put in front of her is nothing short of magnificent. Essentially a traditional full english that Natasha fell in love with while on mission in London. It was a relatively low profile mission, not long after she was cleared for solo missions. It was a test to see how she functioned in society, getting close to a mark to find out important information without blowing her cover. One of the less violent missions of her early life. The food in England was so... _different_ from anything she had experienced before. So were the people and scenery, but the _food._ Natasha indulged, probably more than she should have, she recalls actually making herself sick from eating so much.  

She had travelled the world since then, experienced more culture than most people can say. And yes, there was better food elsewhere, better scenery, better culture, but none of them has come close to the euphoria of the sense of freedom she had in England in that first mission. Anytime she was off ship, it had become habit to buy the ingredients. She didn't always cook it, but the ingredients reminded her now she really was free. The Red Room didn't control her anymore. With a smile on her face, she tucked into Maria's creation. 

"I was thinking... we could maybe go out today?" Maria said quietly as the ate their breakfast. Natasha's eyes flicked up to meet hers, surprised at the suggestion. 

"Yeah of course, where do you wanna go?" Natasha had been thinking of bringing it up, but she didn't want to upset her. She had seen the fear flit across her face at the mere notion of going to the store for groceries just a few days ago. Yet again she was astounded by the strength of the woman across from her.  

"Well, I was thinking, you know, starting small? There's the park, a few blocks away. I just really want some fresh air, and it's quiet there during the day. I don’t really want to... be around a lot of people right now." The vulnerability in Maria's voice was hard to hear, but Natasha nodded, trying to be supportive. 

"Sounds good." Natasha said, finishing the last of her breakfast. "You wanna get dressed and I'll wash up? If we go soon, it'll be even quieter." Maria nodded, looking pretty apprehensive yet determined. This is necessary for recovery. She can't hide inside forever. Soon she would be expected to function in the world and if she flinched when she walked past someone, how was she to expect agents to respect her authority? She decided it wouldn’t come to that.  

\-- 

Fifteen minutes later, they were ready to go. It was a stunning day out, so Natasha was leaving the jacket behind. Her t-shirt was loose and long enough that she could tuck her guns in without it being too noticeable. She was slightly nervous. It would be the first they were out in the open, the opportunity to attack would be at its highest since she was back. She tried to appear calm, to put Maria at ease. Speaking of Maria, Natasha looked her over only to find she was dressed as if it was winter outside. Her jacket was huge, it was the same one she wore home from the helicarrier.  

"'Ria, you can’t wear that. Babe you'll melt before we get there" Natasha tried to reason. Maria looked away, jaw clenched. Natasha went to her closet and pulled out Maria's favourite leather jacket. 

"Here, wear this. It's a _little_ lighter than that, and it still covers you're bandages." Natasha said knowingly. Maria stared at her for a few seconds, before shrugging it off. Natasha sighed as she realised Maria was wearing a sweater under the jacket. 

"That too."  

"Come on, Nat." 

"You'll get heatstroke! You don’t need it on." 

"Fine." Maria tried to pull it over her head, but as she gripped the bottom of the sweater and pulled, she sucked in a hard breath of pain. Natasha rushed forward and pulled it back down. 

"Arms first. Your ribs are still healing." She pulled the arm of the sweater down so Maria could pull her arm in first, then repeated with the next, before pulling it up over her head. 

Finally, Maria was standing in a long sleeved t-shirt, Natasha allowed her to put on the jacket and they were ready to go.  

"Wait, my gun."  

"I have mine, we'll be fine." Natasha said as she opened the door, waiting for Maria to walk over the threshold. She stared at it before looking back at Natasha. 

"Keys." Natasha held up the bundle of keys, her index finger through the keychain, indicating with a nod of her head for Maria to go. 

Clearly running out of excuses to stay, Maria took a deep breath and walked forward. Closing the door behind them, Natasha reached out and took Maria's hand as they walked to the elevator.  

Taking out her phone with the other hand, she dialled the number for the head of the surveillance team. 

" _Agent Romanoff, do you need assistance?"_  

 _"_ No Agent, I'm just calling to let you know Agent Hill and I will be going out for about an hour. We won't need back up so please just remain at your post"  

" _Yes sir"_  

Natasha ended the call just as the elevator opened into the foyer. Maria's grip on her hand tightened as the view to stairs came into her line of sight. Natasha squeezed back lightly before walking forward confidently, trying to let Maria know there's nothing to be scared of. She's right here. 

Casting a quick glance at Maria as they reached the top of the steps, Natasha saw she was quite pale and her breathing was coming in a lot quicker than it should. She felt a slight tremble in Maria's hand 

"You ok over there?" Natasha had taken the first step and Maria had stood still. Their hands still joined, Natasha gave another little squeeze. 

"Yeah I just... I haven't been here since. They dropped us off on the roof." Maria explained, her voice steady. 

"I know, it's ok. You're safe." Natasha tried to be reassuring, and it seemed to work as Maria began the descent of the stairs. 

"Good" Natasha smiled. "Let's get to this park. Do you go there a lot?" She attempted to make conversation to distract Maria. She was doing amazingly well, she didn’t want her mind to hold her back. 

Beginning their walk to the park, "Yeah, it’s where I go to run. It's beautiful. There's a big lake. I love it." Natasha watched as a smile appeared on Maria's face as she talked about the park, it clearly was a place she enjoyed visiting. 

It was still relatively early, just coming up for 10:30am so the streets were relatively desolate which Natasha was thankful for. They made small talk as the park came more and more into view.  

Stopping at the gate, Natasha looked at the sign. Dog park. There was a slight frown on her face. It wasn't that she didn’t _like_ dogs, she just hadn't ever been around animals.  

"You ok?" Maria asked, confused at the frown on her face.  

"Yeah, totally, let's go. Where do you wanna go first?" Natasha blurted out, frown disappearing from her face but she could tell her voice had given away some of her unease. What was happening to her, she's a _spy_ for fuck sake. She put it down to the dogs. 

"Er ok, well there's a café in the centre beside the lake so we can take the long way round and get a coffee?" Maria looked at her a little funny but she didn’t say anything which Natasha was extremely grateful for.  

"Yeah, sounds good." Natasha smiled at her and walked forward, oozing confidence. They walked hand in hand leisurely around the park. Admittedly, it was beautiful. In the height of summer the trees were in bloom, green coated almost every surface bordering a relatively wide path. With the sun beating down on them, she worried slightly about Maria's temperature but she looked fine. Just as they neared the end of the path, a couple with a _huge_ dog started walking towards them. Natasha wasn't entirely sure it was a dog. If it wasn't black and white, Natasha would be convinced it was a bear. A legit bear in New York.  

They were getting closer, and her eyes didn't leave the bear. If she was mauled today, she would never forgive Maria. As the couple with the pet bear passed, Natasha couldn't contain the flinch and she slightly stumbled into Maria, her face reddening in embarrassment. She hadn't noticed Maria subtly watching her before, suspicious of her silence. 

Maria burst out laughing as Natasha stumbled, gripping her hand for some support. 

"Oh my god. Are you serious? You're afraid of dogs? The Black Widow, is afraid of _dogs?"_ Maria managed to force out the words through the belly aching laughs. Her hands came up to rest on her ribs, evidently in pain from the laughing.  _Karma._

Natasha shot her a scathing look, "I am not _afraid_ of dogs. I just don't... I don't trust them! That's all!" Natasha was quick to explain, hoping her face wasn't as red as it felt. "Also that was not a dog, they stole that from a fucking zoo." 

Maria chuckled, pulling Natasha in close to wrap an arm around her waist.  

"That was an Alaskan Malamute. It is in fact a breed of dog." 

"Well I just don’t believe you."  

"Come on, the café's over here and you can tell me all about your dog phobia"  Maria laughed again as Natasha covered her face with her hand. 

They found a booth inside, normally Maria would have suggested sitting outside but that's where people with dogs sat, so inside it was.  

Sitting down with their respective drinks, a coffee for Maria and a fruit smoothie for Natasha.  

"So go on then, tell me. Why are you afraid of dogs? Honestly if I had known I wouldn't have suggested we come here." Maria started with a smirk but it softened as she realised Natasha might genuinely be uncomfortable about this. 

"I'm not afraid, I've just never been around animals long enough to form a... trust with them. Dogs are always so... enthusiastic that I just have this uncontrollable urge to step back." Natasha struggled to explain without using the word _afraid_. 

Maria smiled softly at her, "Sometimes I forget. You're so good at living, I forget how differently we grew up. I had 3 dogs growing up. I uh, didn't have a lot of friends and my dad... he was busy a lot. He didn't have much time for me so the dogs were my family." Natasha hung on every word, Maria was almost as reluctant to talk about her past as Natasha was. "I wish I could have one now but life is just so... busy, and majority of the time I'm on the helicarrier, it's just not possible. So I come here when I can, people are always friendly when you want to pet their dog" Maria finished with a smile.  

Natasha smiled back, "I understand that. I would be... open to petting a dog. Maybe. Just a little one. Not a bear." 

"You don't have to, you're allowed to, _not trust_ , dogs" Maria said, not wanting to make Natasha do something she didn’t want to. 

"I want to. We can go find one when you're finished" Natasha decided.  

"Okay then." Maria finished off her coffee and stood, holding out her hand for Natasha to take.  

Hand in hand, the continued their trek around the park, now in search for a nice, small dog to pet. They didn’t have to wait too long, dogs were always drawn to Maria. She never knew why, but when she came here she was constantly accosted by very friendly canines. A small golden lab, just up to the height of her knee, came careening toward them. Natasha stood behind Maria, letting go of her hand in favour of gripping her waist to position her into the dogs path. The floppy eared puppy jumped up on Maria, its paws resting on her hips while its tongue lolled out of its mouth looking at her in pure adoration.  

"Hey buddy!" Maria exclaimed as she grasped its soft ears, and stroking the dogs head. She glanced around to Natasha, a stupid happy grin on her face "Look it’s a puppy! You wanna pet him?" In the distance Natasha could see the dogs owner, frantically running toward them with the leash in his hand. She gingerly stood forward so she was standing beside her, and reached her hand out to pet the dog. Before she could, the puppy licked her hand and she jerked it back.  

"He likes you." Maria said with a smile. She tried again, Marias smile encouraging her to be overcome the urge telling her to keep her hands by her side. She stroked the dogs head, and then he turned his gaze on her, filled with the same adoration he had for Maria. She had to admit, he was insanely cute. The owner was finally catching up to them, he slowed as he neared, really out of breath.  

"I'm so sorry! Bad dog! Bad Benji, you do not run away!" He said as he clipped the leash back onto the dogs collar. The owner was really tall, easily towering over both of them and clearly lives in the gym. "Did he hurt you? He's friendly, but a little too friendly." He said with a smile, pulling Benji back from his perch on Maria.  

She looked at Maria, expecting her to answer as he was clearly talking to her, and found the colour in her cheeks had drained and the smile from petting the puppy had vanished. She was looking down, staring at her hands. Natasha followed her gaze, startled to find tiny sparks of light dancing on her finger tips. Maria quickly clenched her hands, effectively hiding it.  

"No, we're fine. He's very cute but maybe keep him on the leash until he's a little better trained." Natasha said with a winning smile, reaching forward to pet the dog, distracting the owner from his odd look focused on Maria. 

"Yeah, definitely. That little go at fetch did _not_ go as planned" He said with a laugh. "See you later!" He waved as he pulled a reluctant Benji with him. 

Natasha stood in front of Maria, "Hey, you ok? Look at me, you're safe ok?" Maria's eyes were shining with unshed tears. 

"Uh yeah, yeah I'm fine" Maria said, wiping her eyes. "Can we uh, can we go home please?"  

"Yeah of course, let's go." Natasha said, grasping Maria's hand and pulling her toward the exit.  

The walk back to the apartment was half as long as it had been getting to the park, Natasha had a good idea what had happened and wanted to get her back as soon as possible.  

Walking into the apartment, Maria went straight to the bathroom. Natasha lingered by the door, not knowing what to do with herself, or how to help. She took the guns from their comforting place against her back and placed them on the counter.  

Kicking off her shoes with a sigh, she padded over to the couch and sat down on the edge, her elbows resting on her knees, her chin on her hands. She was staring at the bathroom door, waiting for Maria to come out. Ten minutes passed, and she heard nothing from the bathroom and no indication Maria would surface any time soon. 

Patience finally running out, she stood and walked over to the bathroom door. Gently knocking on the door, she called, 

"Maria, are you alright?" 

Nothing. Concern began to grow. She tried the door, it was unlocked. 

"I'm going to come in okay?" She didn’t expect a reply, but she didn’t want to just barge in either. 

Slowly opening the door, she saw Maria sitting on the edge of the bath. Her head was down and her hands were gripping the edge. Natasha walked forward, dropping to her knees in front of her, resting back on her feet. 

She looked up, seeing Maria's tear streaked face. She wasn't crying anymore, but her eyes were red. She sniffed and met Natasha's concerned gaze. 

"I can't even go to the park." Maria's voice was tiny, and broken from crying. Natasha reached forward, grasping her knees. 

"You did great today. We just hit a hurdle, that’s all." Natasha tried to comfort her, "What happened... it's understandable. It's just been me and you here, seeing anyone that close, let alone 6 foot 5 bodybuilder, is going to be unnerving. But hey, Benji was cute right?"  

"Yeah, you petted him" Maria gave a tiny smile that faltered after a second. "I hate this." 

"I know. Me too." Natasha decided to be honest, "I don’t know how to help you."  

Maria took in her earnest expression, finally loosening her grip on the bath brought her hand up to thread her fingers through Natasha's hair. 

"You are helping, just by being here."  

Natasha hoped that was true.  

"Come on, let's go drink on the balcony. We still have beer right?" 

"Was petting a dog so stressful it's driving you to drink? Do I need to worry about your blossoming alcoholism?" 

Natasha mock gasped, placing a hand over her heart as if wounded. 

"Rude." Climbing to her feet, she kept the hurt expression on her face as she walked to the door. Turning back before she walked through the floor, she flashed Maria a grin and tilted her head for her to follow. Maria chuckled and stood, trailing behind her.  

Maria took off her jacket, launching it on the bed before kicking off her shoes. She sat on the comfortable chair on the balcony, reclining slightly. 

Natasha grabbed two desperately needed beers. Looking around in the drawers for the bottle opener she heard, 

"Nat, can you bring the laptop?" 

"Sure" she said, grabbing the opener from the drawer and popping them open. She grabbed the laptop on her journey to the balcony, soaking in the sun as she walked out. Handing the laptop to Maria, she took her seat on the other chair, taking a swig of the cold beer while placing Maria's beside her. 

Lying back, she let the sun wash over her. It really was a beautiful day. She wished they could have spent more time at the park, Maria had been having a great time teasing her up until she almost electrocuted a random guy walking his unruly dog. 

She could hear Maria tapping away on laptop, she tilted her head to look at her. The bruising in her face was almost completely gone. Her neck bruises were completely gone, she was looking more like herself everyday. She really was a stunning creature. Maria's eyes flicked over to meet hers and she smiled, before looking back to the screen. 

"Phil emailed back. They'll be in the city tomorrow, says they'll land upstate and we can meet them on the plane to go over the documents. I think when we see him I'll tell him everything else. I know it’s the secure line but nothing's _really_ secure." Maria explained, Natasha completely understood her paranoia, especially with the threat of a mole on the ship. "I know his team will want to take samples, hopefully only blood, I uh... will you stay with me? I don’t think I'll... react well to it." 

Natasha was startled by her honesty, but immediately replied with, 

"Of course, it's not even a question. I'll be beside you the entire time." Natasha said emphatically, needing Maria to know her commitment to her. Maria gave her a little smile in return.  

They went back to sitting in silence, listening to the increasing bustle of the city below, enjoying the beautiful view as much as each others comforting presence. 


	14. Moments in time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sort of making up my own timeline. Suspend belief for a bit and it will make sense.

"Would you _please_ settle on a station? You're driving me insane" Natasha complained from the drivers seat.  

"There's nothing good! I'm not doing it to annoy you" Maria bit back. They had been bickering all morning. Maria was clearly stressed about meeting with Coulson and Natasha's patience, which so far had been admirable, was regrettably wearing thin. Maria left it on the last station she clicked on. Some shitty pop station that was relatively inoffensive to the ears. Natasha glanced over to her and saw her sitting back, staring out of the window. 

Guilt settled over her, she gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and told herself to relax. This was obviously more difficult for Maria than it was for her, even if she wasn’t particularly looking forward to spending time with Coulson and his merry band of misfits. Be nice to see May again though. They had about an hour before they would reach the bus, and Maria was getting increasingly fidgety. Natasha put down the window, sticking her hand out, letting the wind push her hand back before bringing it forward again.  

Nick had contacted her this morning, all the recorded Chitauri debris from New York that SHIELD had collected was accounted for, except for one crate. It was catalogued as having potential alien remains and a broken weapon. Natasha hadn't let Fury know they were leaving the apartment. She gave the surveillance teams a little wave before leaving, that was enough notice. She still hadn't heard from Clint, but she wasn't expecting much this soon. She wasn't sure if he was on the Moran Security Group research or if he was conducting interviews on the Helicarrier. Either way, it would be at least a week before there was any solid info.  

She had been doing her own research into this mercenary company. Having contacted a few acquaintances in Russia, they had been making quite the name for themselves even before the involvement with Hydra. A few key phrases tended to be common. Trail of destruction. Cold-blooded killers. Sadistic Tendencies. They didn't seem to hold much of a code, nothing was off limits for them. The only good thing about this method of business, is it wasn't easy to hide. Hydra wasn't their only employer, meaning it was easy enough to track down their other _wor_ _k,_ if you could call it that. She needed names, it would be easier to find out the names of the people at the top, then she could work her way down. Employee rosters, mission assignments and the like, particularly employees stationed in NYC in the last month. She knew Agent Johnson was a talented hacker, she considered having a word with her, see if she could get this info. She was good with computers but Maria's old laptop wasn't going to cut it when hacking a mercenary group.  

Obviously as far as SHIELD is concerned, this is about taking down a vicious group of criminals who have no regard for human life if it does not benefit them. Natasha's personal mission did not need to be disclosed. Eventually someone would be assigned to hunt these people down, whether they would be eliminated or not was up for debate, but that wasn't something Natasha could risk. SHIELD was all for capture and imprison. Some people did not deserve that. Well maybe, she hadn't fully decided yet. Ultimately she would let Maria decide, but during her darkest moments she had already planned several methods of torture, in great detail. That _also_ did not need to be disclosed. 

Movement out the corner of her eye caught her attention, Maria had begun to bounce her leg up and down. Switching hands on the steering wheel, she reached over and placed a hand on her leg, squeezing gently. The bouncing didn't stop, but she felt Maria's hand cover hers.  

“I'm sorry for snapping” Natasha apologised quietly. 

“Me too. For snapping. All morning.” She was still staring out the window, “I'm nervous.” 

“I know. It will be fine, it's just Coulson.” Natasha reminded her, there was nothing to be afraid of. 

“What if…” Natasha waited for Maria to continue for a good 20 seconds. Nothing.  

“What if, what?” Natasha prompted. Maria sighed and shook her head. 

“What if they _know._ What if they look at me and can see it? That I'm broken, that the strong, in control, powerful Deputy Director is gone.” Maria's voice was trembling, and Natasha could look at her she would see unshed tears glistening in her eyes.  

“You are _not_ broken. You are _not_ what they did to you.” Natasha said in a strong, commanding voice. “Do you understand? You are not what they made you” Her voice caught on the last sentence. Much softer, she repeated “ _You are not what they made you_ _.”_ It was something Maria had said to her numerous times. On bad days, when the red dripping from her ledger threatened to drown her, Maria had known. Had comforted her with distraction, a good spar, a good drink usually leading to a phenomenal fuck, they lay together and Maria would whisper to her when she thought she was asleep, those words. The running mantra pushing back the red, freeing her conscience. For a little while anyway. 

“You are Maria fucking Hill, and nothing can change that. Everything you think is on display, is in your head. Trust me, life time of espionage experience here. You feel different, but you look like same old, jaw-line carved by the gods, Maria Hill.” Natasha finished with a side glance at Maria who had turned to look at her. She saw her smirk and shake her head at the last part.  

“Okay. I believe you. Espionage right? This is just the same, pretend to be me. I can do that.” Natasha's heart broke at the statement, but she had never related to something someone had said more. If that was how she has to look at it then fair enough, who was she to take this method of dealing away from her.  

“Right.” Natasha said in false encouragement. Glancing at the satnav, “We’re almost there.” 

Just as the words left her mouth, the cloaking system on the bus was turned off and to her left a huge plane was unveiled, parked in a random stretch of grass by the side of the road. She slowed down, and parked near the plane. She turned in her seat slightly to face Maria. 

“Ready?” Maria's mask had slipped into place, and all traces of nervousness had vanished. 

“As I'll ever be.” Not knowing how much Maria wanted to share with the team, Natasha leaned forward for a quick kiss before they had to be just colleagues for the next few hours. Her hand resting on Maria's neck, her thumb came up to brush her cheek. They stayed like that for a few seconds, just staring at each other before Natasha leaned back in, their lips barely touching as she whispered “I love you.” 

Natasha turned and bolted from the car, why had she said that? Now was not the time. It just happened. Fuck. Ok relax, it's fine. It's not like she is gonna tell her to leave. She had the keys. And she didn’t have the opportunity to talk about it, the ramp had started to lower and she heard Maria step out the car. 

"Natasha..." Maria started, but Natasha wouldn’t look at her. Not yet.  

"Maria!" Came a voice to their left. Natasha turned around, looking past Maria's gaze locking onto Phil Coulson waving from beside Lola. Maria had given up waiting on Natasha to acknowledge her, and instead turned to walk toward Phil. 

"Maria, its great to see you." Phil said with a small smile on his face. "You're looking well. Is that Romanoff? You didn’t say she would be coming." His gaze fell on Natasha still standing by the car, looking at her phone. 

"Phil, it's good to see you too. How's the team? You manage to read through everything I sent over?" She ignored his question, because obviously it was Natasha. She was the most recognisable agent they had. She wanted to keep this mostly professional, it was how Coulson and her worked best.  

"I have, FitzSimmons have been going over all the documents as well as looking through our database for anything to do with Chitauri. We have a few hits. Do you want to continue this in my office? You can explain why you're really here, not that it isn't nice to see you but, we could have done this over the phone." Phil updated on her on their status. Maria kept her expression blank while she listened, nodding along.  

"Okay, let's go and I'll fill you in." She said with a sigh, "Natasha! You just gonna wait there all day?" Calling over to Natasha, the red head finally looked at her. Maria's heart fluttered as she saw the apprehension in her face. Phil had begun to walk inside already, so she smiled at her, trying to be reassuring that she hadn't said anything wrong.  

Natasha had idly played with her phone, willing the redness in her cheeks to _go away_. Hearing Maria call on her, she turned around, not quite able to fix the expression on her face before Maria saw. In response she got a small smile, so with a sigh, she fixed her 'Agent Romanoff' face on, and walked over to Maria.  

"Where'd Phil go?" Natasha asked, not giving Maria time to ask what she _knew_ was on the tip of her tongue. She didn't want to lie and she wasn't sure what she was feeling right now. _Love, evidently. Idiot._

"His office, it's time to explain how we know they're trying to make enhanced people." Maria explained, "Stay close, please?" 

"Always." Natasha nodded, walking forward onto the bus. She'd had seen the blueprints of the plane at some point over the course of the last few years so she knew where she was going. Feeling Maria close behind her, she climbed the spiral stairs which opened up into the common area.  

"Oh my god, Simmons! Coulson didn’t say _The Black Widow_ would be here!" She heard someone hiss behind her. She continued walking forward, spotting Phil waiting in the common area, not acknowledging the now hushed whispers between Fitz and Simmons.  

"Agent Fitz. Agent Simmons." Natasha hears Maria greet the younger agents, effectively silencing their frenzied discussion as to why Natasha was there.  

"Commander Hill. Lovely to have you back with us, sir" Jemma replied, offering a small smile. 

"It's good to be back." She replied curtly, more out of courtesy than to continue the conversation. Natasha had stopped and was watching the exchange. Letting her gaze drift past Maria, she saw Fitz staring at her, a slightly dumbfounded expression on his face. She raised an eyebrow at him, and smirked when he flushed a deep red. He spun on his feet and left the room. Just as she was about to laugh, Maria fixed a stern expression on her face. 

"I didn't do anything." Natasha lifts her hands up in mock surrender "Promise." 

"Natasha... please don’t give Fitz a heart attack. I can’t deal with the paper work when I get back." Maria said with a sigh as she strolled past her, heading to Phil's office. Natasha gave Simmons a small smile as the girl laughed behind them.  

"Romanoff, are you coming?" Maria called from the other end of the room before heading down the corridor to Coulson's office. 

Walking into the office, Phil had taken his seat behind his desk while Maria sat opposite him. She caught May's eye as she stood by the window in the back, giving a small nod as hello, getting one in return. Closing the door behind her, she walked over to stand behind Maria's chair, just to the left so she was still in her line of sight if she wanted her to be. 

"So, before we start, I just want to say I'm really happy you're ok. We were all worried." Phil says with such sincerity, even Natasha is touched by the sentiment and it isn't aimed at her.  

"Thank you. I'm fine, really. Bruising has healed, ribs are feeling _much_ better. There's just one thing that we need your help with, well FitzSimmons really. No offence Phil, you're smart and all..." Maria trails off with a smile 

"But they are geniuses, I get it, I get it" Phil quips. "Okay, so what is it you need help with and then we can go find them." 

Natasha and May are silent observers in the entire exchange. Maria takes a deep breath and turns to look for Natasha's comforting presence. She instinctively steps forward, the movements do not go unnoticed by the other occupants of the room. 

"They perfected their experiment from Akella. You're looking at patient zero" Maria's voice is strong when she explains her memories from her time in captivity. Telling Phil about the reaction of the scientists of the success of the experiment cause Phil's expression to darken, so far he had been able to maintain neutral.  

"I don't remember their interrogations. We think they questioned me about the Chitauri clean up in New York. Fury confirmed a crate is missing, it hadn’t been processed yet but preliminary notes say it had remains and a weapon inside. Hydra is far from eliminated from our ranks." Maria finished, preparing herself for questions. 

"Okay, so you think they were trying to make enhanced individuals, using the Chitauri technology?" Phil asked, trying to sort out the whole story. 

"Possibly, yes they are definitely trying to make people with powers, however it could be biology rather than technology they are messing with. We don’t know." Maria answered, detached. 

"You survived." Phil stated. Maria nodded. 

 "What happened after?" The question came from May, who had been silent through the meeting. It was clear Phil wanted to ask, he just didn’t know how. Maria turned her head, indicating she had heard May but wouldn’t look at anyone yet. Her gaze rested on her hand resting on the arm of the chair. Elbow still resting on the chair, she brought her hand up to eye level. Everyone followed her gaze, witnessing the sparks of electricity travelling from finger tip to fingertip in a bright flow of electrons, evidently under Maria's control.  

Natasha was surprised to see Maria exert such control. Summoning it on command, not allowing it to shoot from her fingers. Maria clenched her fingers, forming a fist and dispelling the light emitting from her hand.  

"After, I was different." Maria turned to look back at Phil, "After, when a man tried to choke me to death, he burned from the inside out. When I had a nightmare, I accidentally emitted an EMP strong enough to wipe out electricity for 2 blocks. I need this _gone_ Phil. Now." 

If Phil was surprised, he didn’t show it. Natasha's respect for the man skyrocketed in that moment. He nodded, took in everything she said and did not look at her in pity, but he had a fierce determination about him, and Natasha knew they had an immediate ally. 

"This stays on the bus. No reports to Fury." Natasha spoke for the first time since entering, giving May and Phil pointed looks. Phil looked surprised, May's stoicism wasn't broken. 

"You don’t trust him?" Phil was clearly confused at Natasha's secrecy. 

"SHIELD is compromised. Rebuilding is _not_ going as planned, Hydra is still rife in the ranks. It's being kept quiet for now, but a prisoner was killed on the Helicarrier. There is at least one mole on the ship, one at the facility where the New York clean up was being kept. I don’t think any of us are naïve enough to think that is the extent of the infiltration. At this point I trust no one, Coulson." Natasha said, managing to keep the frustration from her voice. 

"Understood, Agent Romanoff. My team will be informed of the need for discretion." Phil nodded. Phil stood and walked around the desk, "I think we should tell them first. Fitz and Simmons will need to know everything, Sk- Daisy will find out regardless if we tell her or not, but I think you should speak with her Maria. Her work with enhanced people, mainly Inhumans, she's really coming into her own, and it might help to speak with someone who has similar experience." 

Maria's head snapped toward him and her expression darkened. He clearly meant in reference to Agent Johnson's ability to emit seismic vibartions, but Natasha immediately knew her mind had gone to much more painful places. Daisy was not experimented on, and she also wanted her powers. She opened her mouth to speak, before closing it and giving him a curt nod.  

Natasha stepped out of the way, as Phil headed towards the door.  

"I'll get everyone to the kitchen area, we can discuss everthing over some lunch, agreed?" Phil asked, looking to everyone for some form of agreement. Eyes resting on May, he gave a nod of his head toward the door and they made to leave the room expecting them to follow. 

Natasha began to follow, before Maria caught her wrist tugging her back.  

"We'll be there in a few minutes. I need to speak to Romanoff first." Maria said, authoritative voice back in place. Natasha looked at her, eyebrow raised. 

"No problem, it's like wrangling cats on this bus anyway. No promises everyone will be waiting when you're finished." Phil joked, closing the door behind him. 

"Romanoff, huh? Am I in _trouble_?" Natasha looked at Maria, voice dropping an octave and smirking at her.  

"Cut the shit, Nat." Maria's voice dropping its hard edge, she stepped into Natasha's personal space, her body flush against hers, she leaned down pulling Natasha into a passionate kiss. It lasted until both of their lungs cried out for oxygen, the pulled apart resting on each others foreheads, breathing heavily. "I love you too." 

Nothing else needed to be said. They met each others gaze, both smiling like idiots, finally feeling like they were on the same level. They were finally in the same place, at the same time.


	15. The Bus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Life's been busy. It's not very long, but it's something.

Trying to pretend she wasn't elated was slightly difficult. The excitement coursing through her veins felt like a tangible force, buzzing in every cell.  As far as the others knew, she had no reason to be grinning from ear to ear, so she tried to keep composure. Finally admitting to Maria she loved her was terrifying, obviously, but Maria said it back and it felt right and perfect and all Natasha wanted to do was kiss her for days and _show_ Maria how much she loved her. But for now, she would have to take the subtle touches under the table while they waited for Coulson to wrangle the team. 

“There's loads of lasagne if that's ok with everyone?” asked Phil, ever the mother hen. Receiving an array of nods from the quiet group, he and Simmons set about plating up for their team and guests. Coulson’s team had grown in the last couple of years, but it was the original team who had the clearance level for what was about to be shared. Natasha could feel the tension coming from Maria. This was the longest she had been in any amount of company since she got back, and it was clearly taking its toll. Catching her eye, she tried to give a small smile to bring some brightness to the dull, tired eyes. She got a slight lift of the lips in return but it lasted a fraction of a second.  

"Sir, that’s far too much!" Simmons exclaimed from the kitchen. Natasha looked over to the couple now bickering about portion sizes in time to see Phil attempting to scrape some excess lasanga from one plate onto another, shooting Jemma a look. Just as Jemma walked over to the table, hands full of plates, May took her seat at the end of the table.  

"Fitz, I told you already, no." Daisy hissed as she walked common area. "Oh wow, hey. It's really nice to meet you. I'm Daisy. I've heard a lot about you!" Daisy practically gushed as she spotted Natasha sitting at the table. Natasha was a little taken aback, its not often agents admit to being excited and/or scared to see her. Recovering quickly, she stood and replied, 

"Likewise, Coulson's protégé has definitely been in the rumour mill." She held out her hand to shake Daisy's, which she quickly grasped and shook Natasha's entire arm in her enthusiasm. "I actually have a job for you, we should talk later." 

"Yeah! Definitely, that’s awesome." Daisy continued to stare at Natasha, evidently a little star struck. Having stopped trying to rip Natasha's arm from her torso, she was now just holding Natasha's hand with both of hers, and it was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for the widow. Suddenly realising the ridiculous position she was in, Daisy dropped Natasha's arm and stepped back "Oh my god, sorry. What is it you need me for?" 

Suppressing a small laugh behind pursed lips at Daisy's behaviour, "Let's eat first, we can go over the details later." 

Her face slightly reddening as she noticed most people were watching her meltdown at meeting the Black Widow, Natasha watched as she headed toward Jemma who was eyeing their exchange with a smile on her face. She saw Daisy give Jemma's waist a little squeeze as she passed by her to take the only empty seat left beside Coulson as Fitz had already claimed the one next to Simmons and was shovelling lasagne into his mouth. She could feel Maria's gaze on her, she met her eyes with a quirk of her eyebrow and a smug little smile, that Maria outright laughed at. Taking her seat again, she gave Maria's thigh a quick squeeze before tucking in to the food in front of her. 

After a few minutes of eating in silence, it was clear everyone was waiting on the big reveal, to find out _why_ the Deputy Director and the Black Widow were hanging out in their kitchen eating dinner with them. Coulson finally started to explain. 

"So, I know you're all dying to know, and frankly I'm impressed I haven't been bombarded with questions this long" Phil began with a smile at his junior agents. Shooting a quick glance at Maria, he continued "You all know Commander Hill was taken hostage for 2 weeks. During her time in captivity, she was experimented on by Hydra scientists, who it seems have figured out how to create individuals with abilities using Chitauri technology."  

Looking at Maria, Natasha saw she was looking at the table, her jaw clenched and fingers digging into her leg. Deciding she didn’t care how it would be construed, she reached across and grasped Maria's hand, gripping it tight. Maria didn't outwardly react except to adjust the hold, lacing her fingers through Natasha's. 

"Simmons, we need you to run some blood tests for Maria, and from there we will determine our next move. Any questions?" Phil finished, it was clear he didn’t know how much to share and Natasha was grateful he kept it short. Glancing around, she could see the young agents were shocked. Simmons expression was a odd mix of sympathy and curiosity. Fitz looked like he was running experiments in his head but Daisy looked intrigued. Natasha knew the girl had incredible abilities, that she was the lead on finding inhumans and training them in SHIELD, it was clear she wanted to ask what Maria could do, but seemed to be holding it back much to Natasha's relief.

"When can we get started?" Maria looked at Simmons, her expression blank. "I'd rather get this done with sooner rather than later." 

"Yes, of course. We can start whenever you want" Jemma quickly reassured Maria this was on her terms. She was the Deputy Director after all but more than that, in Jemma's eyes she was the victim. Natasha was instantly grateful to the younger girl. 

Pushing the plate away from her, most of it untouched, Maria stood and made it clear _now_ was when she wanted to start. Getting the hint, Jemma stood and made her way toward the lab. Her hand still being attached to Marias, Natasha stood to follow. She kept close to Maria, wanting to give her any comfort she needed. They followed close behind Jemma to the lab, hearing Daisy following a bit behind them. As the lab came into view, Jemma was already inside putting on gloves and readying her equipment, Maria froze outside the door. Natasha's hand was tugged back and she stood directly in front of her. Maria's eyes were wide and her face very pale. Seeing Daisy still walking toward them, Natasha held up her hand indicating for her to stop. She halted half way up the corridor, confused. 

"You ok?" Natasha asked quietly. She stood close, her nose only an inch from Maria's. "I'll be here the entire time." She brought her hand up to Maria's cheek, brushing slightly. 

Maria met her eyes, swallowed and gave a terse nod. Natasha could feel the tremble in Maria's hands at the thought of entering the lab. Natasha leaned up, giving her soft kiss, lingering for a few seconds savouring the tender moment.  

"Come on, we're giving the kids a show." Natasha joked as she stepped back from Maria giving a tug on her hand. Maria rolled her eyes in return and took a deep breath and stepping forward. Leading Maria into the lab, Natasha caught Daisy's eye in the hall and found her watching them with a smile on her face. Tilting her head for Daisy to follow, she joined them in the lab moments later.  

Jemma had gathered all the supplies she needed and was waiting at the table for them, 

"So, Commander Hill -" 

"Maria, Simmons. Just... Maria." Maria interrupted.  

"Yes, sir. Er, Maria, sorry" Jemma seemed startled at the request. Natasha gave her a reassuring smile when she flicked her gaze to her in an unasked question. 

"Maria, I've read over the reports from the files recovered and it seems you are the sole survivor of the experiment. So that's either down to you're genetic profile, or the missing Chitauri component. Or both! We simply don't know yet. I'm going to take some blood, and start from there." Jemma explained as best she could. Maria nodded in acknowledgment. 

"Also Fitz is going to get started on deconstructing some Chitauri technology Agent Coulson was able to get transferred from the Fridge, so that ultimately we can try to reverse the effects of the experimentation." Jemma continued while pulling out a syringe and several vials. 

Natasha let go of Maria's hand as she started to shrug off her jacket. Natasha took it from her, hanging it over the back of a chair. Maria folded her arms, tucking her wrists under her forearms in a feeble attempt to hide the bandages. 

"Can I ask... What your ability is?" Daisy asked quietly. It was obvious she was desperate to know, but it was also _very_ touchy subject.  

"We don't know exactly. I've been thinking about it, and we think it's a form of electrical manipulation." Natasha answered, knowing Maria was having difficulty right now. 

Daisy's eyes flashed at the answer, no doubt remembering the loss of Lincoln. She swallowed and nodded at the answer, she could find out specifics later.  

"Ok Maria, I'm going to take two samples of blood so I can analyse them. I just need your arm, please." Jemma asked quietly. 

Maria slowly unfolded her arms, closing her eyes and extending her left arm toward Jemma. She turned her head and sought out Natasha, who was instantly by her side, arms around her waist, her chin resting on Maria's shoulder. 

"So we should get home around by around 8pm tonight" Natasha whispered to Maria, trying to distract her "and I want to watch the third season of the best show on TV." 

Maria opened her eyes and looked at Natasha, "And what show would that be?" Her breathing was laboured but she was trying to remain calm. 

"Breath with me, Maria. In and out." Maria squeezed her eyes shut, Natasha could feel the waves of shame rolling off her. She was acutely aware of Jemma and Daisy witnessing everything. Natasha felt Maria flinch as Jemma inserted the needle to draw blood. 

"Look at me," Maria slowly met her gaze, taking in her serious expression, "The Great British Bake Off." Confusion was etched across Maria's face before she remember the conversation before. Breathing out a laugh, she shook her head "I honestly don't understand your fascination with that show." 

"It is everything that is good and pure in the world." Natasha retorted, not breaking the serious façade. "Plus, you series linked it Maria. You did. Not me." She squeezed Maria's waist as she spoke, pulling herself closer to Maria. 

"You’re never going to let me live that down are you." Maria asked, fondness tinging her words. 

"Nope." She answered, a smile finally gracing her beautiful lips. Maria leaned forward, stealing a quick kiss before pulling back. 

"Thank you" she whispered, her words carrying weight she couldn’t express. Natasha just smiled in return. 

"Ok, all done." Jemma interjected, breaking the moment. Natasha straightened up, pulling back from Maria. Jemma had pulled out the needle and quickly put a swab over the puncture and taped it. "Ill run this through the analyser and we should have some information in about an hour. We can go back upstairs?" Jemma and Daisy both had smiles on their faces, watching the two women not bothering to hide any form of affection from one another in a moment of need. They were lucky enough to witness two of the most powerful women in the world be vulnerable with each other and they knew it. 

Leaving the two young agents in the lab, Natasha and Maria headed for the exit quickly, Natasha acutely aware of Maria's discomfort. As they reached the stairs, "My jacket." Maria remembered. 

"I'll get it." Natasha headed down the corridor, pushing the door open, glancing up in time to see Jemma and Daisy spring apart. Daisy began to randomly hit buttons on a computer that clearly wasn't on while Jemma picked up an empty flask and began to examine it. 

Natasha walked slowly to the chair where Maria's jacket was slung over and picked it up. As she was walking back to the door, she called over her shoulder to the two girls, 

"I won’t tell if you don't"  

Not bothering to supress her smirk, she saw Maria raise an eyebrow questioningly at her as she handed over the jacket. 

"I'll tell you later." 

 

 


	16. Bad News

“So, from what I can gather from the blood sample, it’s a virus.” Jemma began to explain to the senior agents giving her their full attention. “They engineered the virus to merge with host cells and rewrite the DNA. It is incredibly sophisticated, they must have been working on this for a while. I suspect they were attempting to use Earth viruses with little success.”

“Is it curable?” Coulson asked sitting behind his desk. The crestfallen look on Jemma’s face did not inspire confidence.

“I can try” Jemma offered a small smile, “but this is nothing I have ever seen before. They are combining alien biology with earths. It isn’t even similar to the inhumans. I mean, maybe the original inhumans? But they have filtered into the genepool for generations.”

Natasha hadn’t taken her eyes off Maria. She had been suspiciously still while Jemma gave her report, only the slight jerk of her head at Coulson’s question indicating she was listening.

“I’ll go back to the lab, sir. I’ll consult with Fitz, see if he has any ideas.” Jemma sounded disheartened.

“Okay, thank you Simmons. Let us know if you have any more information.” Phil nodded.

 Jemma looked at Maria for a second before shooting Natasha a sad smile as she headed for the door.  Natasha returned the smile before walking over and taking the seat beside Maria. She didn’t really know what to say. They had been pinning their hopes on the SHIELD wonderkids knowing what to do, knowing how to fix Maria, and this news left them at a loss.

Stealing a glance at Maria, she was staring at a random spot on Phil’s desk, evidently lost in thought. Fixing her gaze on Phil, he was also looking at Maria, a subtle sadness ghosting his features at the outcome. Phil was a good friend, it was clear he felt the sting of failing her even though it was beyond his control. Perks of being the boss, always feeling responsible.

“I’m sorry, Maria.” Coulson started, “This will be FitzSimmons highest priority until we have some progress.”

“Don’t let it interfere with any missions” came Maria’s curt Commander tone. It had been almost 6 hours since they left the apartment this morning, and Natasha longed to get home. The thought made her start a little, realising she had just referred to the apartment as home. She’d never had a home. Not a proper one.

“I think it’s time for us to go” Maria continued, “I appreciate the help Phil, and obviously this stays on the bus. I’d like regular updates from Simmons, even if it’s more dead ends.”

“Understood. I’m sorry we couldn’t help you more.” Phil apologised yet again.

Natasha stood, “I need to use the bathroom before we leave. Long drive. I’ll meet you at the loading bay” addressing Maria. Maria nodded in return, standing herself.

Leaving the room, Natasha set out to find Daisy. If what she had walked in on in the lab was a regular occurrence, which she thought it was, she decided the lab would be her best bet. She didn’t have much time before Maria got suspicious, not that she was keeping this from her, she just wanted solid information before telling her.

Walking into the lab, Daisy, Fitz and Simmons were dotted around the lab. Daisy was to the side working on her laptop while Jemma and Leo were talking animatedly about something so quickly Natasha had difficulty deciphering words. Heading over to Daisy, she waited for her to look up.

“Natasha!” Daisy exclaimed, “Sorry, Agent Romanoff. What’s up? Is this about you and Agent Hill? We won’t say anything, promise.” Daisy spluttered out, waving her hand in a hush hush movement.

“No, Johnson, it’s fine. I actually have a mission for you, if you’re up for it?” Natasha asked, knowing she would say yes.

“Yeah, of course! What is it? You need me to hack someone?” Daisy asked, excited.

“Actually, sort of. I need you to hack into a mercenary company for me. Moran Security Group, based in Moscow, Russia. I was lead on a mission last month, I’ll give you access to the mission file. Take whatever you need from the report. I want names of their employee’s, we have images of several of them.” Natasha started to explain. “If you can get into their servers, I want mission details and clients. Basically everything you can get. I tried already but Maria’s old laptop does not have the fire power necessary for this. Do what you can, let me know. This is my number.”

Natasha handed Daisy a slip with her number written on it before beginning to back away, “Just between us just now ok?”

Daisy nodded emphatically before shooting a quick glance at Jemma. She opened her mouth, before closing it again.

Rolling her eyes and smiling, “If she can keep a secret, you can tell her. If she can’t, don’t.” Natasha smirked.

Daisy grinned back, nodding her head.

\--

Natasha strolled onto the loading bay as if she hadn’t been gone 10 minutes longer than it should take someone to pee. She seen Maria look at her and raise her eyebrow as she leaned against the SUV, waiting for her.

“Got lost.” Natasha grinned at her. Maria shook her head in response, rolling her eyes.

“See you later Phil. May.” Natasha nodded in May’s direction as she stood stoically to the side. She heard Maria say her goodbyes and speak quietly with Phil. Reaching the car, Natasha slid into the driver’s seat, turning on the car. Choosing a station before Maria had time to come over and fiddle with it herself, she sat back and waited.

Maria opened the passenger side door and sat in the chair gingerly. She looked tense, her posture rigid and her jaw clenched.

Pulling away from the plane, Natasha focused on the road, waiting for Maria to speak. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song on the radio, stealing glances every few minutes to her right. She still hadn’t relaxed, and her fingers gripped her thighs.

Reaching over, Natasha placed her hand over Maria’s holding lightly. She heard Maria let out a sigh, and turn her hand over beneath hers.

“Looks like I’m stuck like this.” Maria said, her jaw finally unclenching. _Her teeth must be in agony._ Natasha floundered for a second between reassuring her they would find a cure, and attempting to console her with her new state.

Opting for the latter, she thought it might be good to prepare for the worst and just be happy if they found a cure.

“I know it’s hard. I know you must feel like your skin is crawling. Like it’s not even your skin.” Natasha tried to let Maria know she wasn’t alone, “How you feel is justified, understandable but if, _if_ , they can’t cure this, you won’t let it beat you.”

Maria didn’t reply, but she nodded. Natasha knew she was pretty much being ignored. But if in Maria’s darkest moments she heard Natasha’s placating words, and they made her feel slightly better, like there was a semblance of hope, it was worth it.

The ride back to the apartment was mostly quiet. Natasha didn’t want to bombard her with platitudes, she knew how annoying that could be. They chatted sporadically, deciding on dinner, what they would watch when they got home, bitching about slow drivers but they never spoke of anything serious and it was nice. Maria’s posture gradually relaxed and she began tracing patterns into Natasha’s hand which still rested on Maria’s thigh.

They had entered the city about 20 minutes previously, and they had just turned onto Maria’s street when Natasha slowed the car down almost to a stop. She crawled down the street, her eyes flicking in almost every direction at once. Something was different. Something was _wrong._

“What’s wrong?” Maria asked, sensing Natasha’s alertness.

“I’m not sure. But something is.” Natasha replied, her eyes scanning the rooftops. She had just managed to utter the word, “Sniper!” before the bullet shattered the windscreen. It didn’t penetrate the glass, but now they couldn’t see and that glass wouldn’t hold up against more shots. She quickly put the car in reverse and shot backwards as another shot rung out around, embedding the bullet in the hood.

“Maria, guns! Glovebox!” Natasha shouted, trying to look behind her. An SUV appeared from nowhere in her rear window and before she could hit the brakes the car smashed into it full speed. The collision caused Natasha to shoot forward and bang her head against the steering wheel. Time seemed to stop. The force of the impact with the wheel cause Natasha’s vision to fade in and out, and she could feel the blood pour down her head, some invading her mouth with the foul metallic tang.

Gathering enough saliva in her mouth, she tried to expel the disgusting taste. She opened her eyes and looked over at Maria. Maria’s airbag had deployed and she looked dazed, but otherwise she looked ok.

“Guns” Natasha growled, holding out her hand. “Stay behind the doors. Sniper still out there.” Maria nodded in understanding, handing her the gun.

“Are you ok?” Maria reached out to grip Natasha’s chin to assess the damage, but Natasha waved the hand away.

“Yes. Deal with it later.” Wiping the blood out of her eyes, she felt the adrenaline surge threw her veins as she unclipped her seatbelt. As it peeled away she felt the flesh it had cut into scream in protest. Biting down on her lip to suppress the groan that threatened to escape, she looked behind them to see if the occupants of the car they crashed into had gotten out yet. In response to her unasked question, she heard their doors slam shut.

“We’re out gunned.” Natasha remarked, before throwing open her door and shooting the man coming around the front of the truck. At her shot, a hail of gunfire started, deafening them. Sliding low in her seat, she glanced at Maria seeing her do the same. She knew they wouldn’t kill Maria, but they would kill her. The consolation didn’t last long as she realised Maria would rather die than be taken again. Sticking her hand out, firing blindly she heard Maria do the same. She heard another drop, and quickly threw herself from the car, rolling forward grabbing the dropped M16 by the attacker.

Tucking her body close to her, she found cover behind the wheel of the SUV. Bullets flew over her head as she waiting for her moment to return fire. As the spray of bullets finally ceased, she crawled to the front of the car and dropped to the ground, looking underneath. She seen four sets of boots, all at the other end of the car. They were making their move. She heard Maria shout “Fuck!” and her gun drop to the ground, out of ammo. Jumping up, she shot through the tinted glass, spraying in the general direction of the boots. When they turned their attention to Natasha, returning fire. She felt a bullet graze her upper shoulder and she dropped to ground with a hiss.

Ignoring the pain, she lifted the gun above her head and shoots back before the clip empties. Just as she’s about to pull out her pistol, she hears a crackling in the atmosphere, and notices the hairs on her arm lift slowly. The bullets flying overhead cease, and the silence is as deafening as the shots. Dread washes over Natasha like she’s fallen through thin ice into freezing water.

Then the screams started. Natasha sprinted back to the car, unable to tell if the screams were Maria’s or not. Still conscious of the sniper, she didn’t want to run around the front of the car so she crawled through the front seats to kneel on the passenger seat, her gun pointing forward. As she looked around, she saw Maria standing tall, a few feet behind the SUV they crashed into. She was bathed in an ethereal blue light, originating from the stream of electricity flowing from her hands outstretched infront of her, aimed at the writhing men before her.

Natasha took in her expression, her face contorted in rage, her lip curling in disgust as she watched the men on the ground scream in pain. She stayed frozen in the car, unable to digest the feelings and thoughts flitting through her brain at the image before her. The screams finally stopped, and Natasha could tell the men were dead, only twitching in response to the electrical current flowing through their dead muscles but Maria didn’t seem to be stopping any time soon.

Natasha finally found her self-control, and climbed out of the car. She began to walk slowly toward Maria, her hand outstretched in front of her.

“Maria.” Natasha said quietly, not wanting to startle her. Her voice was too quiet over the crackling which was surprisingly loud.

Stepping forward, she tried again louder, “Maria.”

Maria heard her this time, her head snapped toward the source of the sound, and she lifted her hand in the same direction, ready to defend herself.

She realised too late that it wasn’t an attacker, and Natasha felt her muscles lock as the electricity surged through her body. As soon as it happened, it was over and Maria was by her side, catching her as she felt her consciousness ebb away and the darkness overtook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you like! I gotta know if you guys are still liking it or not. If not, suggest something you'd like?


	17. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So its been ages, sorry. If you still care about the story im still gonna update but it will be sporadic.

When Natasha slowly drifted back to consciousness, the first thing she registered was the steady throb reverberating through her entire head. She attempted to open her eyes, only to snap them shut immediately as the light assaulted her sensitive retinas. Even through her eyelids, the light was still painful. Attempting to lift her arm, it felt like a lead weight. Finally bringing it closer to her face, her eyes still clenched shut, something was stopping her arm from reaching her face. A sharp pain in her hand forced her to finally open her eyes and take in her surroundings, regardless of the pain.

Through bleary eyes she recognised the room as a SHIELD facility. High tech medical equipment lined the wall, following several of the wires attached to the them back to her bed. Several monitored her heart rate which was beating higher than normal. Another led back to the IV attached to her hand, bringing clarity to the pain she felt previously.

Hearing a rustle of fabric in the corner of the room, Natasha’s eyes darted in the direction of the offending noise. Despite the pain in her head, she felt a small smile form on her lips at the sight. Clint, sprawled out over four chairs he had carefully constructed into a makeshift bed. It did _not_ look comfortable.

Shifting slightly, she pulled herself into an upright position. Doing a quick check of herself, she registered the ache in her neck, stinging from where the seat belt had cut into her flesh as well as the pounding headache. Nothing compared to what it could have been.

“Clint” croaked Natasha. Her throat was dry and her voice came out too quiet and hoarse for him to hear. He shifted slightly and gave a little snort. Taking a drink from the water on the table beside her, she tried again

“Clint” Her voice returning to normal, his head turned toward her and a smile brightened up his sleepy expression.

“Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” Clint asked as he got up from his prone position, lifting a char over to Natasha’s side before taking a seat.

“Heads a little sore but I’m fine. Where’s Maria?” As soon as she asked the question, memories of the attack assaulted her mind. “She’s here, right?”

“Yeah, yeah she’s here. She’s with Fury. She’s fine, don’t worry.” Clint tried to reassure her, knowing it was probably fruitless until she saw for herself Maria was fine.

Natasha knew Clint wouldn’t lie to her, she relaxed slightly and took another drink of water hoping the hydration would ease her headache.

Natasha could feel Clint’s gaze on her. Emptying her glass, she met his concerned look.

“Go on then, ask.” Natasha gestured with her hands, after setting the glass back down, for him to go ahead.

“What happened? When the team got there the attackers were dead. You were unconscious and Maria was near catatonic, holding you.” Clint explained. He’d obviously just heard snippets from the team that were sent to their location.

“Um, Maria and I were on our way back from meeting Coulson” Natasha began trying to recall the events that led to her being hospitalised, her thoughts slightly muddled from the pain in her head. “There was a sniper. When I tried to get us out of there, they blocked us.”

Natasha rubbed the ache in her neck as she remembered lurching forward and snapping back. Her mouth filled with saliva at the memory of the taste of blood in her mouth. She swallowed heavily and touched the stitches along her hairline.

“We uh… we managed to fight them off. Maria, it wasn’t her fault. Wait, did you say she was catatonic? What happened when I passed out?” Natasha asked only just registering what Clint had said.

“That’s what I heard. I spoke to Trevor, he was on the response team. The surveillance team were killed not long before you got back. They timed it pretty well, they must have had lookouts.” Clint began to explain, “When they got there several attackers were taken out by gunshots but there were three, Trev said it looked like they had been burned. Struck by lightning or something.”

Natasha listened intently, her knowledge filling in the blanks of Clint’s story. They _had_ been burned, Maria had used her abilities to kill them. The thought ignited an odd feeling in Natasha’s chest. On one hand, she was proud Maria had protected herself, using what they had done to her against them. Yet on the other, she knew the guilt Maria would undoubtedly be feeling right now. For accidentally hurting Natasha, yes, but potentially for using her powers to kill.

“Trev’s team take you both in. Maria didn’t say a word the entire way back here.” Clint finished.

“Where is here?” Natasha asked, her wits finally returning to her as her headache eased.

“Triskelion. Fury flew in when he heard.” explained Clint.

“How long was I out?” Natasha asked, sitting up a bit straighter and testing her limbs for functionality. She had clocked her clothes as soon as she woke up, she needed to find Maria.

“You were brought in 15 hours ago, it’s 10am. Do you remember what happened to you? What knocked you out?” Clint answered.

Natasha was reluctant to tell Clint about Maria’s abilities, but she trusted him with her life. If she asked, he wouldn’t tell anyone.

Taking a deep break, “It was an accident. When Maria was taking care of the last of the attackers, I startled her. They experimented on her Clint, they gave her some alien fucking virus that altered her DNA, and now she has abilities. The entire situation is _fucked_. She can control electricity, they weren’t struck by lightning she killed them. When I startled her, I was hit by the stream and that’s the last I remember.”

Clint sat in a stunned silence as Natasha whipped the covers off her and started gingerly removing her IV. Once she disentangled herself, she stood up and pulled her jeans on under her gown.

“Nat what are you doing? You should stay here, I’m sure when she knows you’re awake she’ll come see you” Clint tried to convince her. He sighed as she continued getting dressed, turning away from him as she pulled her gown off and put on her t shirt. Once fully dressed, she sat down heavily on the bed, her breathing slightly laboured. She poured another glass of water before downing it in one go.

“I’m fine, Clint. I’m going to Fury’s office.” Natasha said as she wiped her mouth of the excess water. Slipping her gun into the waistband of her jeans, she made her way out of the infirmary.

After successfully dodging any nurses or doctors who would send her back to her room, she found herself at the elevator impatiently waiting for it to arrive. Stupid huge building. It finally arrived and she avoided eye contact with everyone as they gave her odd looks. She knew how she must look, she had dragged her fingers through her hair, the butterfly plaster holding her stitches in place, she honestly didn’t care.

Keeping her head high, the elevator rose to the top floor, where the Director’s office was located. Striding off, she approached the door and before she could knock, the door flew open and standing in front of her was the towering frame of Nick Fury.

“Nothing out of the ordinary, huh Romanoff?” Nick asked, dripping with sarcasm. Natasha rolled her eyes in response.

“You already knew Nick, I know, you know, we all know.” Natasha drawled as she walked past him into his office. “Where is she?” Natasha asked when she couldn’t see Maria immediately.

Nick pointed to the door behind his desk, Natasha walked over and pulled open the door. Glancing behind her, she saw Nick leave his office closing the door behind him. Walking into the room, she realised it was an adapted living space. Maria was sleeping on a small sofa, her back against the cushions. She was curled up in the foetal position under a small blanket. She had never looked so tiny.

Natasha dropped to her knees in front of her. Studying Maria’s face, she noticed her eyes were red and her bangs had fallen across her face. Sweeping the hair and tucking it behind Maria’s ear, her eyes fluttered open and Natasha felt like Maria was staring into her soul.

“Hey” Natasha whispered with a small smile. Maria glanced up to Natasha’s stitches. Natasha stayed still while Maria lifted her hand to reach toward Natasha’s injury stopping short before touching it. Maria’s eyes were shining with unshed tears and she pulled her arm black against her torso.

“Are you okay?” Marias voice was shaky, clearly trying to not let the tears fall in front of Natasha.

“Yeah, babe. I’m good. My necks a little sore from the crash but other than that I’m fine, I promise.” Natasha attempted to reassure her “You were _amazing_. I am _so_ proud of you. You protected us.”

Maria scoffed as she sat upright, “I _hurt_ you. How can you say that?” The guilt was pouring from her in waves. Natasha sat beside her on the sofa, putting her hand on Maria’s knee.

“I don’t blame you. We were under attack, you felt threatened. I startled you and your abilities are new and you are learning to control them, accidents happen. The important thing here is _I am fine,_ Maria. All good.” Natasha implored her to believe her.

“As soon as it happened, I stopped. I realised what happened, I thought I’d… I thought I had killed you. I couldn’t think, I just shut down. I need you.” Maria’s voice was small, it broke Nat’s heart.

“You have me, dummy.” Nat said with a smile, shaking her head. “Look at us, we’re indestructible.”

Eliciting a small chuckle from Maria, Natasha edged close enough to snake her arm around Maria’s waist. She rested her chin on Maria’s shoulder, and when Maria turned her head toward her, she leaned forward to capture Maria’s lips in a kiss.

Maria kissed back with fervour, deepening the kiss pushing Natasha so that she was lying on top of her. They made out until the need for oxygen made itself apparent. Maria was hovering above her, staring intently into Natasha’s eyes.

“I am so sorry” Maria whispered, sincerity radiating from her.

“I forgive you.” Natasha replied, lifting up to kiss her again.

 

 


	18. The Guard

Most people hated getting the bus to work in New York City. It’s long, traffic is insane, more than a few individuals using the service are… questionable. But despite that, Yuri liked it. He liked that he got to zone out for a little while, just listen to music and not think about anything. Sure, he had to breathe out his nose because the guy beside him clearly hadn’t ever heard of a shower but it’s a small price to pay for peace.  
That peace was abruptly interrupted by silence as his music stopped. Instinctively, his eyes flicked down to his phone to discern the problem. It was ringing. With a sigh, he swiped to answer the call,  
“Zdravstvuy, mama” he answered quietly into the mouth piece of his earphones before wincing, knowing what was coming.

“English, Yuri! You know better boy” came the sharp response of his mother.

“Sorry mom. It won’t happen again” he replied in a perfect American accent, “I’m heading to work, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong” she answered curtly, “Uncle Erik called, he thinks it’s time, isn’t that wonderful?” as soon as she began talking of Erik her voice changed to that of a suburban housewife. 

A cold sweat broke out over Yuri’s entire body and his mouth went dry. Part of him knew this day would come, his mother and father had been talking about it since he was a child. He had successfully convinced himself if he went through life as normal as possible, he could avoid it. He did well at school, he immersed himself in American culture and made friends. Foolish, childish thoughts. His family’s business wasn’t something you could escape.

“Yes mom. Wonderful.” He said trying to find the bottle of water in his backpack so he didn’t sound so scratchy.

“Come over tonight, we will discuss everything. I’m so pleased for you Yuri, you have spent too long on the outside.”

“Yes mom. Tonight. Goodbye mom” he answered slightly dazed, his brain working overtime trying to figure out what would happen tonight. What he would be expected to do.

“Goodbye Yuri. I love you.”

She had hung up before he could even formulate a response. He sat there the rest of his journey to work numb. He got off the bus on autopilot when his stop came. The rest of the day went by in a blur and time passed far too quickly for his liking. Before he knew it, he was standing outside his parent’s home in upstate New York. 

He stood at the double doors for 4 minutes 39 seconds. It was at that moment the house keeper opened the door,

“Master Petrov! Come inside, come inside!” came the familiar tone of Paula, their housekeeper of 10 years. As long as Yuri could remember, she was a constant staple to their lives in America. 

“Paula, it’s good to see you” he told her sincerely and stepped forward with a hug and a huge smile despite what awaits him inside. 

“And you too, Yuri. How are you? You look thin.” Paula returned the hug but stepped away quickly. As she stepped back, Yuri gave a shrug to her question and focused on the people talking further inside the house. 

He followed their voices through the foyer into the sitting room where he found his mother, his Uncle Erik as well as two of his associates whom he didn’t recognise.

“Yuri my boy! Come here it has been too long!” came the booming voice of his uncle. Erik stood up and strode toward him, gathering him in a bear hug. “Still so scrawny! We will change that soon eh?”

Yuri awkwardly patted his uncles back. As a child, they had been very close, but since his father died almost 6 years ago, Erik had taken control of the family’s business dealings back in Russia. 

Erik pulled back and held onto Yuri’s shoulders, beaming at him. Yuri mustered up a small smile, 

“Yes, uncle” he replied quietly. He knew he had no choice in this. He had turned 19 almost 6 months ago and he was surprised they let him continue with his life this long. 

He spotted his mother smiling at him, she was thrilled he was being included in the business. He had little information on what would be happening to him now. He knew his family were rich, and not necessarily from legal dealings. If being forced to appear American to everyone in his life was any indication, it was more suspect than he could fathom. Anytime he asked questions as a child, he was met with scorn. He quickly learned to not ask any at all. 

“You have been a patient son Yuri, I know you have wished to know what we do and now is the time, my love” his mother said, looking to Erik. With his uncle resuming his seat opposite his mother on the sofa, he moved to sit in the chair beside his mother.

“Marina is right Yuri, you have never badgered us for information and now that you are older you will understand why a child cannot be told this. It is of the utmost trust we bestow on you now, to share this with you” his uncle began. Yuri had to admit he was curious. He had his suspicions, of course. Drugs, mob, trafficking – but he had no evidence. 

“Your father and I were born into this life, our father was a very powerful, respected man within our organisation. Yuri, our organisation at one point controlled the world. It still has its influences but we are rebuilding. This is why we need you now. I need people around me I can trust and I trust no one more than blood. Yuri, you are Hydra.” Erik finished his speech, his words dripping with pride and his chest slightly inflated in a way Yuri was sure was unconsciously.

Yuri stared at him, stunned. He kept his facial expressions controlled, knowing he was being scrutinised by every person in the room. He turned to his mother, “You are also Hydra, mama?”

“Yes Yuri. After your Uncle Erik took over your father’s place, I took over his. We do important work son, and we wish for you to be a part of that work.” 

“Don’t worry, you’ll start off small. Get a taste for the life. We would have brought you in sooner, but this is the first time we’ve had an operation in New York. Your mother wants to keep you close at least a little longer” Erik smiles over to Marina, who rolls her eyes.

Yuri nods. Hydra. Actual fucking Hydra. He had followed what happened in New York and Sokovia the same as everyone else. How could he not have known? He had read about the avengers and inhumans and Tony Stark and all that stuff. He was the enemy basically. He wasn’t particularly a fan of the whole superhero thing, but they saved New York and millions of people in that country and he was part of the organisation hell bent on destroying all of them? It was going to take time to process this.

“So, Yuri, I can’t have people going around accusing me of nepotism” he smiled, “so we’ll start you on guard detail and no one will know we’re related.” Guard detail? Didn’t sound too bad. Maybe he was guarding a building? An item? He hoped for best case scenario.

“I have an operation in progress. We’ve been planning for a while so, lots of parts in motion and you’re going to be guarding the package once we have secured it.” Erik continued, “This is Henry and Vlad. You’ll be working in their New York facility. They’ll be keeping an eye out for you, as a personal favour to me.”

“Yes uncle” Yuri added, not sure what to say. The stress was beginning to build at the prospect of leaving his old life behind. He couldn’t entangle his friends in this life. It would be like moving to America all over again. He did it once, he could do it again.

_____

Vlad was showing Yuri around the facility. It was bigger than it seemed and in the most random location. Chinatown? Suppose it was as good a secret base as any. 

He had been kitted out with his new uniform, and given his weapon. He was raised with guns, he was no novice with them. A shooting range was very different to using it on a person. He hoped he wouldn’t have to. 

Yuri was introduced to Ben, they would be working together. He seemed like a regular guy, ready to work his way up in Hydra. Yuri thought they would get on well together.

“Ok Yuri, Ben, the both of you will be guarding a high profile captive. You will be expected to provide her with food, water, and bathroom breaks. Nothing more, nothing less. You do not talk to her, you do not touch her, you don’t even look at her for too long.” Vlad explained their duties.

Yuri nodded, his hopes of guarding an object dashed. He would do as he was told. There was nothing he could do anyway. He glanced to his side to see if Ben was as perturbed as he was, to find him suppressing a smirk. Maybe they wouldn’t get along after all.

The first few days were hard. He recognised the woman, she worked for SHIELD, that much he knew. After his shift, he met with Ben to give a handover. Same as usual, she hadn’t spoken, she barely looked at him. This continued for 6 -7 days. On the 8th day of his new job, he received the handover from Ben who told him the experiments had started. Along with the vomiting. Ben said she was sick all over her clothes so he cut them off her. He wasn’t going into a room that smelled like shit. Yuri didn’t want to start anything, so he just nodded and went to check in.

When it came to time for food run, he walked in the room to see her lying in her underwear, the vomit still lay on the floor beside her. He put the food down and went to get supplies to clean it up. Sure Ben, take her clothes because they smell? Asshole. He couldn’t get any clothes for her, but he grabbed another blanket and half of his sandwich from his lunch for that day. 

After cleaning up, he uncuffed her and let her eat. Noticing the extra sandwich, she glanced up at him and furrowed her brows in confusion before returning to her meal. The poor woman was obviously starving. One meal a day was awful treatment. Every time Yuri sat down to eat he thought of her chained to her bed, thrilled with a sandwich. 

When he went home that night, just as he sat down to eat his microwaved dinner, his phone rang,

“Hi mom, how are you?” he greeted in what he hoped wasn’t too sullen a tone.

“I’m wonderful Yuri, how is your first week going? Uncle Erik said Vlad is impressed with your work ethic. I’m so proud of you, son. Your father would be too, I know it.” Marina said with such sincerity. Yuri welled up slightly. That’s why he was doing this, for them. 

“Thank you, mama. It’s harder than I thought it would be.” He accepted the praise. He could hear his voice thick with emotion and knew his mother would too.

“You are so soft Yuri, you must learn to compartmentalise your emotions. This world, soft people do not rise to the top. You are destined for more. You must act like it” his mother scolded him. 

“Mother, you know I try” he answered, schooling his tone back to neutral. “I will do better.”

“Good, call your mother more often, yes? Goodbye, my son”

“Goodbye, mama”

___

 

After several sleepless nights, where guilt coloured every thought of the previous day, Yuri didn’t know how much longer he could do this. He heard the scientists discuss the work they did in the lab, a lowly guard was essentially invisible. He and Ben had barely spoken after the vomit incident, but Ben had made friends with other people at the facility. Yuri mostly kept to himself, did his work diligently and went home. 

He heard Ben’s disgusting jokes about the captive. Bragging about how he treats her, giving her hardly any food or water, leering at her. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the lab assholes were discussing their next procedure. They were going to kill her. Did she deserve death? Why should he care about her? He was soft. His mother was right. He didn’t know this woman. Who cares what they do to her.

But he cared. No matter how hard he tried, he cared. The guilt only subsided when in the middle of the night he fantasised of being her saviour. Of somehow getting her out of there. But where would he go? His family would never forgive him for this betrayal. He would die trying to get out of there, he knew it. But maybe it was worth it? If this was the rest of his life, causing pain and death, was it worth living? He finally fell asleep to these thoughts.

He got to work right on time as usual, waiting for Ben to meet him. He had been more and more incensed to act. Just uncuff her, leave his weapon, and go. He might be killed, sure, but she’d be free. Give her a chance.

Just as he had made up his mind, Ben swaggered up to him with a smug grin on his face. 

“All yours little man, they’re gonna kill that bitch today so might as well take advantage while you can” he winked at him as he threw the keys into his hands. He didn’t miss a step as he strolled to the exit. 

Yuri’s stomach dropped. He was too late. Fuck it. He walked to her room with her lunch as well as his, and a bottle of water. She needed the energy to get out of here alive. His skin was crawling with disgust as he went in the room. He uncuffed her and gave her the food. She looked terrible, worse than after the experiments and interrogations. He didn’t know how he was going to do this, just leave the gun and walk out? 

“Can I go to the bathroom” came a steady voice behind him. He turned and looked at her, a plan forming in his mind. He nodded, and she got up to follow him. On the way back, he would just lead her to the front door. If they met anyone, he would shoot and run. God this was stupid. Planning was not his forte. She went into the bathroom, and he turned around to keep an eye out for anyone. If anyone interrupted before he could get close to the exit, they would never make it.

He heard a smash behind him, he turned as fast as he could but the shard was already in his neck. The blood loss was quick, the woman knew what she was doing. He had already decided he would die getting her out of there, this just wasn’t how he planned. Yuri could feel his body going cold, in a matter of seconds. His last thoughts eased his guilt and he could die knowing the woman at least wouldn’t die because of his actions. He could still help her.

___

“Marina… I am sorry. Yuri, he was killed by a hostile. Rest assured, the hostile will be found. I promise you.”

“You will find them Erik, or I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know, no blackhill. Next chap will be up soon and i needed to set up some kind of story so it isnt endless fluff.


	19. Moving on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't checked for typos, literally just posting this before I have to go to work but yeah, here you go!

Natasha lay flat against the couch, Maria pressed flush against her. They had been lying lost in each other for about 10 minutes, but could have been hours for all they knew. Any pain that lingered in Natasha’s muscles melted away with Marias soft touch, her strong fingers gripping Natasha’s thigh as it curled around Marias hip pulling her closer.

Natasha broke the kiss with a slight gasp as Maria’s pushed up her shirt, her fingertips lightly caressing up Nat’s torso. Maria could feel the shuddering muscles in reaction to her light touch. She laughed as she shifted and moved to kiss Natasha’s neck,

“I forgot how ticklish you are” you breathed into her neck. Natasha response turned into a sigh at Maria’s ministrations. When she finally got her wits about her,

“We all have our weaknesses” she breathed as she reached to grab Maria’s ass and grind up into her. She heard Maria’s breath hitch and she smirked. Natasha heard the door to Fury’s office slam shut, she moved to sit up, not wanting to be caught in such a compromising position. At her movement, Maria responded by laying as a dead weight on top of her.

“No.” came Maria’s defiant tone. Natasha chuckled. She wished they were home right now, and not 10 feet away from their boss. Who could walk in at any second.

“You want Fury to see this? Really? Babe, we will never hear the end of it. Just think for a sec. _Stark._ ” Natasha tried to reason with her. At her last word, Maria abruptly sat up,

“Ok, ok, I’m up.” She said as she attempted to smooth down her hair with little effectiveness. Natasha reached over and fixed a particularly stubborn part and she looked respectable enough. Not at all like she had been behaving like a teenager minutes before.

“I don’t think there’s any saving my hair unfortunately. I need a shower” she grinned at her, “I’m sure by the time we get home you’ll need one too. Best to save water and all that.”

“Of course, ever the environmentalist” Maria quipped, “It ‘ll be like old times” Natasha grin softened to a smile.

“Can’t wait.”

“I know you know I’m in here!” came the booming voice of Nick Fury, shattering their moment. Natasha stood up, striding to the door and wrenching it open.

“Nice of you to join me” Nick drawled from behind his desk, “Have a seat, there is _much_ to discuss.”

Natasha glanced behind her to see Maria standing up to join her, taking a deep breath. They both took their seats at the desk, trying not to look like children being scolded by a teacher.

Nick gave them a hard look before beginning with his debrief,

“Let’s start with, where were you?” Nick asked, simple questions he most likely knew the answer to anyway. Natasha opened her mouth to answer before,

“We went to see Coulson and his team. I needed answers.” Maria stated. She was sat up straight, looking more like her old self. The familiar setting seemed to be doing Maria some good.

“Why Coulson?” Fury asked, brow furrowed. “There are more resources here to figure out what’s going on than on the bus.”

“I trust Coulson. Since the Ward fiasco, they would never let anyone infiltrate. Here, we don’t have a clue who we can trust.” Maria explained, “Plus, FitzSimmons.”

Fury nodded. “Alright, I’m bringing them in for now. I agree, right now we need people we can trust. Interviews are being carried out on the Helicarrier and most SHIELD facilities but we all know how long that took last time. And _obviously_ that method has its flaws.” He finished with a wave of his hand.

“We sent a team to the Chinatown facility," Nick continued, not allowing for a response, "By the time we got there, most of the place had been cleared out. We assumed they would all have got the hell out of there, maybe we could get files left something behind. We got lucky. One idiot refused to leave his work behind, trying to gather ever terabit of data. He’s in custody now, he hasn’t broken yet but we have the best on it.”

“Any luck IDing the corpses?” Natasha asked, business as usual, “They could give us more leads on where and how they recruit and how they’re involved with Hydra. I have Daisy looking into the Moran group already. I’ll check in with her when they get in.”

“We're running facial recognition, nothing so far.” Nick answered, he took a deep breath, “Now time for the hard stuff. Tell me.” He looked pointedly at Maria who sat up a little straighter.

“Electrical manipulation, we think.” Maria answered matter-of-factly. “I’m gaining more control of it. Simmons doesn’t think its curable, and if it is, it will take a while for that cure to be found.” Stealing a glance at Natasha, she continued, “What happened outside the apartment was an accident. It was instinct, I thought she was an attacker, I’ll accept any reprimand you deem necessary sir.”

Natasha was about to jump to her defence when –

“That won’t be necessary Hill. What you put yourself through the last 15 hours has been more than enough punishment.” Nick said in a soft tone. “I’ll contact Coulson and let him know to come in ASAP, you two are free to go but you can’t go back to that apartment.” Nick was braced for a refusal considering Maria’s last outburst.

“Yes sir, agreed. After the team... we can’t go back there.” Maria replied quickly, clearly having given it a bit of thought already. “I’ll need to collect some things though.”

“We can stay at my apartment. It’s safe. No one knows where it is. Not even Clint.” Natasha piped up, quickly adding to Maria “ _Don’t tell him that.”_ Maria smiled over at her.

Nicks gaze flicked between them with a neutral expression. There was no rule forbidding fraternisation, and Hill smiling so soon considering how she was behaving only a couple of weeks ago, in that moment Nick only felt gratitude to Romanoff.

“Alright then. I’ll let you two sort out details. Hill, you’ll need to come in for tests. Soon. You know its procedure, we can wait until Coulson comes in if you are more comfortable with Simmons” he told her.

“I understand, sir. I would prefer Simmons, she already knows and… explaining is tiresome.”

“Understood. Keep your cells on you. Romanoff, back to infirmary. Leave a list of what you need from your apartment, clothes, computers and I’ll have a team collect within the hour.” Nick ordered, “You’ll be contacted when the team are back with your personal effects. You are both dismissed.”

They both nodded, Maria scribbled down which belongings she would need as well as Nat's duffle bag and stood up to leave. Natasha followed Maria out the office and as soon as the door shut behind them, Natasha reached forward and grabbed her hand. They walked hand in hand until they reached people, but still staying close enough that their hands brushed on occasion. Finally reaching the infirmary, the doctor Natasha evaded during her escape spotted her and ushered her back into her room, much to her displeasure. Maria followed dutifully behind with a smile on her face.

Being pushed into the room by the doctor who was in danger of losing his hand if he nudged her one more time, she spotted Sharon Carter in the corner of the room where Clint was an hour ago. She stared at her in confusion until the Doctor nudged her forward and she spun around to give her best death glare at him. He stepped back with his hands up when Maria strode past them to engulf Sharon in a bear hug.

“I’m so glad you’re ok” Sharon said over Maria’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come see you sooner, they had me in London.” Guilt coated every syllable.

“I’m fine. I had Natasha, she helped a lot” Maria consoled Sharon’s guilt. At the mention of her name, Sharon stared hard at her with mixed emotions. Natasha knew the warring opinions Sharon had of her. Being Maria’s best friend, practically sister, there was no doubt Sharon knew all about Natasha’s middle of the night escape. Not that Natasha had a whole lot of experience with ‘the best friend’ but she could tell it wouldn’t be as simple as saying she was sorry for hurting Maria. No matter, she would show with actions she was here to stay.

“Thank you.” Sharon implored to Natasha. Nat didn’t know how to respond so she just gave her a small smile. The doctor chose that moment to interrupt,

“I’m sorry but you really need to get into bed, need I remind you that you were electrocuted only 16 hours previously? You need a heart monitor on to ensure regular rhythm. Please.” Dr. Stevens implored, Natasha eventually lamented and allowed herself to be taken care of while Maria and Sharon stepped outside to speak.

Around half an hour later when all checks came back normal, Natasha seemed in good health considering everything that had happened. The small graze on her shoulder from the shootout had been cleaned and bandaged while the doctors and nurses had finally left her to get ready, when Maria came back in the room.

“Hey, everything ok with Sharon?” Natasha asked when she saw Maria at the door.

“Yeah, she was just apologising, wanting to know what happened. I gave her a brief overview. Told her we would catch up properly when we had time. She understood” Maria answered, eyes shifting ever so slightly, but enough to let Nat know that wasn’t _all_ they spoke about.

“Alright, good. I’m glad you guys got to see each other before we go.” Natasha said slowly.

“Yeah, me too. She told me she was glad I had you. I hope you don’t mind I told her… I told her we were good again?” Maria asked nervously, as if Natasha was suddenly going to laugh and tell her it was all pretend.

“Of course, I want her to be good with us. I know how she feels about me and I would really like to change that so… good start” Natasha finished with a smile. “This is real. We are real. Come here.”

Maria stepped forward into Natasha’s open arms and leaned in for a kiss. Natasha returned with enthusiasm, her hands resting on Maria’s hips as Maria’s hands held her face gently. Pulling back, she admitted,

“I’m actually quite excited to see your place. We always went to mine”

“It’s nothing special. You can meet Liho though” Natasha added a little nervous.

“Liho?” Maria asked

“Yeah, my cat.” Maria just stared at her.

“You have a cat?”


End file.
